Visibly distressed and a hand now covering her mouth, Hilary said, ‘What rubbish! Hugh wouldn’t speak like that. He didn’t want to die when he had everything to live for! He wasn’tprepared! He wanted to live!’ Her voice shook and tears filled her eyes.
If he’d been able to, Keith would have leant forwards and reached for her hand, but as it was, he said, ‘That’s basically how I reacted. But not so politely. I was on my feet and raging like a man possessed. I completely lost it. I accused the medium of deceiving vulnerable people, of lying and telling people what they wanted to hear. Then I turned on Diane. I accused her of being complicit in the con, of forcing me to go to that awful place just to convince me that I should get on with enjoying my life with her.’
He paused and took a shuddery breath. ‘I shouted at her, right there, in front of everyone. She was crying and I didn’t care. I just kept on yelling at her. Someone tried to stop me and I … I think I must have shoved him harder than I meant to because he went over and while everyone fussed over him, I escaped.’
After a lengthy silence, Hilary spoke. ‘What made you react the way you did?’ she asked.
‘It was hearing a stranger talking about Hugh and using him in that cheap manipulative way. I just couldn’t bear it.’ His voice cracked. ‘It broke me. It broke my heart.’
Another silence passed between them while he stared wretchedly into the fire.
‘Was there a moment when you wanted to believe it was Hugh?’
Surprised at the question, Keith looked at Hilary.‘No!’
‘Are you sure?’
He hesitated before answering. ‘On one level, maybe, that’s what these charlatans rely on, a desperate need for the void to be filled. But to my mind, to believe would be an act of delusion, an act of self-harm.’
‘Yet presumably it gave Diane some sort of comfort?’
‘That’s what I found so hard to accept, that she could be taken in so easily.’
‘What happened after you’d escaped?’
He rubbed a hand over his face, recalling the humiliation. ‘I had to wait outside for Diane to appear. She’d driven us there and I had no way of getting back to her place to pack up my things. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d refused to let me get in the car with her. But she did.’
‘I would have left you there to sort yourself out,’ Hilary muttered.
He smiled faintly. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I believe you would have.’
‘Is it over between the two of you?’
He nodded.
‘Where are you staying now?’
‘Would you believe, I’m just up the road at Madingley Hall?’
‘A home from home for you,’ she said, rising to her feet and putting a log on the fire, followed by another. ‘You used to be there all the time before you retired.’
‘Yes,’ he said, thinking of all the conferences he’d attended there during his many years working for ARJ IT Developments PLC, the multinational consulting company based at the Business Park in Cambridge. He’d always enjoyed his job and had given it his all. He had never really thought of what life would be like once he retired, but then retirement had coincided with Hugh’s death, and he knew that he’d lost a huge part of himself when those two things had collided and crashed into him. He’d never spoken at the time how he’d felt about his work life coming to an end; how could he when it was so puny and insignificant compared to losing his son?
‘I’m going to put the kettle on for a cup of tea, would you like one?’ Hilary asked, breaking into his thoughts. ‘Or would you prefer another whisky?’
‘Tea would be great,’ he said, once more overwhelmed with gratitude at her kindness.
She stacked their plates onto one of the trays and carried it to the door but then looked back at him. ‘Tomorrow we shoulddiscuss what’s going to happen next. For now, I would suggest you stay here for the night as I don’t see you returning to Madingley Hall in the state you’re in.’
‘Are you sure that’s okay?’ he asked.
‘I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t sure.’
‘Thank you,’ he murmured.
‘Then in the morning, we’ll consider your position.’
Somehow, she made the wordsyour positionsound both hopeful and hopeless.
