“May I see you again?” I stifled the urge to awkwardly laugh, not sure how to navigate this conversation. We used to be so close, and now we were almost strangers. I hated it. “I have so much to catch you up on.”
Jo’s lips tugged into a lopsided smile. “I insist on it. Come to the temple here and ask for me as soon as you can. I’d love to spend more time with you.” They pointed to the building behind them.
“Thank you.” I waved, feeling a little ridiculous.
“I love you,” Jo blurted, their hands clasped together.
I smiled, my heart feeling lighter than it had in over a decade. “I love you, too.”
I was silent the rest of the walk back to the neighborhood. Castiel dropped down to walk beside me for a few minutes. He asked a few questions, trying to engage me in conversation, but my mind was elsewhere.
Eventually he seemed to understand I needed quiet to sort through what had just happened. He gave my hand a squeeze and walked beside me the rest of the way home. It didn’t even occur to me until we’d reached the neighborhood how unusual that was—for both of us.
I wiped my eyes in case any tears remained. “You didn’t have to walk with me. I’m fine.”
Castiel paused, turning to look at me.
Surprise, I stopped, too, and looked up.
“Cirra,” he murmured quietly, “of course I would walk with you. If that happened to me, I’d need a friend beside me.”
I swallowed. “Th-thank you,” I got out, annoyed I was thanking him and annoyed I was annoyed.
He smirked at me, and some of our usual dynamic returned. I sighed with relief. He was worming his way into my heart far too quickly. And tonight had been too much. I could scarcely believe I’d actually seen my sister alive and well.
As if reading my thoughts, Castiel murmured, “You’re still in shock, Lily.”
I was too tired to deny it. Somewhere, deep below the surface, I knew I was angry, too. It just hadn’t boiled over yet. No, I couldn’t. It was too much to sort through tonight. I started walking down the lane again, coming up to the church on our right and my house a little farther down on the left.
The thought of going home and seeing my mother made a void open up in my stomach. I couldn’t do it. My feet weren’t going to let me. I’d never felt more distant from her in my entire life—since Absalom’s death, since finding out about Jo tonight. I couldn’t stand the idea of walking in and pretending everything was normal. But I also didn’t have the energy to confront her.
And what good would that do? I understood the reasons for everything she had done. I knew she wouldn’t apologize, either. No, I couldn’t handle any of this.
My face crumpled, and I slapped my hands over it before I burst into an ugly mess of tears and splotchy cheeks.
“Oh, cirra,” Castiel murmured, his voice as soft as the rushing of wings. “Come here.”
And I didn’t know exactly what happened next. I didn’t know if I moved or he moved. Our bodies drew together like magnets, and suddenly I was in his arms, his hands on my back and under my knees, and he lifted off the ground.
I was too tired to be frightened. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the heat of his bare skin and squeezed my eyes shut so tears wouldn’t fall. He didn’t take me far. We landed at the side door of the church, near where his rooms sat. I tried to slide down his body, embarrassed at my display, but his hands tightened, making it clear I wasn’t going anywhere.
It felt good, in a way, not being given a choice in the matter. It was messed up, sure, that I didn’t know how to reach out for closeness. Or I needed a seraph to keep me in his arms. But that was a problem for another day.
He somehow managed to open the door and slip inside without being seen. Now it was dark, everyone was in their homes, and he quietly took me to his room. Castiel’s breathing wasn’t even labored after the vertical lift with a grown woman in his arms, and he didn’t let me go until he placed me at the edge of his bed.
My face burned with embarrassment. His bed? But he didn’t seem to notice. Maybe it was just me. Maybe because of how I’d been raised I saw everything as potential for licentiousness.
Castiel somehow crouched at the edge of the bed, looking up at me with concern in those amber eyes. I didn’t even know how he managed to bend his wings without pain. “Lilith.” His hands reached up and clasped mine, clamped together in my lap. His thumb brushed over the back of my hand. “What can I do?”
“I’m fine,” I sniffled.
The look on his face made clear he didn’t believe that lie.
So I tried again. “I can’t talk about it right now.” The joy of seeing Jo, the shock of learning they had been living in the same city for years, alive and well, the anger that festered deep down at all the lies…it was too much. I let my gaze run over him, gratitude welling in my chest. I couldn’t have borne anyone else seeing such a vulnerable moment. Had I truly known him for a week? Somehow trust had grown between us in such a short time. When had I gone from wanting to snipe at him to wanting him to kiss me?
Bright red burns marked his chest, marring his perfect golden brown skin.
I gasped and reached out, my fingers hovering a hair’s breadth from his skin. “What is this?”
