For a few minutes, they ate in silence. Was Sophie remembering the meals in those restaurants Tom found for them in London? Or the amazing dinner parties he would host in their apartment?
Apparently, she was.
‘Do you remember that silly game we used to play – “Ding Ding”? When we’d announce the most controversial thing we could think of as if it was an irrefutable fact?’
‘It wasn’t silly,’ Luc said. ‘How else would I have learned that you knew the history of thewholeworld?’
There was a fond note in Sophie’s voice. ‘Hannah was always inclined to exaggerate.’
They were silent for longer this time. Something was changing in the atmosphere, like a drifting cloud that was thick enough to stifle the warmth and light of the sun. Luc drew in a slow breath. The timing might not be what he would have preferred but this felt inevitable. There were still barriers that needed to be broken before they could get close enough to be sure that this was real.
That it could be trusted to last.
Sophie was feeling it, too. Why else would they have both lost their appetites at the same time, discarding their cutlery to abandon unfinished plates?
‘Are you still in touch with Hannah?’ Luc found himself asking quietly. ‘Do you know if she’s okay?’
He hoped she was okay. He’d never intended to hurt Hannah. He’d loved her as much as he would have loved a sister if he’d had one himself. They were family. And that had been a good enough basis for a marriage, hadn’t it? If you knew that what youreallywanted was totally unobtainable?
Sophie was shaking her head. ‘We lost touch after I left London.’ She paused for a moment. ‘I saw her a lot before then but it didn’t seem to make any difference what we did when we went out together, like meeting for a drink or dinner or a walk in Hyde Park or something; it was always there. A reminder. It felt like we were having to try too hard to not be pulling each other down.’ She sighed. ‘I think we both started making excuses, for both our sakes. I sent a Christmas card a couple of times, to Hannah and her parents, but I never heard back. Last I heard, she was working for her dad.’
‘Was that before or after she got married?’
‘She’smarried?’ Sophie looked shocked.
Luc nodded. ‘About seven or eight years ago. I saw an article online that had a wedding photo taken with a vintage Jaguar that I recognised as being the pride and joy of Mr Baxter’s collection. They met – James, I think his name is – when Hannah was helping her father at the London Concours.’
‘The… what?’
It was obvious that Sophie wasn’t really listening but Luc kept talking in the hope of distracting her.
‘That’s the huge annual show that features luxury and performance cars. I went to something similar with Tom once. We were on the lookout to spot Formula One drivers and the stars from the car shows onTV.’
Sophie didn’t seem to have heard anything he’d said.
‘She never told me she’d met someone.’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘She didn’t invite me to her wedding…’
* * *
The darkness felt heavy as they wandered back through the streets, having decided against dessert. They weren’t holding hands and Luc could feel every inch of the distance between them.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, as they crossed a small square that had a fountain in its centre, nearly back at his apartment. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything about Hannah.’
But Sophie shook her head. ‘It’s part of our shared history,’ she said. ‘If we can’t talk about it, how can we ever feel like we’re being honest with each other?’ She stopped walking. ‘And how can you trust someone if they’re hiding the truth?’
Oh,merde…
Luc couldn’t say anything. Some things had to be hidden, didn’t they? If you cared enough about someone for it to be unacceptable to hurt them? And, if he hurt Sophie that much, he wouldn’t just be breaking a promise. He would be risking the future that was such a big part of his…everything.
‘I’m sad, that’s all.’ Sophie had interpreted his silence as a question. ‘We were such close friends but it all became too hard after Tom died.’ The catch in her voice was heartbreaking. ‘We were just making each other more miserable because it was always there, between us. Losing Tom. Losingyou…’ Sophie looked away from Luc. ‘It was the first anniversary that made it impossible. That was when I knew I had to get away. We both knew we needed a break if we were going to get on with our lives. We had no idea that it might make it too hard to go back.’
Her head turned sharply, her indrawn breath a gasp. ‘Oh, my God… I’ve just realised. This wedding on Saturday. It’s going to be the tenth anniversary of the day Tom died. How could I have forgottenthat?’
Luc closed his eyes for a heartbeat. He never forgot the date. Of course he didn’t. He just did his utmost to avoid consciously remembering it.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, softly. He could see the tears filling Sophie’s eyes. ‘It’s okay to feel sad. That’s part of our shared history, too.’ He wanted to reach for her. To pull her into his arms and comfort her but something was stopping him.
Something huge.
