And the man I lo—the man I cared for, who’d saved me, who’d given me freedom, readying to fight to the death.
This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to care about anyone. This is what happened. Still, as I watched Calix launch himself into the mess of Fae guards, I couldn’t find in myself to regret it. I finally knew what it was tolive. I’d already sworn to myself I wouldn’t go back to living a half-life again.
Living was infinitely preferable to existing, and I would embrace all the pain of living to experience the joy it offered.
I watched Calix, and he was—Nox, he wasamazing.
This was a man who gloried in violence. He’d told me before he wasn’t agoodman, andno, looking at him now, I knew hewas correct. He wasn’tgood.He was fabulous at killing and he did it with no reservation. Blood coated his skin, staining his silvery white hair red, and I gloried in the sight of it. Never had I imagined a man could fight so fiercely, and certainly not onmybehalf.
But here Calix was, cutting down person after person, without a care for the lives of the ones he put down, as long as I was safe. So no, maybe he was not agoodman, but he was agreatone.
Here was a man who stood against a continent, who defied every known convention of his people because he saw the wrong that was slavery and was determined to fix it. A man who raised his two younger sisters once their parents died, who treated his friends like family and took people into their group without hesitation. He empowered people, giving them the tools they needed to be their best, free selves.
I would take a great man any day, over a good one. There was no room for worrying about being good when battling against slavers. There was too much underhanded dealing and bloodshed for that.
Was he a monster? My dorchadas was adragon.
All the Fae could be considered monsters, Calix more than many, maybe—but a dragon stands far above the others. Fierce and protective, he was everything he should be. He couldn’t be contained in such simple terms.
CouldIeven be considered good? After all, I schemed my way out of Dusk, I learned how to kill in Night—and as Calix focused on the men in front of him, I was the one left to handle the guard sneaking through. He somehow cleared away the darkness that Calix erected to protect me. And then the guard’s hand reached to grab me and landed on my waist, but I spun, and his grip faltered—I felt no compunction about spitting his throat open with my dagger.
But now I was in the open, grab-able. I had no idea what magic that guard had used to clear away the wall of darkness, but I couldn’t focus on that. More guards were already rushing at me, so I pulled my sword and charged at them. They froze for a moment, not anticipating that I would fight back.
After all, slaves weren’t allowed to even hold a weapon, let alone train. Calix had given me that. If he was a monster, then there was no such thing as a good man. A monster who empowers the weak is the kind of monster I want on my side—one who fights like a monster to protect, instead of harm. Cyrus was the kind of monster who wanted to cause harm. He wanted me back, wanted me to be his, and that, I could not allow.
I hacked and slashed, spinning left and then right. But I was fighting Fae much stronger than me. Titan’s words came back to me, how I had to be more cunning when fighting opponents much stronger and faster than I am.
I backed up, into a narrower side hall. It gave me less room to move, but it also forced them to face me one at a time instead of several at once. It allowed me to take a few down before I truly started to flag against their strength.
“Calix!” I called, hating to distract him, but left with little choice.
“Oh, Calix looks a bit busy at the moment. Don’t you think?” I squealed in shock as Cyrus picked me up from behind. His hand covered my mouth, and I kicked out, trying to fight him off. His fist crashed down on my head, and it instantly fell forward, the pain crippling.
“Asteria!” I heard Calix bellow, his scream laced with rage and desperation. I barely managed to lift my head, looking up to see a blur of silvery white. It took me a moment to identify it as his hair as he swung towards where I was. The sight of him charging forward was the last thing I saw, as darkness descended over me.
Chapter 36
Darknesswas all I knew. It pervaded every sense. It was all I saw; all I could feel. I could practically taste it on my tongue. The scent of it was in my nose. The whoosh of darkness moving around me was the only sound that existed.
But I’d always been comfortable in darkness—even if I longed to feel the sun on my face after a while.
I wasn’t sure how long it lasted, but eventually, I seemed to float away. This darkness was different, better. It sparkled and shined, and when I looked up…I smiled.Luna. She unfurled from her balled up position and flew towards me, nudging me with her snout when she arrived. I reached out and pet a hand down her head. She made a mournful noise and nodded her head to indicate the darkness around us, using her snout to urge me to go to it.
Confused, I shook my head but followed her direction. My hands began to glow with starlight, and I reached out—sure enough, the darkness reached back, or tried to. There was something—something strange. Like the darkness was more…hesitant? I could feel emotions beginning to come through, and it seemed as confused as could be. Rage, grief, anticipation, desire, fear, regret, sadness, love. It was overwhelming. The darkness slid around me, not able to touch with the barrier, but then it just—slinked away.
I gasped awake. My whole body hurts. The feeling of my skin being too tight overtaking everything for a moment. I went to stretch it out, but my limbs wouldn’t move. I tried to pull my hands down, and nothing happened except a hard pull on my wrists. I forced my eyes open. Everything was blurry, but I was just able to make out my legs—
Spread open and cuffed to a bed.
Panic rose, and I looked up to find my wrists cuffed to the bed as well. Thankfully, I still had my clothing on, but I was spread eagle on someone’s bed and—
“You’re awake.” I froze. Thatvoice. No—no.
Memories came back to me in a rush. The mission in Sunset. Sneaking into the palace in Biarma. The fight. Calix.Cyrus. Emmie—by the Otherworld, Emmie had betrayed us.
Betrayedme.
The first person I had trusted in my new life and looked at what happened. What hurt the worst was that she was right, she did warn me not to trust her. Or anyone.
