I feel it in him as well—an answering vibration of spirit, asense of leaping light. And I know, Iknowhe wants this. He wants it as much as I do, and the triumph of that knowledge makes my lips twist in a smile beneath his.
Then his fingers tighten around my upper arm. He’s already shaking his head when he draws back, and when his lips withdraw from mine, a verbal “No, no,no” tumbles from his mouth, a sharp contrast to everything I believed I’d felt in him. I blink hard, staring up into his eyes, startled, unsure. His gaze holds mine hard for a few breaths, all the sorrow that was there moments ago swept away in a blaze of heat so intense, I feel it radiating off my soul. It thrills me with something akin to fear, but when I reach for him again, he jerks back.
“No!” he declares, louder this time, pushing me away from him so hard that it hurts. He disentangles his legs and arms, gets to his feet, and staggers back like I’m some cursed thing. “I’m not doing this. I won’t.”
“Valtar?” I gape up at him, my lips still parted with the kiss we shared. Feeling strangely vulnerable on the ground, I pull myself upright. My head whirls, my body still aching with the pain of the fire which nearly erupted inside me, but I put out a hand, steadying myself against the wall. “What’s wrong?” I demand, scarcely able to form the words. “Valtar, please.”
He turns away from me, his head heavy, his shoulders bowed.
I try to take a step toward him, but my body simply won’t move. “Tell me. Am I mistaken? Have I…have I misunderstood what’s happening between us?” I lick my lips, tasting the salt of his kiss with my parched tongue. “Do you not feel what I feel?”
He growls like an animal, shaking his head so that black curls fall across his forehead. Then his eyes flash to meet mine. “Yes,” he snarls, teeth bared. “You are mistaken. There is nothing here, nothing between us. There never can be.”
His words hit like a slap across the face. Oh gods. Oh gods above and below, how could I have been so stupid? A gross, squirming sensation replaces all the pleasant hum in my veins, sickening my gut. Stupid, stupid…and such nonsense! Absolute, utter nonsense, for how does any of this matter in light of all the other hideous things happening, both here and out there in the real world? Why should I even spare two thoughts for something so trivial, so foolish, so idiotic as my feelings for a dark-eyed stranger?
And yet I can’t seem to help it. I feel as though all the vitality has simply drained from my limbs. He doesn’t…he doesn’t feel for me what I do for him. And of course, why should he? We’ve known each other a mere handful of days, and under such extreme circumstances. Really it’s the circumstances alone which have made me think and feel things I wouldn’t otherwise have tolerated, not even for a moment.
“Oh,” I manage, my voice a limping little thing. “Oh, of course. Of course, you’re quite right. And it’s for the best, really, and I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have said anything. Please, just forget it. Forget it all.” I turn away from him, wrapping my arms around myself. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. It’s…it’s been a trying day, you know, and then the fire…No.” I close my eyes, draw a deep breath, hating the way a sob quivers on my lips, betraying me. “I’m very sorry. Truly sorry, Valtar.” I cannot bear to face him, so I lift my chin, staring down the dark passage before me. “There. It’s over now. Let’s forget it ever happened, shall we?” I breathe out again, forcing back telltale tears. “I’m tired. I…I think it’s time I returned to my rooms. Philippa, you know…”
I take a step, determined to leave him. Determined to leave this whole miserable moment behind and spend the rest of myexistence doing all I can to blot it from memory. I take one step—but not a second.
Before my foot can touch the ground, a hand closes down hard around my elbow. I have just enough time to gasp before I’m pivoted roughly on heel and find myself staring up into two void eyes set in a face of absolute darkness and shadow.
“Gods damn me to hell,” Valtar snarls.
And then he kisses me.
This is no gentle brush of lips, no moment of light dancing and sweet sensation. He kisses me like a man starved. Like he’s been holding back, standing before a feast of bounty while, little by little, his iron will is chipped away, and nothing remains to hold back the ravenous beast of his hunger. It’s positively vicious—a kiss with teeth that sends a jolt of terror straight to my gut, where it bursts in tongues of fire.
If I thought I knew what it was to be kissed before, any such ideas vanish in an instant. This is something altogether different, something which liquifies my spine and melts me into him. My nostrils fill with the scent of burnt cedar, and my tongue burns with a combination of salt and sweat. Were it not for his arms around me, for his hands crushing the small of my back and wrapped around my rib cage, I would simply crumble to dust under the force of such an embrace.
