She wiggled downward. “Very.”
I notched my cock at her entrance and lowered her slowly, slowly. She enveloped me, tight and wet and hot. My eyes rolled back in my head as pleasure rippled through me. I hissed a breath, forcing my hips not to buck, to give her time to adjust.
Lilith winced.
“Do you want to stop?” I got out through a jaw so clenched I might break a tooth.
“No.” Her expression cleared. “No, it’s better now.” She pushed herself upward, and our eyes met. Hers were bluer than the sky, and I felt something lock into place.
Oh, it said. There you are.
I was looking for you.
I thrust gently, showing her a rhythm, and she learned quickly. Thank the skies she was already close to her edge, because I couldn’t hold on much longer. Not with her breath in my ear and her hands near the seams of my wings and her heart beating against mine.
Lilith stiffened suddenly, eyes wide. “Castiel! Oh, Cas—” She fell apart in my arms, and smug satisfaction bloomed. I didn’t have much time to enjoy it though, because as she sagged against me her nipples grazed my chest and her breath feathered in my ear. The base of my spine tingled, my balls tightened, and it happened.
I shot off like a falling star—I couldn’t hold myself back even if I’d wanted. I came and came, waves of pleasure cascading over me. My vision darkened. When I finally could focus on the world around me, I realized I’d knelt on the ground, clutching Lilith to my heaving chest like she was my own heart.
She was my own heart. I just hoped she’d understand someday.
Lilith
I tossed and turned in my bed that night, unable to sleep after the life altering experience with Castiel earlier.
Mate. The word reverberated in my head. The look in his eyes when he told me I was his mate wouldn’t leave my mind, no matter how hard I tried to push it away.
Down the hall, my mother snored in her sleep.
The house seemed so large now, with just two people rattling around. Father was gone. Though I barely missed him, the security and stability he provided was hard to go without. Absalom gone. Silence, too, though she’d barely arrived. Jo, who’d created a whole new life for themselves.
I had my mother, who spent most of her time missing Absalom. And…Castiel.
I could almost imagine a life with him. A cottage on the moors where I cooked, a garden he tended. Flights together at dawn, love in our bed at night. Visits to see Jo whenever I liked. Years, even centuries, spilling out before us, waiting for us to walk it together. A keepsake box of his feathers, my wedding dress, a favorite book.
No. No. I jerked my imagination back under control. It didn’t matter if I wanted it. What mattered was how likely it would be taken away.
Castiel claimed he loved me. He claimed I was his mate, the one he would bond to and partner with above all others for the rest of his life.
I didn’t think Castiel had it in himself to intentionally lie. He was too kind and open for something like that. But what if, in five years, they discovered a way home? Would he leave me behind? Would he stay and grow to resent me?
And what about this mate bond? It sounded like a miracle—someone who would always love me, no matter what? Who was my perfect other half in every way? No, I wasn’t a fool. Something that wonderful must have a dark side to it. I’d seen the dark, decaying pieces of community and family too long to pretend they didn’t exist. This mate bond—what if it tied him to me and our love died? Here, rich couples could buy a divorce from the courts. Poor people separated and pretended they were widowed. No magical bonds kept them together.
No, I couldn’t, couldn’t put myself on a path to be crushed by his resentment. I couldn’t have Castiel turn into my mother. And Jo—leaving had actually been the best thing to happen to them, even if I hated how it came about. Castiel, too, would have a better life away from here. I was happy for Jo, truly. But…what sorrow we went through first. I couldn’t keep doing that.
One hot tear escaped and pooled between my eye and the bridge of my nose. I angrily wiped it away, letting it sink into my pillow. I need to tell him to leave without me, I realized.
Gods above and beyond, it would hurt. It would be the most painful thing I’d ever done. My heart cracked thinking about it. But better I protect myself now than wait a decade and be crushed to dust. I could not escape my mother just to have a husband treat me the same way.
I would not be left again.
The next morning I yawned through the morning prayer service. The elders led them every morning, and we were required to go to several a week. I’d skipped the last few because I was either spending time with Castiel or catching up on my sewing. Hopefully no one was counting my absences.
As we sang the last blessing, Mrs. Dalton, the elder’s wife, gave me a reproachful look. Looked like she had noticed. Shouldn’t she be grateful? I hadn’t been around as much to tempt her husband or sons to lascivious thoughts.
Castiel wasn’t present, and although I missed him, I was almost relieved. My mind and heart were tumbled upside down every single time I saw him, and I doubted I would be able to hold firm to my decision to decline his mate bond. However I did that.
At the end I stayed behind, as I normally did, to put away hymnals and fetch the elders anything they needed.
