She paused, hand dropping to her side. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I was hoping the titles would be of assistance, but many of these are in languages I do not know.”
“This is the part where you tell me what it is you’re looking for, and then I find the book for you,” he said in annoyance.
Kailia nodded, shaking her hands out as she worried her bottom lip.
“Did something happen this morning?” he finally asked. “You are different today.”
Her eyes snapped back to his. “No,” she said in a rush. “I need…”
“Spit it out, Lia.”
“I need your help,” she said, the words sounding agonized. As if asking him for help with whatever this was physically pained her.
“That is part of my job, you know,” he said flatly.
Her lips pursed. “Which is why I don’t want to tell you,” she snapped. “Because I’m just a job to you, and this is— Well, it’s something you won’t understand.”
He frowned when she turned back to the bookcase. For whatever reason, those words made him…uncomfortable. Something he was definitely not accustomed to feeling.
“I helped with Cethin, didn’t I?” he argued for some unknown reason. “Is that what this is about?”
“No,” she answered, sounding irritated. “This has nothing to do with Cethin. Not directly anyway.”
“Who are you going to ask for help then if not me? Who else do you have, Lia?”
He realized how much of an asshole thing that was to say as soon as the words left his mouth. And yeah, he was a dick in general, but he was never intentionally cruel for no reason.
She had gone utterly still, her back to him and fingertips lingering on the spine of a book. Slowly, she turned back to him, her eyes swirling violently while the rest of her body was too still. Too calm.
“I know I’m not well-versed in social cues,” she said, each word calm and deliberate, “but I do believe it is things like this that make me ‘just a job’ to you. You are the very type that makes me believe it is easier to do things on my own. Manipulating me by making me believe I have no other options? That I have no one else? I learned long ago that the one person I can ever truly depend on is myself, Razik Greybane. I have no use for you or anyone else.”
He winced, her words hitting dark places she didn’t even realize, but he absolutely fucking deserved it.
“I’d like to return to the castle,” she added.
He nodded, extending his hand and wishing this day were already over.
“Did you get them?” he asked, sliding on his tunic as Wren entered his rooms.
It was the next morning, and thank the Fates. Yesterday had been miserable. Kailia hadn’t spoken to him for the rest of the day. In fact, she’d godsdamn dismissed him. He’d held his ground on not standing outside in the hall, but she’d stayed in the bedchamber and he’d sat in the sitting room. For hours, he’d contemplated what she could need help with. He didn’t think it was the touching. She’d already confided in him about that, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal. This was clearly something very personal. He’d certainly fucked up the trust he’d been carefully building day after day.
The only good thing about yesterday had been losing himself in Wren for a few hours. Not that sex fixed everything, but it definitely fucking helped. The flying helped too. So did theserena sabreup in the mountains. The one thing that would have helped even more was a good round of sparring.
Wren flashed him a smile, setting down the paper sack on the side table. She’d offered to run this errand for him before getting ready for the day. While she’d smoothed down her hair and tied it back, it still had that just-fucked look to it, along with that satisfied glow in her blue eyes and golden skin.
“You’re lucky I actually like you. I’m one of maybe three people,” she said, crossing the room and pulling her tunic over her head as she made her way to the bathing chamber.
“I’m aware,” he muttered after her.
Her light laughter echoed before running water sounded.
“Need anything before I go?” he called out to her.
“You gave me plenty last night, Razik,” she answered, her tone teasing.
He shook his head, but a smirk tugged at his lips. Slipping on his boots, he grabbed the paper sack and made his way to the king’s floor. He’d waited long enough this morning that Cethin should be gone, and if the pair did go downstairs for breakfast, she should be back up here by now.
Nodding to the guard that was on duty on their floor, he pushed through the doors. Kailia was standing near the window, fiddling with that crystal necklace she always wore. At his entrance, she glanced at the door before turning back to the window.
