“But we don’t have to let the past haunt our future,” he added. “Tell me the worst of it, Kailia. Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”
The bark of laughter that came from her was harsh and loud in their quiet rooms. “You can’t fix it, Cethin. You can’t fix me. That’s not how things work.”
“I didn’t say it’d be immediate. And you’re perfect. I’m not looking to fixyou; I’m looking to help. Believe it or not, we’re the same, tiny fiend. Too persistent to give up and too stubborn to break. I need to know what we are facing.”
We.
As if he was part of this. As if her weaknesses were his too.
“You know about the touching,” she said, feeling entirely too vulnerable and exposed.
“I do.”
“And you know why,” she added.
For the most part anyway.
“What else?” he pushed. “What were you referring to when you told Razik you didn’t know if you could do this anymore?”
Dammit.
She thought he’d forgotten about that, but she should have known better. He didn’t simply forget anything.
But he’d given her something today. Something he didn’t have to. Something she still didn’t fully understand.
“My power is broken,” she whispered. “And it’s slowly killing me. Not literally,” she added in a rush. “But I feel like I’m slowly dying inside, unable to move through my ashes. It’s…driving me a little mad. I don’t feel like myself, and I feel…a little lost. Like a piece of me is missing.”
He nodded, taking in her words. Then he reached out, wrapping a hand around the crystal at her throat. He gave thenecklace a light tug that had her leaning closer to him, his lips hovering over hers. “I have an idea, wife. Something to discuss later, but tonight…”
He trailed off, his eyes dipping to her mouth, and gods, she wanted the same thing. Wanted to press her lips to his. Wanted to touch him. Wanted him to touch her.
But as soon as she thought it, she was pulling back, the cord of the necklace digging into her flesh.
“You would have to trust me,” he urged, fist still wrapped around the crystal and not letting her get too far.
“I do. I mean, I’m trying, but Cethin, I…” She shook her head, unsure of how to explain any of this.
“Let me help,” he urged. “You’ll be in control the entire time. Like when I stayed across the room.”
“But I hadn’t wanted you to stay across the room in the end,” she protested.
He smirked. “I know, which is why I’m proposing something different now. Small steps, remember.”
She tried to smile, but knew it was more of a terrified grimace as her throat bobbed with a swallow. “It will be rather pointless.”
“Is it something you want?”
Kailia stared back at him—at her husband—still able to see the blade and blood. Her own scream echoing in her mind at seeing him like that. She knew in that moment she wouldn’t have reacted like that for anyone else. Maybe Razik, but that was different. That wasn’t?—
“Yes,” she said in a harsh breath, willing to admit that rather than finish that thought.
With another pull of the necklace, he brought her back to him, his lips brushing over hers in a kiss so featherlight, she wondered if it could even be called a kiss. Then he released her, stretching out on his side facing her. He pulled the blankets back, patting the space in front of him.
“Lie down, back to me,” he said.
She stared at him, her body frozen at the idea but also burning at the thought of touching him.
“You’re in control,” he said again. “Trust me, Kailia. Lie down and lean against me.”
