‘Only a bit? She must be on some new medication.’
Gilly laughed. ‘Seriously! She wants you to drive a minibus round the country for her and the rest of the gang.’ She paused, distracted. ‘Is there a collective noun for aunts, do you think?’
‘I think in this case it would be a Daphne of aunts,’ said William. ‘But don’t worry, she did warn me and I’m perfectly happy to do it.’
‘I’d drive them myself only I’m not entirely sure I’d be up to it.’
‘Also, I don’t think you could be a proper tour guide if you were wrestling a large vehicle down small lanes, while wrangling that crew of reprobates. I certainly couldn’t do both.’
‘That is really sweet of you. Your Daphne of aunts don’t know how lucky they are having a nephew like you.’
‘I think they do,’ said William. ‘And to be fair, only two of them are my actual aunts.’
‘Well, they want dinner afterwards so I do hope you’ll join us. In fact, I’ll channel my inner Daphne and insist that you do.’
‘But will you want to cook dinner after being with them all day? Wouldn’t you rather I booked us all in at the George?’
‘Oh no. Daphne told me that I could do a casserole and that microwave rice is very easy, so not a problem at all.’
William laughed. ‘In which case, I’d be delighted to accept. You will charge them a handsome amount, won’t you?’
Gilly didn’t answer. She hadn’t had a chance to work out how much to charge but her fondness for the ladies would have made her lenient.
Possibly knowing her better than she realised he went on, ‘I insist that you do! And you can’t hide anything from me, you know.’
Gilly laughed. ‘Oh, OK! I know my dinners are the “added extra” that boosts my profit.’
‘My work has not been in vain. See you on Saturday.’
Chapter Thirteen
The following Saturday the Daphne of aunts arrived a quarter of an hour before they were expected. They had booked a driver to collect them all from their various houses and, in spite of a traffic hold-up on the M4, had got to Fairacres in far less than the time they had allowed. Fortunately, Gilly was aware of Daphne’s passion for punctuality (which in her case meant being early).
‘How lovely to see you all!’ she said. ‘Do invite your driver in for a cup of coffee—’
‘Euphemism for a pee,’ said Daphne.
‘But also for coffee,’ Gilly persisted. ‘I expect he needs some after that long journey.’
‘Euphemism for he needs caffeine after driving a rabble of batty old ladies,’ said Daphne.
Gilly laughed. Daphne could have been a mind reader. ‘That too. I’ll go and get him. You come in anyway. I’m all ready. We just have to wait for William. He’s picking up the minibus.’
When everyone was installed in the minibus, sticks and walking aids to hand, Gilly turned round from her seat in the front next to William. ‘I feel like a proper tour guide. If I start holding up a rolled-up umbrella, talk me down gently.’
‘You carry on, darling,’ said Daphne. ‘We are as eager to follow you as a playground full of children after an ice-cream van.’
‘That’s a rather energetic analogy,’ said Mary, more thoughtfully. ‘But I like it.’
‘If everyone’s strapped in,’ said William, ‘we can go.’
Their first visit was to a little church which was not only historic but quite near a garden centre. Everyone loved a garden centre, especially one that had a huge outlet section.
Gilly had chosen the church for its history – it was a plague church, built a little way away from the village, but also because it wasn’t huge – it wouldn’t tire the old ladies too much.
‘Don’t come in with us,’ said Daphne firmly. ‘If you do we’ll feel obliged to look at everything and contribute generously to the upkeep of the building. You stay here and keep William company.’
‘I was looking forward to coming in,’ objected William. ‘I like old churches.’
