I did as she said, focusing on the spot inside of me that Calix had helped me locate.
“Now, I want you to focus on different emotions. We’re going to run through them, and I want you to really feel each one. Let your magic respond naturally. The point is to see how your magic responds to each. Okay?” she asked, and I nodded back, preparing myself.
Calix watched on, supervising, but ready to step in if needed.
“Okay, let’s start with happiness.” Ndrita smiled. “Think of something that makes you truly happy, and let yourself really live in that emotion. Feel it as truly as you would when you experience it.”
Most of my life hadn’t been what I’d call happy. Even when things were calm, I was always angry. About everything. I hadn’t really experienced happiness until I came here. Night Kingdom opened my heart in ways I had never thought possible.
I thought back to the night we all went out for the first time to the Otherworld Bar. Drinking and dancing, laughing, surrounded by amazing people I was just learning to let into my heart. Experiencing for the first time what it felt like to be in Calix’s embrace. How easy it was to lose myself in him, and he in me.
My magic churned within me, before blasting out. Not a violent explosion, but a peaceful, beautiful one. Starlight expanded from me in rays of sparkling light.
“Wonderful!” Ndrita clapped, her smile wide. “Now, continue feeling that emotion, keep it with you, but focus on pulling the magic back into you. It responds to your will, all you have to do is tell it what you want.”
I looked up at her, tilting my head to the side, “But I didn’t tell it to do anything to begin with.”
“That’s because magic responds to our emotions, remember,” Calix interjected, smiling slightly at me. I realized then that he could likely feel what I was feeling. I blushed slightly, then kicked myself for letting that affect me in such a way. I wasn’t sure if he knew what I was thinking about to bring the emotion forward, but he definitely felt the effects of it.
“Yes, thank you, brother.” Ndrita rolled her eyes, turning her head to him. “I do have this, you know.”
I snickered as he raised his hands in surrender.
She turned back to me. “What we all learn to do is feel those emotions, but keep our magic leashed at the same time. It will become second nature eventually. You’ll be able to feel those emotions without it responding automatically.”
I thought of it wistfully. I hated being so exposed, everyone able to see me unable to master my emotions. My magic was a telltale sign of my inner conflicts, broadcast for the world to see.
“What we’re doing here will help,” she insisted, coming forward and placing a hand on my shoulder. “You were deprived of the basic lessons all Fae are taught as younglings. You’re playing catch-up at an accelerated rate now. You’re doing wonderfully, truly.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, nodding slightly. It was so strange. She was my mate’s younger sister, but also centuries older than me. I wasn’t sure how Fae relationships like these usually worked, but it felt like she wanted to be friends at least.
She nodded in return, stepping back. “You’ll keep practicing this, and before you know it, you’ll have it under control.”
Those were the keywords, and they fortified my resolve. I needed this under control to focus on the bigger picture. On Cyrus, the war, and the threat of chaos lingering over everything.
We went through all the emotions we could think of, and I marveled at how differently my magic responded to each one. Arousal we skipped for now, but she advised me to practice.“In private. Calix.”Eyeing her brother pointedly. I couldn’t help my laughter, watching the two siblings interact. But it quickly faded as we came to the last emotion.
Rage.
“As dragons, rage will always be the hardest one for us all to control,” Ndrita informed me mournfully. “We’re naturally inclined to it, and our magic is attuned with it in a way our other emotions just aren’t, because it ties back so strongly to our dragon forms.”
“That makes sense,” I agreed, nodding sadly. “I’ve always struggled with it, and my magic…”
I trailed off, but Ndrita nodded in understanding. “Go ahead and feel it. Let’s see what happens.”
I knew what would light the fuse on my rage quickly, and let myself go back to my time with Cyrus. Calix stiffened in my peripheral, but I ignored it for now, focusing on the memories. Of being treated like a pet, dressed up like a doll, manipulated into acts I never wanted to partake in with him, and almost forced to…
My power erupted out of me, faster and harder than I’d ever seen. It reached all the way out over the water. I couldn’t even see the end of it, but I couldfeelit.
The magic felt volatile. Dangerous and unpredictable. There was no way for me to controlthis. I wobbled slightly on my feet, but Calix was there, grasping my arms and pulling me back against him.
“It’s not the magic, it’s you,” he whispered into my ear. “You are the only one in control of yourself, my réalta. You will never be under another’s control again. Now, grasp onto that control. Force the magic to your will.”
He was right. It wasn’t the magic that was volatile, it was me. My emotions powered it, and my rage regarding Cyrus knew no bounds. But the powerwasmine. At the very heart of it, this magic,it was me.
I realized now that I was right all those months ago, when I told Cyrus that true power couldn’t be given. This was naturally mine. I was never truly powerless.
The power was within me all along.
