His soft words were reassuring, and the knowledge that this wasn’t just me overreacting settled that fear inside me. But my emotions were still like a tidal wave about to sweep me away in their current, leaving me gasping for breath as I struggled to surface.
But—wait…
“You—” I started, my words failing me for a moment. “You can feel my emotions, right?” I looked up at Calix, whose head was bowing down toward me already. He winced at my tone, which admittedly came out more accusatory than I intended. I’d already guessed it was the case, but I needed confirmation as my brain began working properly again.
For the most part, anyway.
“It’s—it’s part of the mate bond,” he admitted, his eyes lowered. I took another deep breath. I couldn’t deal with that now. I had to shut it all down. Get out of this Tartarus damned kingdom, and then sort out what in the Otherworld had happened to me, and why.
I could see the instant Calix felt me shutting my emotions away.
“Asteria…” Calix pleaded, a plaintive note in his voice. I just couldn’t deal with a soulmate bond on top of trying to reconcile my own soul right now. I met the pain in his eyes with my own as I locked away the bond.
Internalizing his pain and knowing I’d carry it with me, right alongside my own.
“I need time,” I whispered, pleading for his understanding.
He nodded, silvery-white hair flowing behind his shoulders as he pulled back, letting go of my hand and moving to stand. Even now, he was willing to give me the choice. He knew how important choice was to me and didn’t even hesitate to give it to me.
It made me wish I could swallow my words back down and reverse the pain I’d just caused him. But that would only hurt us both in the long run.
“Of course.” Calix nodded, face blanked of all the emotion that had just been swimming in his eyes. I nearly winced, seeing my dorchadas replaced with this grim king once more. His face was so locked down I couldn’t get any insight into his feelings, and I’d locked the mate bond down before I got a whiff of his through it.
His posture was intimidating, his broad shoulders set back and power emanating from him like a second skin. I knew he was struggling to control his emotions, but it made him seem even more dangerous. Men with power being on edge didn’t usually end well.
I couldn’t blame him, though. I knew this hurt him, thatI’dhurt him.
He’d been waiting over four hundred years for his soulmate, and it was just our luck the entire situation had gone to Tartarus.
He deserved a better soulmate than me.
Eryx squeezed my shoulders, helping me stand up when my legs were too shaky to do it myself. I grasped his arm, my first steps wobbly like a newborn rozeaffery.
“What—” I shook my head in confusion.
“Your body is different now.” Like I needed the reminder, that was all I was thinking about. “You’re going to need to adjust to the changes.” Eryx’s voice was apologetic, but he quickly let me go when he noticed Calix staring at where his hand rested on my arm.
I wanted to sigh in frustration. I couldn’t deal with a jealous mate at the moment. I didn’t even know enough about the bond between us to know how this would affect us now that it had been… triggered? Unsuppressed? Let loose?
I would need to find that out in addition to what happened to me.
“Can we please get out of this place?” I begged Eryx. He looked at me sadly, but he nodded, looking to Calix. Our king gave a sharp nod, and we followed him out of Cyrus’s rooms.
I paused at the doorway, causing Eryx to look over at me in confusion.
“What’s wrong?” He looked around, clearly worried. His posture was stiffer than I’d ever seen it. The boyish charm absent as he tried to serve as an intermediary between Calix and me after experiencing an intensely traumatizing moment.
I could recognize that even through the fog I was currently swimming in. I’d been bleeding out in his arms, and Eryx, the brother I never had, would certainly be affected by that. And Calix—I couldn’t think of that now. I didn’t have the strength yet to worry about other traumas on top of my own.Not yet.
I was still adjusting to caring about others in this way. I’d worried about myself all my life because the only other people who even remotely gave a shit were my par—myparents.
My parents who weren’t my parents.Couldn’t be.
I sucked in a sharp breath that felt like glass going down, cutting me apart from the inside as the realization hit me.
They were human, through and through. What did that mean? I could feel hysteria rising as I thought about them. About that last hug from my mom, my dad slipping me that iron dagger. I nearly choked on a laugh. I hadn’t wanted to keep it on me. Hiding it away where I couldn’t even access it when I needed it. Whatever had been done to me, it had somehow stopped iron from affecting me—a trade-off for losing my magic, maybe. But I still hadn’t wanted that thing on me.
I suppose there was something to be said for instinct. I remembered flinching away from the iron door in Dusk…
