Meg’s stare hardens. “You were a child. There is no reason foryouto regret anything.” She shakes her head and then takes out a ball of yarn in the same color. “I’ll show you how to get started. We call it casting on.”
She shows me how to make a knot and fix the yarn to the needles, and then she walks me through a basic stitch. She shows me how to do it first, and explains each step. I don’t quite get it at first, and it takes me a few tries to feel like I’m moving my hands the right way. By the time I knit a row of stitches myself, I’ve told her most of my story.
I tell her a bit about my life in my parents’ house, and how controlling they were. I tell her about Carly and how she helped me plan out my escape. I show her a photo of what I used to look like. I explain that Candice has been my best friend for years, which is why I ended up in Star Mountain.
“And that brings me to Jonah,” I say. “I needed money to fight whatever my parents threw at me and to live my life. Jonah told me about your medical debt and I thought he might say yes to a marriage of convenience. After he agreed, we decided we needed to make it look real for the time being, at least until my parents can’t use that as ammunition against us. Honestly, I worry I might have taken advantage of how kind he is.”
“Jonah is stubborn, and he doesn’t do anything that he doesn’t want to do. If he agreed to this, he did so because heactually wanted to.” Meg gives me a forced smile, and I can tell that she’s still not happy with the situation.
“I think he just wanted to do the right thing for you,” I offer.
She doesn’t respond for a moment, and takes the knitting from me. “Not bad for a beginner,” she muses. “It’s not easy, as a parent, to need your child’s help. I’m supposed to care for Jonah, not the other way around. I didn’t like that he was shouldering the burden of my medical debt, but he did. Jack is retired and I stopped working while I was sick, so it wasn’t easy for us to cover on our own. I hate that he felt he needed to marry someone to help me.”
Jonah must get his pride in himself and his self-reliance from his mom.
“That makes sense,” I say slowly. “But I think Jonah just wanted to help you, and to help me too. He was able to do both of those things by marrying me, so I think in his mind, that made it a good decision. He’s very good at helping other people, and not very good at receiving help in return.”
“It sounds like you know him fairly well.” Meg sets the knitting down and walks over to the fireplace. She throws another log onto the fire, and gives it a good poke.
“I guess so. We do live together.”
“It seems like more than just that.” Meg raises a brow at me, and I can’t help but smile.
“We’re still figuring things out,” I say. “But there is more between us than we expected there to be. You know, Jonah didn’t even really like me at first and was pretty rude to me the first time we met.”
Meg snorts. “Sounds like my son.”
“Are you upset?” I venture. “About us getting married and me giving Jonah money?”
“I won’t pretend that your money hasn’t been a blessing, but I am upset that you two lied about it. Though most of that isbetween me and my son. He knows better than to lie to me and Jack like that. We raised him better.”
“You raised him perfectly,” I say fiercely. “I hope you don’t hold this against Jonah because honestly, it was my idea, and he can’t be blamed for following along with my schemes.”
Meg nods along and gives me a tight smile. I can tell that she’s still pissed off at Jonah, and I’ll have to warn him about it when I get home. She’s not done with me yet though, and she asks me an excruciating question next.
“When are you two planning on getting divorced?”
“Um. Not sure?”
Well that was the answer of the century, Winnie,I think to myself. Meg is equally unimpressed and her knitting needles clack away as she waits for me to say more.
“We won’t get divorced until my parents are taken care of.” And now I sound like a mob boss. It’s not like I’m going to take a hit out on them, though the thought does sound a bit appealing.
“Well, don’t do anything rash.”
“Like getting married to a man you’ve known for a few weeks and moving in with him immediately?”
“I was thinking you shouldn’t divorce him too quickly, either,” Meg offers.
I just nod, because I know that if I open my mouth, all of my messy emotions will pour out of it. Meg teaches me a bit more about moving the needles correctly, and I practice knitting a few more rows. The entire time, though, I’m thinking about Meg’s final question, and how badly I want the answer to be never.
When I get homefrom Jonah’s parents’ house, I find him practicing music in the living room with members of the bandthat plays at the Neon Horseshoe. I slip into the kitchen and watch, hoping none of them mind. They barely all fit into our tiny house, and Jonah pushed the couch back to make space. The Christmas tree is lighting the living room up in a warm glow, and it almost feels like a jazz club at the holidays, stuffed with people, good music, and cheer.
A woman with long, straight dark hair and light brown skin is playing the keyboard, her fingers a blur over the keys. The bassist is a tall, muscular man with pale skin and long brown hair, and the drummer is so small I can barely make them out behind the symbols. There’s also a guitarist, and of course, Jonah.
He’s singing a song about the way the mountains look rising from the fields at dawn, called “Morning Lonesome.” His voice captivates me, like it always does, and I barely even see the rest of the band. They sound great, but he’s what makes it all work—his confidence, his talent, his strength.
He sings the final words of the song and strums the final chord, and the other band members finish perfectly in time. I clap and then let out a whistle. Jonah’s eyes fly to me and he smiles.
