Cyrus’s files indicated that he didn’t think his younger sister was anything to worry about in regard to his plans. According to him, she was flighty and temperamental, unable to be patient long enough to pull off any schemes of worth. She may indeed be all the things Cyrus said, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be formidable, nonetheless.
Emmie’s smile was broad and happy though. “She’s wonderful! She makes sure we are all well taken care of. She doesn’t take advantage or force us into anything that would make us uncomfortable.”
“That’s great.” I replied, forcing a smile for her benefit. We chatted as we continued walking down the hall. I still didn’t know Emmie that well really, but she was the only person I’d really been able to speak to in a casual manner. Plus, it was nice to have a familiar, and friendly, face beside me.
As we went our separate ways, parting with a squeeze of our hands and smiles, I ruminated on her description of Daneiris. It sounded like a completely different person than the one I saw at the nightly dinners, or even described in Cyrus’s files. Emmie did spend more time with her though, so she might know better than me. Perhaps the princess was different around her familythan others. With the family in question, I wouldn’t exactly blame her.
Thinking again of the notes I’d found in Cyrus’s files about her, I was left frustrated. Daneiris and Twyla had the least amount of intel available. While Cyrus kept a spy on each of his sisters, he didn’t bother with more since he didn’t consider them threatening. The list of places Daneiris went and what she was doing was far from comprehensive, riddled with holes in her schedule. I was debating the likelihood that the spy he had on her had flipped their loyalties. I couldn’t think of many other logical explanations for the gaps in information, and Cyrus clearly didn’t care enough about her to investigate. He was too narrowly focused on his brothers and the risk they posed.
I was determined to get to the bottom of what Daneiris was up to myself, and I would need to find a way to do so that wouldn’t alert Cyrus.
It was better for me and my own goals to keep Cyrus ignorant. I would need to get another spy into Princess Daneiris’s group. Someone discreet and not currently in Cyrus’s network, that way both he and the spy he had on Daneiris wouldn’t be aware of them. It wouldn’t do to have the new spy discovered and ousted to anyone. I needed one who would work for me alone.
I walked into my rooms to find Priscilla already waiting for me. I gave her a distracted smile that she returned as I dropped into the vanity chair for her to begin getting me ready. “How are you doing today, Pris?”
The blonde groaned, her head falling back before shooting back up to look at me. “I’m exhausted, honestly. Princess Daneiris keeps me busy. And sharing me with Cyrus now means I’m stretched pretty thin.”
I didn’t realize she worked under Princess Daneiris. Thinking back to the plan I’d just been ruminating on, it felt like the stars had aligned for me. Priscilla was perfect for this. She wassomeone Princess Daneiris already knew and trusted, a person Cyrus wouldn’t question going between us both—I couldn’t think of anything better.
“I’m sorry.” I sympathized, offering her a small smile. I wished none of us had to live these half-lives. My words felt so, so inadequate. Her life wasn’t her own, and she was forced into spending this extra time with me, which pushed her to the point of exhaustion. I felt horrendous even thinking of planning to use her as a spy.
But I also didn’t see many other options.
“Don’t you dare blame yourself!” She sighed and narrowed her eyes at me. “You have as much control as I do.” She rolled her eyes before going for her bag containing her supplies.
One side of my mouth tilted up despite myself. I liked Priscilla, as much as one could when your interactions were a result of forced circumstances. But the girl was down to Adamah and friendly, which was in short supply around here.
“That’s true.” I sighed heavily and Pris offered me a sympathetic smile in return as she began her work. Priscilla pulled pieces of my dark hair back and pinned them in strategic places with small pink jewels, while the rest was left to fall down my back. She used a special Fae brush designed with magic to add curls at the end of my hair. I looked with wonder at the jewels in my hair, and I couldn’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be wearing such grand things.
I clutched the necklace from my parents, which still felt over the top. I was learning to accept the gift purely because it was from them; the pink jewels, however, spoke of a female who was letting a male spoil her, and I wasn’t. But I had no choice, even though I knew the impression the rest of the court, and the city, would get from me wearing Cyrus’s jewels. I forced my discomfort down, trying to accept that this was my new reality.
“Where is the prince taking you today?” Priscilla asked, finishing my hair, and switching focus to my face.
“I’m not really sure, honestly.” I shrugged lightly. “He wants me to see the city, apparently. And all its many wonders.” I finished dryly and she laughed in return.
“There’s a lot of fun to be had out there, if you’ll allow yourself to enjoy it.” She nudged me with a smirk. I raised a brow at her, and she faux glared at me for interrupting her work.
“What do you mean if I allow myself?” I couldn’t help asking.
“Asteria, you are bound and determined not to enjoy life.” Priscilla paused and gave me a knowing look. “You’re all tied up in knots about our place in this world. If you accepted it, allowed yourself to enjoy what good youcanhave…you may have a better life than you’d expected. That’s all.” She smiled kindly to soften the blow of her words.
I reflected on them as she continued her work, but I didn’t understand how so many could just accept the fate we’d all been handed. How did they not rage inside at the injustice of it all? Could I really just forget and let myself be spoiled by a handsome prince? Was I capable of letting myself enjoy my time here? To let life be something easy and simple, not a constant struggle.
It sounded nice, I would admit. But it also sounded like a fairytale. And the Fae adored their tales of fated love and extraordinary happiness—they were entitled to living them after all, unlike myself. So many of those fairytales filled the library here, I knew I would never run out of options to read at night as I tried to escape my overactive thoughts. Where once I sought out Soren to quiet my raging mind, now I had books. I knew those tales of love were never going to be a reality for me, but the books could capture my imagination and let me dream of a different life.
I knew I could have Cyrus if I wanted. He wasn’t promising me love and happiness however, and we both knew it. He promisedan arrangement where I would be his enslaved mistress. And I had more respect for myself than letting that be my life.
A part of me was jealous of those who could accept the life handed to us. I envied those who coasted through life with an ease and content I couldn’t muster. That wasn’t who I was, and I could only be true to myself. I had no control over so many aspects of my own life, but I could control this. My time and labor might belong to my master, but I would control my own damn body and who was given the privilege of touching it.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t find joy in my life, like Priscilla said. I could enjoy this outing to the city and let myself have fun. Perhaps it would help get Cyrus where I wanted him. I needed him to be trusting of me, for him to want me, but he also needed to accept the fact that he didn’t have me. It would allow me to use his power for myself, without forfeiting my own to him. I would continue learning everything I could about the politics here, and I would wield that information to benefit myself.
I just had to figure out how. But I knew, justknew, like a promise that lived in my blood, that I would find a way. I wouldn’t allow for any other outcome.
“Priscilla—” I dared to begin. “How do you feel about working for Princess Daneiris? Is she good to you?” I looked up at her in the mirror and saw she had frozen.
Her eyes shot to me, skittering and nervous, her lashes fluttering. She cleared her throat. “Why would you ask that?”
“You know I’m not happy here.” I stated plainly, and she nodded slowly, brow furrowing. “I need information. Some way to arm myself against Cyrus.”
