And yet, when I thought of who I wanted to talk all this over with, my mind landed on her immediately. My heart ached for her still, despite all the lies revealed.
I’d known she was lying, I just hadn’t known the extent. And who could truly blame her? She’d heard as a child that the High King was responsible for what happened to her family. After seeing such gruesome tragedy in action and having a perfect target for that rage, it only made sense for her to protect herself.
Why would she have trusted me when she expected me to kill her the moment her truth was revealed?
It explained why she needed the potion, and I suppose I was grateful that our connection was enough to make her doubt what she thought she knew. That she couldn’t reconcile the truth of me with the image in her mind. It explained why the potion had affected her so powerfully.
Veritx, she relived her the night her entire family was murdered just to find out the truth. That took extreme courage, the kind of courage a queen needed. The kind that would put the good of others above their own preconceptions and search to find the truth, no matter the negative effects for themselves.
If I hadn’t wanted her to win this competition already then that might have cinched it alone. Though the last trial would be the one that truly determined the outcome. Or at least, that had been the plan.
Before her.
I had never expected to find someone like her here.
It was almost funny. She was pretending to be a lesser lady, when she was in fact a lady of a great house. She deserved to be Pearl Court’s competitor.
I nearly winced at the thought. Sania had been trying to up her game, but the more I fell for Jacinth, the harder it was to entertain her, or the others.
Frustration rolled through me like thunder. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know what to do.
And that was before I even considered that she’d seen what I’d done to those men who’d attacked her house. Shame still lived within me to this day for what I’d done. For failing House Marit and for the monstrous actions I took following it.
She’d seen me covered in blood and surrounded by the bodies of the men I’d just destroyed. She didn’t seem too disturbed by it, but she must have been. Balthazar was my best friend, a seasoned guard and warrior, and yet he’d been fucking terrified of me.
If—ifI decided to move forward,well, she’d given me the truth of her, terrified as she’d clearly been to do it, so perhaps I owed her the truth of me in return.
If she knew the truth of me, the way I now knew hers, and we both somehow managed to accept one another…we could build a foundation stronger than the diamonds my throne was carved from. We could see Gemaria prosper for hundreds of years—together.
But could I trust her?
After all her lies?
When she had been planning toassassinateme?
I honestly didn’t know if we could move forward from that.
Maybe fighting her in the upcoming challenge would help illuminate the issue. Fighting her did hold a certain appeal; just the thought of her moving gracefully around the ring as our weapons clashed sent a thrill through me.
We’d already tested the ladies’ skill with magic; now we needed to test their martial prowess. For a queen needed to be able to protect herself, her king, her heirs, and her kingdom. And potions weren’t always available, nor the the raw gems we could use for broader, more wild magic.
That could be just the thing I needed to work all of this frustration out.
Chapter forty-one
JacinthLinneaJacinth
Ihadn’t seen Azurill at all over the past three days. I buried myself in training with Alfrikr, hoping to take the edge off. I couldn’t help feeling like I was standing on a cliff, waiting to fall over the edge.
After leaving Azurill’s rooms, I went to my own and called for Faiza and Amatista. Thankfully, they were able to navigate my breakdown with ease. I didn’t tell them the truth; I couldn’t handle seeing their heartbroken faces after dealing with Azurill’s. But they let me cry it out, keeping me sane when I was ready to spiral.
The trial offered an escape, and I grabbed hold of it with both hands. Everything else I was dealing with was just too much, so focusing on the sword in my hand as I fought Alfrikr was a welcome respite.
And now, the last three competitors stood once more in the arena, armored up with weapons in hand, as the cheering crowd called our names and held up banners with our names and likenesses embroidered on them.
I blinked in surprise at the sight of them. Safira had told me the people loved me, but to see the sea of people holding up signs and cheering me on, was touching in a way that I couldn’t explain. For a girl who had to hide her whole life, this level of acknowledgment was overwhelming.
I had already been surprised when Faiza, Amatista, and even Safira came to wish me luck before the trial. Allirea had also wished me luck, as had Ophira, who I’d never spoken to before, but was there to support Allirea. Sania was alone, and I almost felt bad about that, wishing I could speak to my cousin, but her haughty expression was enough to keep me at bay.
