“Well, don’t fret,” I told him solemnly. “I won’t be losing sight of my goal, not when it comes tohim.” I made sure to infuse my voice with all the distaste I felt for Azurill before meeting him. It wasn’t difficult, not when half of me still felt that way.
It was the other half that was the problem, and I buried it quite effectively the moment Carnelian had dragged me away.
“Good,” Carnelian responded sharply, a slight smirk on his face, but his eyes remained hard. Looking into those red depths was always a chilling experience, but watching him now, I could see something complicated going on behind those eyes. Something I couldn’t begin to suss out.
“You never did tell me what Azurill did to your family for you to hate him so much,” Carnelian said casually as he resumed walking us around the garden.
I froze.
It took all my reflexes and talents at deception to make my body move in step with his again, ensuring the lord couldn’t see the chaos he’d just caused within me.
I’d never said anything about my family to him.
He had no way to know that was why I hated Azurill.
He shouldn’t evenknowthat Azurill had done anythingat all.
I’d only told him that my circumstances in poverty had prompted my hate of the high king.
Was he assuming something more personal happened, and landed on my family as a guess? Or was there something else going on here?
I shook my head, pushing aside my turmoil before Carnelian noticed it.
“No, I didn’t,” I answered, side-eyeing him so I could see his face. The upturn of his lips was subtle, but it told me everything I needed to know.
Carnelianknewsomething.
Panic flared within me, all-consuming. For him to knowanythingabout my family…he’d have to know who I really was.
Chapter Twenty-five
Jacinth
My sleep that night was troubled with nightmares once again. After realizing that my identity might not be as secret as I thought, I escaped Carnelian as soon as possible to return to my rooms, where I could panic in private.
I’d forced myself to sleep, knowing that the next challenge would dawn bright and early, but my dreams of the night my world was ripped away chased me through until morning.
My thoughts were a whirlwind, and I had no way to make sense of any of it. I finally resolved to put the whole thing aside until after the next trial. No matter what was going on, I still had to get through this, and having my mind in chaos would only result in mistakes being made.
Compartmentalizing used to be easier.
I got dressed and ready, meeting up with Amatista before heading down to begin the next trial. We discussed our thoughts on what it could be along the way, and I even tried teasing Alfrikr into spilling it, but he was typically tight-lipped.
We stepped into the room where most of the other ladies had already assembled. All except Zumra and Safira. When they finally walked in, Zumra’s eyes found mine immediately, narrowing in contempt.
I smiled back cheerfully at her, getting a sneer in return. Amatista laughed quietly from beside me, bumping me with her elbow. I shrugged in return, making her shake her head in amusement.
“Good morning, ladies,” Azurill said as he walked in the door, a smirk lining his face that I knew spelled trouble.
“This morning will mark the beginning of your next challenge. There are many facets to being my wife and queen, and one of these will, of course, include having children,” he continued, eyeing each of us in turn.
Something in my chest sank at the thought. I wanted a family beyond measure, to feel that sense of warmth and comfort that having one brought, and that I lost too soon. But I also knew that wasn’t in my future; it was just too dangerous. And the idea that Azurill would go on to marry and have children with someone else…
I didn’t know why I cared; Ishouldn’tcare. He was the entire reason I didn’t have any family left, why I could never have one myself. And if I got my vengeance, he wouldn’t be around to marry anyone. All my doubts practically screamed at me, everything converging and leaving me standing on a precipice.
Where it led, I had no idea. I only knew that the thought of Azurill having children with any of the other ladies left a raging storm within my heart.
“To ensure you’re up for the task of raising children, of raising the nexthigh king, you’ll all be responsible for taking care of a child for the next few days,” Azurill revealed, his smirk widening as some of the ladies shifted uneasily.
