“Something about you seems to make me quite foolish as well.” The whisper was wrenched from my gut, and I couldn’t stop it before it landed heavily between us. His intense stare burned through me as I licked my suddenly dry lips. “I shouldn’t trust you.”
“And why not?” He asked quietly, leaning a bit closer.
“As High King, you’ve done awful things,” I tried to make the words land like the accusation they were, but my next ones came out too softly to make it land. “Haven’t you?”
The uncertainty in my voice struck me like a blow. Knowing of the nebulous figure of a high king who had my family killed was one thing, but seeing the actual man before me, I couldn’t quite reconcile him with that figure. My instincts screamed at me that something didn’t fit, and I never ignored my instincts.
His eyes darkened, looking more kyanite than teal in the dim lightning of the tavern, and his face fell slightly before he took a swing of ale. I rushed to take one myself, anything to wet my parched throat.
“I have done terrible things,” he finally said, a weight behind the words that made my heart race into my throat as my stomach fell to the floor. “But everything I’ve done has been in the interest of our kingdom. In protecting the people who live here.”
His arm flung out to indicate the rest of the room, all of the people going about their nights as normal. “They’re the lifeblood of our kingdom, whatever the other nobles may think, and I will always do everything I can to be the kind of king that deserves to wear the crown on my head.”
His hand suddenly reached forward, grabbing mine. “What would you do to protect the people you love?”
Mother. Father. Juvela and her husband, Zav. Peony, and my aunt and uncle. Cor and our other guards and household members. Ula.Their faces flashed through my mind in a rapid shuffle, leaving me dizzy. Whatwouldn’tI do?
My eyes closed, but my fingers curled around his. There was a tragic irony to clasping his hand while the memory of reaching for my mother’s and never making it stirred. And it was all because of him.
Right?
Confusion swam within me, and I opened my eyes, telling him nothing but the truth, “Anything.”
“As would I.” He smiled, matching my whisper and squeezing my hand, but that smile dimmed a moment later. “And there are some who think my brother’s death has made the throne weak. Your lord among them.”
He watched me quietly, and I dipped my head in agreement. He wasn’t wrong; Carnelian was already taking advantage of this. To getmein. I was the one who would ultimately destroy this man, and for the first time, I questioned if it was the right thing to do.
Vengeance had been an unattainable goal for so long that it felt like a dream to get the opportunity for it. But was taking out this man, who apparently cared for the people he ruled over, and replacing him with someone like Carnelian, truly the best thing for Gemaria?
And since when did I care?
Street rats learn first and foremost that you must protect yourself because no one else will do it. But as a memory rose in my mind of sitting on my father’s knee as he explained his duty to take care of the people of Pearl Court, of how, as nobles, it was our job to protect them, my entire worldview felt shaken to the core.
What was I?Street rat or noble?
Who was I?Jacinth or…Lady Linnea Jacinth Marit?
“The people deserve rulers who truly care. Who do their duty and serve them, not lord over them,” I murmured, forgetting for a moment where I even was.
“These trials, they’re all about making sure I’ll have the right queen beside me to rule the realm for exactly that reason,” Azurill said softly, something shining in his eyes that made my heart stutter in my chest. “One who can hopefully be more than an ornament to look pretty and give me heirs. I want a partnership like the ones my parents had.”
“My parents had that too.” The words came out of my mouth like spilled ink, my head too foggy to stop it as memories assailed me. “They worked together, ensuring the people were happy and safe. That they were thriving. Until…”
“Your parents live in Ruby Court, don’t they?” he asked, his brows creasing as he considered my words.
“Oh, of course.” I laughed, but the forced sound did little to cover my panic as I realized that I’dmassivelyfucked up.
Thankfully, we were distracted, as at that moment the people in the tavern began pushing tables aside, and music filled the air. Couples stood upand began dancing to the tune, and I looked to Azurill, his brows creased as he clearly tried to make sense of my words, so I quickly stood, grabbing him by the hand.
“Come on, Veri.” I smiled wickedly, “Time to dance like a normal person. If that ego of yours can take it, of course.”
He chuckled, shaking his head as he gave up trying to figure out what my slip-up meant and instead gave in to being dragged to the floor. As promised, the dancing wasverydifferent from the kind done at court. Commoners didn’t dance the way nobles did, structured and precise. No, they were wild and free, able to let loose with no constraints.
I loved all types of dancing, and had missed the regimented dancing of my youth that I now got to experience again at court, but I had thrived for years by dancing the way other peasants did. I threw myself into it now, and Azurill quickly caught on. His effortless grace was almost infuriating, but he made for a good enough dance partner that I couldn’t be too upset.
He spun me around, my hood flying off and my pink hair tumbling around my shoulders as I twirled, before he pulled me sharply back into his body. Chest to chest, our eyes locked as his other hand found the small of my back. We danced in a circle as we followed the beat of the music, but our eyes never left one another.
I felt consumed by him as he surrounded me, leaving me thankful for the fresh breath of air when he spun me back out. As the song ended and moved into the next, I grabbed both of his hands with mine, pulling us toward one another again and back out, before we both spun with our hands crossing. As we came to face each other once more, the smile on his face only fed the one on my own like tinder to a fire.
