My breathing grew frantic as I tried to free myself, but Cyrus was always there, holding me down and keeping me captive in his arms.
Until finally, a burst of darkness rolled in, and the flashes dissipated like morning mist. Leaving me in the comforting hold of the night sky, cradling me and reassuring me that what had haunted me were mere memories, ones that fled at the first touch of shadow.
Luna’s shining scales caught my eye, and I let out a deep breath of relief as she unfurled from her curled-up position, darting over to me and nudging me with her snout in worry.
“I’m okay, Luna,” I reassured her breathlessly. “Merely bad memories, but thankfully, you’ve come to my rescue.” I tried to smile brightly at her, but by her worried rumble, it clearly didn’t fool her.
“Well, I will be okay, anyway.” I sighed, petting down her glowing silver scales, the cool and rough texture taking my attention.
At least until I felt the darkness begin to stir.
I could physically feel the presence in my midst, like a pull on my soul that spun me around toward him without my permission, encouraged by Luna’s nudging snout. A gasp slipped past my lips unconsciously.
Calix stood before me, shadows writhing from him like spilled ink. We both stood, staring at one another. Neither one of us sure if the slightest movement might break the magic of the moment and see the dream dissolve before our eyes.
At least until Luna’s snout nudged me abruptly forward once more, and I yelped as I tripped over air. Calix’s chuckle had me glaring slightly at him before I turned my glare on Luna. She looked much too smug somehow, and merely gave a flick of her tail before she flew off and curled back into a ball. The moonlight that was emanating from her fell over us, outlining Calix’s shadows even as it blended into my starlight.
“Asteria.” Calix finally spoke, his voice softer than I’d ever heard it. The agony he tried to hide in his eyes was enough to have me stepping forward, wanting desperately to reach out to him. Yet still unsure how.
I was so mixed up, emotionally, mentally, physically. And my feelings for Calix were just as much of a mess as everything else in my life was. Still, that desire for him beat ever steady within my heart.
My step forward seemed to relieve him, his shoulders slumping slightly, before he stepped toward me himself. “I know everything is…a lot, right now. And I promise you I’m not going to make you do or say anything. I’m hoping I can just… explain a few things.”
I was shocked by how uncertain he sounded. I’d never heard him sound less than certain, about anything. And I somehow found myself nodding, my voice caught in my throat.
Calix sighed, his hand raking through his long, silvery-white hair. The shadows writhed around him, pulsing like his anxiety had seeped into them. “I should start with an apology.”
I raised a brow at that, waiting to hear what exactly he planned to apologize for. My own anxiety fought against my curiosity. I was dying to hear his explanation as much as I dreaded it.
“You know I’ve spent many years waiting for my mate, for you.” Lilac eyes met mine, a shock running through me at hearing the words once more. It still didn’t feel real, somehow, while simultaneously feeling like the truest thing in my life.
I nodded slightly, Calix mimicking the small movement in turn before he continued. “I promised myself I would always be loyal to my mate. From the day my soulmark came in. But when we met, I was drawn to you immediately, and it fucking hurt trying to resist the pull to you.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. His narrowed in turn, and he stepped closer to me, causing me to back up a step. It brought me right back to our first meeting, where he backed me into the wall of the alley in Dusk while I did my best to contain my emotions and keep him at a distance. Something quivered within my chest, and I swallowed hard, trying to brace myself.
“I know I hurt you.” His words brought my feet to a stop, and he stepped close enough I could feel the heat of his body radiating into mine. “Ihatethat I hurt you.” The pure despair in his tone had me balling my hands up into fists so I wouldn’t reach out for him. “I never wanted that to happen. I was torn between what I thought was loyalty to my mate, and to you.”
It was my turn to narrow my eyes. “But we both know you chose an imaginary mate over me.” He opened his mouth to argue, a mulish look on his face, but I was determined to say my piece here. The pain of every time he pulled away was too fresh to forget.
“Time and again, you ran from me. Choosing the idea of your mate over me as a person. Had your mate turned out to be someone else, you would have dropped me in a second.”
“That’s not true.” He snarled, the colors of the Aurora overtaking his eyes, but unlike the usual dancing colors, these exploded in a chaotic eruption. I blinked rapidly, having never seen that before. His hands came down on my arms, grabbing me and pulling me into him, my body crashing into his chest.
I growled, surprising myself with the sound. But the fire of my anger sparked, and I just rolled with it. Another item to add to the many already on myTo Worry About Laterlist. “Yes, it is! You didn’tchooseme. Sure, you may not mind I turned out to be your mate, but you would have chosen whoever that turned out to be! My feelings be damned.”
It was easiest to focus on my anger. It was familiar ground for me. I knew deep down that this wasn’t really the issue. The issue was me, and the chaos my life had been upended into. I’d never felt so insecure in myself as a person as I did now. This was the only thing I could latch onto in a sea of hurt. The only emotion that I understood.
“You see this place?” His question was just as snarled as before, except this time, it was a low, almost slurred one. His fangs had lengthened, growing long and sexy and getting in the way of his tongue as he spoke.
But the completely random question in response to my emotional words threw me completely. This man sent my head spinning every which way. I could never tell where up or down was as he threw me for loop after loop.
“I’ve spent years trying to reach you here. Reaching and reaching, but never able to get close. Feeling your emotions, but able to do fuckingnothingabout it.” He spat, but the agony in his eyes was surely mirrored in mine at the reminder. All those dreams had torn me up inside, wanting beyond anything to reach the darkness that reached back for me.
And now here he stood, herewestood, touching at last.
The desperation to connect wasn’t gone, it still rang through me like a bell. But too many things kept me from jumping into that bond that tied us together. We were somehow closer than ever before, and yet equally as distant as we’d ever been.
“After you were taken, I was a mess. And in my dreams, I found myself here. Knowing my mate was here, butyouwere somewhere out there in the waking world, needing me. I knew I couldn’t keep you at arm’s length anymore. Your capture tore me open inside, and I knew without a doubt I’d never be able to walk away from you, my réalta. Bond be damned.”