When for a moment, for a breath, his lips pull away from mine, I whisper, “You feel nothing for me, do you?” A small, almost frightened laugh hums in my throat. “You’re such a damned liar, Valtar Skylock.”
He growls. “You have no rutting idea.”
Then his fingers thread through my hair, tangling in my braid. With a vicious twist, he pulls it loose. Soft curls fall around my shoulders and face, and he buries both hands in them,groaning as though this is something he has been longing to do, as though he’s only just managed to restrain himself all this time.
Gripping the back of my head, he angles my face and kisses me again, deeper than before. I open my mouth to him, and his tongue slides between my teeth, a violent dance, an eager rhythm. My knees go weak; I grab fistfuls of his shirt just to keep myself upright. He tastes of spiced wine and fire, an intoxicating mix.
Hunger yawns in my gut—hunger for all that is forbidden and dangerous and new. I catch his lips between my teeth, scraping just hard enough that he growls in response. The fingers at the back of my head tighten. Yanking my head back, he kisses me harder, his mouth moving relentlessly against mine, until I feel I will burst with the new responsiveness singing through my body. He kisses me and kisses me, his mouth trailing down my jaw, my neck, along the puckered skin of my spreading scar. And though I’ve had almost no feeling in that part of my body for years, sensation suddenly bursts to life with exquisite reaction.
Moaning, I arch into him, desperate for the friction of his body against mine. His hands slide from my hair, down my shoulders to my rib cage, and I want more, more. More of his touch on more of my body. I whimper, trying to find words to articulate my need, but cannot seem to catch my breath.
Suddenly, those enormous hands of his grip my thighs, hiking me up in a single, fluid motion. I gasp, catching hold of his shoulders, my head whirling with vertigo. The stones of the cavern wall dig into my shoulders, but I don’t care. I wrap my legs around his waist and thread my fingers through his silky black hair, even as his mouth explores hungrily along my collarbone. The shoulder of my gown pulls askew, and I coax it to slide farther down, exposing my shoulder and the upper curve of my breast. He answers the invitation, lipping, tasting, nipping alongmy slopes and valleys, his hunger insatiable. He reaches my throbbing heart and lingers there, as though savoring that frantic beat through his sensitive lips.
Finally, his mouth finds its way back to mine. I sink into his kiss, ready to drown in the molten lava exploding through my senses. I had no idea my body could feel this way, no idea I was capable of experiencing such heat—nothing like the devouring heat of hellfire. No, this is deeper, hotter, a flame of creation and renewal, pulsing through my veins until it finds a roiling core at the crest between my legs.
A sound like growling thunder bursts in my head, echoes in my chest. Some part of me, trying to warn against danger, but I love it. I love the danger, love the risk, and even the edge of fear which this man inspires in my soul. For I know, with a deep and vital conviction beyond any ability to articulate it, that I am safe with him. That whatever danger he represents to the world at large, I am safe here, in his arms, in the center of his passion. He may engulf me in flame, and I will burn but never hurt. Not in this glorious inferno.
I want him. I want more of him. And I want to give him more of me. Is it madness? Maybe. I’ve known him such a short while and under such bitter circumstances. I don’t care. After everything we’ve endured these last few lunatic days, are we not owed a little lunacy of our own?
I slip one hand down into the tiny slice of space between us, finding the front laces of his tunic. He breathes hard, his mouth against my ear, his nose buried in my hair. My fingers fumble to yank those laces free until I can rip his black shirt open, exposing the muscles of his massive, muscular chest. But when I trail my greedy fingers across those ridges, they stroke the puckered skin of the scar emblazoned there.
Burning pain erupts under my fingertips. Startled, I withdraw my hand, my already ragged breath caught in my throat.
Valtar yanks back from me, still holding me by the thighs, still pressing me against the wall. I stare into his eyes and see the fire burning in their depths, as hot as ever. And I want it, I want that fire. All of it. I want him to consume me in the furnace of his desire and damn all the consequences. But his features have gone rigid. I put my hand to his cheek, trying to draw his mouth back to mine.
He turns away sharply. “You must go.”
