The loud rumble was all but ignored as Calix pulled me into him, using his fingers to lift my chin and making me open my eyes. I found nothing but warm understanding in his eyes, making me release a breath of relief.
“This is why you’ve been pulling away?” he asked quietly, his eyes swimming with color.
“I didn’t mean to,” I admitted. “I was partly trying to… trying to prepare myself, I guess. And…”
“And what?” he urged me, his head dipping down so his forehead pressed to mine.
I gripped onto him for dear life.
“I felt like I was filled with all these chaotic emotions, and I couldn’t control a damn one. I know I’m supposed to bring balance back to Celesterra, but how am I supposed to do that when I’m full of chaos myself?” I asked desperately. “How am I going to do any of this when chaos and rage drive me on? I felt like I needed to close those emotions off. I didn’t mean to close you off in the process.”
We ignored the rumble in the background, as if the ground wasn’t shaking beneath our very feet.
“My réalta,” he whispered, a tortured note in his voice. “It’s perfectly normal to feel like that when you’ve had so many changes in your life. That doesn’t mean you can’t restore the balance. It doesn’t mean I’m going to be torn away. It’s just a matter of getting used to your new life. But closing yourself off won’t get you anywhere. You think I haven’t tried that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, whisper quiet.
“After my parents died, I was a mess. With the weight of the kingdom and all its expectations, having to raise my sisters, all the women who wanted me for all the wrong reasons,” he said, making me growl slightly at the thought. He chuckled at my reaction, cupping my cheeks and making me look him in the eyes.
“I was filled with nothing but chaos inside, and I tried to shut it all down and not feel anything instead,” he explained, the Aurora slowly dancing in his eyes. “All it did was bottle up the pain until it came raging out in an explosion of epic proportions.”
I raised a brow at him, and he shook his head slowly. “Trust me, it was a disaster.”
“So what? I should try tofeelall those emotions? How am I supposed to lead anyone that way?” I was sure that uncorking everything inside of me would lead to a catastrophe the likes of which had never been seen before.
“One day at a time,” he said firmly. “You get up, you feel whatever you need to, you do whatever you need to, and you take it as it comes.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I complained, and he laughed softly.
“I have had centuries more practice, to be fair.” He smiled, and I couldn’t help my giggle as I slapped his shoulder.
“Old man.” I teased him. He scowled at me before leaning in to tickle the spot where my neck met my shoulder, making me squeal and pull away. His bright laughter in response made me glare at him, but I couldn’t help the smile trying to fight its way out.
“I love you, Asteria,” he said once he’d sobered. “And I don’t care how long it takes for you to come to terms with this, to know that what’s between us will last; I’ll keep waking up and reminding you of it every day.”
I tried to form a response, but my mouth opened and closed uselessly as my heart roared in my ears.
He stepped even closer and took my hands in his. “And I don’t care if it takes years for you to say it. To feel like youcan. Because you’re worth every moment of the wait.”
A loud rumble sounded, and I looked up with tear-filled eyes to see the bridge had filled in completely. I looked back at Calix, and he wiped away one of my escaped tears with a smile.
“Come on.” He stepped out onto the bridge, and I followed him across. I had no idea what to say after his words. I wanted so badly to be able to verbalize my feelings, but that pressing weight of fear had my tongue caught in a trap.
He may be willing to remind me every day that he would be there, but it didn’t stop the fear inside knowing that he didn’t control our fate any more than I did. He could be taken away—and loving him meant the chances of that only increased.
Love may be only for the Fae, but I wasn’t any usual Fae.
* * *
When we madeour way out from under the mountain, we came to the portal that surely led back to Tartarus. The portal, full of black liquid smoke, flickered before us, and we both looked to one another with a nod, before stepping through.
We emerged from the portals to dark skies rolling above a river of fire. The flames flickered over every inch of the water, and I didn’t see a way around it. The fiery water continued in every direction, except for the dead-end path back to the portal.
“This must be the Styx,” Calix observed, looking around the area. “We need to cross, but we can’t use our wings or touch the water.”
“How in Tartarus are we supposed to do that?” I asked, exasperated at all these riddles. I would never get used to swearing on the place we currently walked through either. It was beyond strange.
“I have no idea,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “If we can’t fly over it, and we can’t swim through it, then…”
