She heard the shower going – an attachment on the taps in the narrow bath – and shortly afterwards he appeared in the living room.
‘OK, I’ll take over now,’ he said. ‘Thanks for the tea.’
She thought she’d never sleep but the bed was warm and cocoon-like and the room very dark. While she did spend quite a bit of time thinking about Jago and how she felt about him now, she did drift off and soon Jago was shaking her arm.
‘Hey! Wake up! You must have been very deeply asleep. I’ve been knocking and calling for ages.’
She sat up in bed. ‘Oh, gosh, sorry! What time is it?’
‘Just after four. Dawn is breaking and the birds are singing loud enough to deafen you.’
‘Have you made me tea?’
‘I have. It’s getting cold so hurry up!’
The dawn was so lovely it made Helena (who was a bit sleep-deprived) feel almost weepy. The sun was coming up, sending shafts of sunlight through woodlands, across fields and into the valleys. In the background the birds were so loud they could have been a music track.
She sat in the chair that Jago had moved so she could see the view and sipped her tea. As she watched the mist, which again reminded her so much of carded wool, drift across the landscape she saw a little group of deer emerge from the trees and start grazing in a field.
‘Look,’ she whispered. ‘The deer!’
‘You don’t have to whisper,’ said Jago, who’d reappeared behind her. ‘They won’t hear you from here.’
She dug him in the arm with her elbow. ‘Not them – Fred! How is he? Anything you need to tell me?’
‘Not really. He gets up early though so there’s no point in my going back to bed really.’
‘Go for a couple of hours. You can get him up when he’s ready. I’ll wake you.’
She had been planning to read but instead Helena sat and watched the day slowly wake with the promise of sunshine and light. But distracting her from the beauty, even more than the progress of the deer, who ate the grass for a bit and then meanderedacross to the next wood, were her thoughts of Jago. She had to get them into order, she decided.
Did she still love him? she asked herself. She decided she did because the thought of anything bad happening to him made her really sad. She tested the theory by imagining something awful happening to Cressida or Martin. She was upset and really didn’t want it to come about but she didn’t mind as much as when she thought of Jago suffering.
Could she forgive him for not telling her about his past? Well, she decided, he probably would have told her eventually, and so yes. Except she didn’t know this for sure. Doubt waved in and out of her mind. He’d worked hard to create a new identity, why would he risk telling anyone about his old one?
Abandoning the back-and-forth this created she asked herself other questions. Was Jago a kind man? Easy – yes, he was. She’d experienced it herself and seen it with Fred. He was extremely kind.
Did she fancy him? Another easy one: yes she did, a lot.
Hard question. Did she love him enough to overlook her doubts? Probably yes.
Hardest question. Was he so disillusioned by women that he wouldn’t be able to commit to a relationship again? Answer was definitely ‘don’t know’ followed by ‘hope not’.
Final question. How did he feel about her? He certainly fancied her and liked her as a person, butlove? She couldn’t know. He hadn’t said as much although he had come near it.
She was grateful when Fred stirred, wanting the bathroom. She was driving herself mad with her questions.
Chapter Thirty-two
The day progressed slowly, filled with small tasks until after lunch Jago said, ‘I think I’ll go somewhere and pick up emails and things. Do you want me to take your phone? Your emails would download and then you could read them.’
‘That would be nice,’ said Helena.
‘Get me a newspaper with a decent crossword in it,’ said Fred. ‘And if you can get in touch with my daughter, tell her I’m being very well looked after but I need to get somewhere I can move about more easily.’
‘I think she knows that, Fred,’ said Jago. ‘But I will pass on the message.’
Helena walked out with him to the car. ‘The trouble is,’ he said, ‘Fred’s daughter is struggling to afford the alterations. You do get some help from the government but not everything she needs.’
