‘I think we should find a film to watch,’ said Ranulph, taking the remote and clicking through the channels.
‘Good idea,’ said Cass, relieved and only a little disappointed at this wholesome suggestion.
After the dishes were set aside, and Cass had accepted another glass of wine in spite of her resolution to only drink water, Ranulph pulled her to him. He found her breasts and then loosened the tie on her robe, saying, ‘That is a very fetching bath robe, as I said, but would you mind terribly taking it off?’
Moments later he was carrying her back to the bedroom and she was in heaven again.
It was pitch dark when Cass woke up. The expensive apartment had very efficient blackout blinds and she had no idea what time it was. Feeling her way, she reached the sitting room and found her phone. It was 4 a.m. There was a Facebook notification, and for some reason this made her think of Becca.
She sank on to the sofa, all her happiness crashing down around her. She felt horrendous guilt – she hadn’t checked whether he was in a relationship with Becca but she was kidding herself by pretending she didn’t know. Facebook had certainly implied that. Why hadn’t she asked him outright? Deep down she knew why: she didn’t want to hear the answer. What kind of a woman did that make her? Not one she’d want to know, that was for sure. And while the sex had been far beyond anything she’d ever experienced before, she hadn’t bargained for this awful comedown.
She had experienced it before. If she had a bit too much to drink a very happy time would be followed by terrible remorse. And this remorse wasn’t only caused by too much wine.
She went into the bathroom and sat on the closed lid of the lavatory. Seizing the day, having a night of passion with the man you loved was good in theory. But Ranulph didn’t love her in return. Soon, she knew, she would be remembering each touch, each moment of passion. But now she just felt full of desolation and guilt.
She had to go home, immediately. She was too unsettled to have a lovely morning eating croissants in bed with Ranulph, getting jam on the bedding and maybe showering together. She’d had the sex and enjoyed it with every part of her, but she hadn’t had what her heart needed: Ranulph’s words of love, the commitment.
She got dressed as quickly and quietly as she could and then went back into the sitting room. She couldn’t just leave, she realised, she’d have to write a note. Luckily there was writing paper in a drawer.
Dear Ranulph,
Sorry for running off like this. I suddenly remembered I had to be in work today. I’ve left the camera. I would be so pleased if you could deliver it to Dad.
Thank you so much for all your help with this whole business. And thank you for last night. It was lovely. I think it’s better that I leave without us saying goodbye. And let’s not keep in touch. We don’t reallyhave more than a friendship and a lot of experiences in common. You’re going to be away for a long time. It’s better that we move on.
With all my good wishes and some very fond memories,
Cassie
She was crying as she let herself out of the apartment. Would she have felt any better if she hadn’t taken Susie’s advice? She would never know.
She walked all the way to Paddington. It took her over an hour. She was exhausted when she arrived and still had to wait for the first train. It was vastly expensive but Cass didn’t care. She just wanted to be home.
She’d texted Rosa and, like the true friend she was, Rosa was at the station, although it was only just past eight.
‘Oh Cass! You poor thing! Come and let’s get you coffee and a pastry. Burt’s will be open.’
‘It was so cold on that train!’ said Cass. ‘The air con was up to the max and I didn’t really have enough clothes with me.’
Rosa pulled her into a hug and soon the two friends were sitting in a café that was warm and smelt of coffee, bacon and pastries.
‘When did you last eat? I really fancy a bacon roll.’ Rosa paused. ‘It looks as if the situation calls for one.’
‘That sounds good. And tea.’
Although Cass could tell Rosa was dying to hear everything, she waited until they both had breakfastin front of them. Then Rosa said, ‘Are you ready to talk about it?’
This made Cass smile, something she’d felt she’d never do again. ‘I know you’re ready to hear about it! But actually, I do want to talk. It’s been such a trauma – well, no, that’s far too strong a word—’
‘You slept together?’
Cass nodded. ‘I thought I’d regret it forever if I didn’t. I was seizing the day, like Susie said I should. And it was really, really lovely at the time, but now I feel broken.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I may never see Ranulph again! He’s going to Africa on some assignment and has no idea when he’ll be back. And …’ Cass took a deep breath. ‘I’ve done a really dreadful thing. I slept with him because I wanted to, but I was – am – fairly sure he’s in a relationship with Becca. Remember, we looked on Facebook?’
‘Hang on. You’re feeling guilty in case he’s in a relationship? What about him? He should be the one feeling guilty, surely?’
