‘You. Me. Us. Here. And what I’ve wanted to do with you since I first knew you.’
‘And the awkward part?’
‘Wine first,’ he said firmly.
The wine opened and poured, they sat on the sofa, Nina having already kicked off her shoes, her feet tucked under her as she leant towards Jakob and touched her glass against his.
‘The thing is,’ he said, after he’d taken several large swallows of wine, ‘and I know I’ve touched on this before, but I need to say it again, so humour me, please. I know I have a hell of an act to follow. You and Hugh were happily married for some years, and you probably still love him. Because why wouldn’t you? So here I am, a very poor substitute. I’m not Hugh. And I never will be. I can only be me. What if I disappoint you because in yourheart it’s Hugh you still want and not me? What if it’s Hugh you picture when we make love? And does all that make me sound totally paranoid?’
At the candour of his admission, and the seriousness of the expression on his handsome face, his crystal-blue eyes shining intensely in the lamplight, Nina’s heart ached for him. But how could she reassure him when she didn’t know for sure whether there could be an element of truth in what he’d just said? What if she did picture Hugh at the crucial moment of their love making? All she could be sure of was that unless they tried, they would never know.
In the silence that had settled on them, and as Jakob took another long swallow of his wine then put the glass on the table in front of him, she said, ‘I’ve never compared you to Hugh, although I do appreciate that you might think I would. And in no way are you a poor substitute, that thought has never crossed my mind; in that respect, you couldn’t be more wrong.’ She frowned and placed a hand on his leg. ‘I hate knowing that you’ve been worrying in this way. I wish you’d said something before.’
‘It wasn’t easy to admit what I was feeling even to myself. So,’ he went on, after a pause and covering her hand on his leg with his own, ‘tell me what is making you so anxious?’
‘I’m not sure it’s just one thing,’ she replied, placing her wineglass on the table alongside his, ‘but perhaps it’s the level of expectation on both sides that is the problem. Then, of course, never far from my thoughts is that I’m older than you.’
‘I thought we’d dealt with that.’
‘Yes, but … ’ she forced herself to say the words, ‘but my body is not what it once was and—’
‘Hey, take it from me,’ he cut in, swinging round to face her, ‘your body is perfect.’
‘But you haven’t seen—’
‘No buts,’ he said, ‘absolutely no buts. And you know what?’
‘What?’
‘It’s time we spent less time thinking and worrying and more timedoing.’ As if to show what he meant, he placed his hands either side of her neck, his thumbs grazing her jaw, his steadfast gaze staring deep into hers, and drawing her to him, he kissed her on the mouth. His lips were light and tender at first, then became more urgent and passionate, sending a rush of molten-hot desire streaming through her. But just as she was revealing the depth of her feelings for him, he pulled away and locked eyes with her.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, worried.
‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘and don’t laugh, but I suddenly experienced a flashback to that wild night at the wedding party when we were dancing together.’
Her senses still reeling from the effect of his kiss, she groaned. ‘Please don’t remind me of that dreadful night,’ she said.
‘It wasn’t all dreadful,’ he said with a smile. ‘I remember some very nice parts of the evening, especially when you kissed me.’
‘Not true,youkissed me!’
He was grinning now. ‘I don’t remember it that way. I remember very well your lips touching mine and the night exploding.’
‘I think you’ll find that was when Hilary launched herself at me.’
‘No, no, that came later. How is the poor woman now?’
At this rapid one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turnabout in the conversation, they simultaneously reached for their wineglasses and Nina told him about putting her idea to Hilary that maybe she should consider having a dog, a rescue dog perhaps. Just as Nina had expected, Hilary had been aghast.
‘You think a dog can replace Hugh and the grandchild I dreamt of having?’ Hilary had said. ‘Is that what you honestly think will fill the horrendous void in my life?’
‘Not entirely,’ Nina had answered, ‘but a dog would be marvellous company for you, and think of the lovely walks you could do together, and you’d meet lots of other dog walkers.’
The idea summarily dismissed out of hand, Nina didn’t mention it again, but, and as she’d hoped might happen, Hilary rang her one evening to say that she’d been thinking it over.
‘I’m not totally sold on the idea,’ Hilary had said, ‘and I definitely don’t want some large-pawed beast digging up my garden or barking for hours on end, but I am prepared to consider it and I wondered if you might come with me tomorrow to meet a breeder who has bichon frisé puppies for sale. I’ve done all the checks online about the woman and she is a registered breeder with the Kennel Club.’
Impressed that Hilary had done her research, the next day Nina drove her mother-in-law to meet the breeder in Saffron Walden and it was during the drive that Hilary shared with Nina that when she’d been a child she had desperately wanted a dog, but her parents wouldn’t let her have one. Nina said nothing about Hugh having told her this.
