‘You’re my priority,’ he said, moving closer and putting a hand to her cheek, ‘not my friends. Can’t you see that I’d worry the whole time you were away from me?’
‘But I’d be perfectly safe and well with Mum. I’d be back before you’d even missed me.’
‘No,’ he said with steely finality, the palm of his hand pressed more firmly to her cheek. ‘You’re not going alone.’ He kissed her forehead, then removed his hand from her cheek. ‘Tell your mother that we’ll both come at the weekend. Or better still, tell her the weekend after would be more convenient.’
‘But Rick—’
‘No!’ he said, thumping his fist down on the worktop. He so startled her, the knife in her hand slipped from her grasp and dropped to the floor, but not before knocking against Rick’s trouser leg and one of his suede shoes and leaving a trail of greasy stains.
‘For God’s sake!’ he shouted, ‘do you have to be so bloody clumsy? Look at the mess you’ve made!’
‘Sorry,’ she said, bending awkwardly to retrieve the knife, but at the same time catching the sleeve of her cardigan on a slice of toast and that too then dropped to the floor, peanut butter side down. She sighed and, on her knees, she was about to scrape up the buttery mess when she felt herself being yanked upright by her hair and Rick was staring furiously into her face, his eyes blazing.
‘Why do you keep ruining everything?’ he yelled. ‘God knows I’ve done my best to be patient with you and to tolerate your stupid sloppiness, but you just don’t give a toss, do you?’
‘You’re hurting me, Rick,’ she gasped, ‘please let go.’
He brought his face nearer to hers. ‘Why, so you can wreck something else? So you can annoy me some more?’
‘I didn’t do it deliberately, and I said I was sorry.’ She tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but he yanked her hair even tighter, pulling her closer to him.
‘Sorry, sorry, sorry, that’s all I ever hear from you. Nothing but excuses and pathetic whingeing. Have you any idea how aggravating that is?’
Before she could stop herself, the wordsorryslipped out from her again and, slamming her hard against the worktop, his free hand struck her across her face. The second blow caught her even harder across her cheekbone. Her ears ringing and tasting blood, she tried to back away from Rick, but she was jammed so hard against the worktop, there was no escape. ‘I don’t mean to annoy you,’ she said, fear making her tremble.
‘But you do. All the time! All the sodding time!’ He grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her so violently her head flew backwards and forwards. The room spinning around her, a terrifying memory came flooding back and she started to scream. To scream and scream just as she should have screamed all those years ago.
Then suddenly the room went completely still and the powerful hands that had been shaking her so forcefully fell away from her shoulders. The stillness brought an end to her screaming and her body went slack. She felt winded, dazed and sick with the horror of what had just happened. And with the memory she had tried so hard to forget.
Backing away from her, his hands now hanging limply at his sides, Rick stared at her. ‘Oh God,’ he murmured, ‘what have I done? Willow, I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ she said more calmly than she felt. ‘It’s okay.’ But it wasn’t. And it never would be.
He shook his head then raised his hands, palms up, and scrutinised them as though not quite believing they were his. ‘I didn’t mean it,’ he said, returning his gaze to her. ‘You know that, don’t you? Deep down you know I’d never want to hurt you. But you keep pushing me by trying my patience.’
She nodded dumbly.
He took a step towards her and closing the gap between them, he put his arms around her, making her flinch. ‘Please,’ he begged, ‘say you forgive me. Whatever I did, whatever I said, I didn’t mean it. None of it.’
He was hugging her so tightly, she could scarcely breathe and, worried that he was pressing too hard against the baby, and desperately wanting him to let go of her, she said, ‘I forgive you.’ The words nearly choked her.
When she managed to push him gently away, she saw that he was crying. ‘I didn’t mean it,’ he repeated. ‘It’s just that all evening I was so worried about you. All I could think was that you weren’t coming back to me. I love you so much, Willow. You do believe that, don’t you?’
‘Yes,’ she said. She put a hand to her throbbing cheek, and her mouth which felt swollen and tender. When she looked at her hand, she saw that her fingertips had blood on them.
‘You must have bitten your lip,’ he said with a frown.
Afraid to disagree with him, she nodded. ‘Rick,’ she then said, ‘you won’t ever do this again, will you? Do you promise?’
‘Yes,’ he said in a low voice. ‘But Willow, you must promise that you won’t hurt me anymore.’
‘When have I ever hurt you?’ she asked.
‘Every time you go against me, you hurt me. Every time you want to spend time with your friends and family and not me, you hurt me. All I want is for you to love me. You do love me, don’t you?’
She knew the answer he wanted to hear, so she forced herself to say the words, knowing with all her heart that she didn’t and never would. ‘Of course I love you, Rick.’ Again the words nearly choked her.
Chapter Fifty
