“A bit tense?” I ask.
“I’ve been stressed out,” Jonah admits. “I thought getting rid of the medical debt would ease my anxiety, but now I’m just worried about my mom’s test results.”
My stomach sinks. “We’ll hear soon though, right?”
“Tomorrow. I hope.” His voice fractures around the word hope and I lean in and rest my head on his back, and wrap my arms around his front.
There’s nothing I can really say. I can’t say it will be okay because I have no idea if it will be or not, and I already know that Jonah isn’t a man who likes lies—even the ones we tell ourselves to make it feel better.
“Waiting is the worst part. I won’t truly be able to relax until we hear the results. Although this—you—has helped.” He turns around and a small smile is on his face. It makes me feel like I’ve won a million bucks. No, more than that. Something invaluable.
Note to self: take care of Jonah. Every damn day.
33
JONAH
On Monday,I wake up earlier than Winnie, and creep out of bed, trying to be as quiet as possible. She seemed tired when we went to sleep last night, and she tossed and turned during the night. I’m not entirely sure what is bothering her, but I imagine it’s something to do with her parents. It always is.
In the kitchen, I immediately flip on the coffee maker and wait for it to get going. After a few seconds, I stick my mug directly under the stream and wait for it to fill up.
“Hey,” Winnie says, padding into the kitchen in a pink robe. Even with sleep in her eyes and her hair a bit mussed, she still looks beautiful.
“I made extra.” I jerk my chin at the coffee machine. “Seemed like you might need it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that you didn’t sleep well last night. Was something on your mind?”
“How do you know that?” Her voice is sharper than usual, reminding me that Winnie doesn’t enjoy admitting that something is wrong.
“I slept next to you, and heard you toss and turn for a while before you fell asleep.”
Her cheeks turn pink. “I’m sorry if I kept you up, I must not be used to sleeping with someone else in bed with me. I haven’t done it since college.”
“Are you sure it’s not something else?” I refrain from asking her if it’s something about us that’s keeping her awake. There’s no need to complicate things this early in the morning.
“I had a bad dream about my parents,” she admits after a beat.
I pull her towards me for a hug, and she seems to relax a bit in my arms. “You’re safe,” I whisper into her neck.
We sit in companionable silence for a while, drinking our coffee and reading. Winnie is nose deep in the biography of Judy Garland I gave her, and I pick up one on the history of Motown. I’m about to start making breakfast when my phone dings with a text.
It’s my mom.
“Win,” I say. “Everything’s fine. She’s alright.”
“Your mom?” Winnie snaps her book shut and jumps from her seat. She clasps my hands in hers and looks up at me.
“Yeah, look.” I show her the phone.
Mom: My results came back and I’m cancer free. Your father and I are going out tonight to celebrate, but we’d love to have Winnie and you over soon. Could you send me her number, by the way?
“Jonah! That’s incredible!” Winnie flings her arms around me and I pick her up, spinning us around the kitchen.
“Yeah, it really is.” I set her down, and then I feel my shoulders start to shake. Silent sobs wrack my body, and I grip one edge of the kitchen counter. “Sorry,” I manage to say. “I’m happy—it’s just…” I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling.Relieved, and happy, but it’s so much more than that. I feel like I was seconds away from death and managed to escape only by the skin of my teeth.
“You don’t have to apologize and you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. Cry as much as you need to. Say whatever you want. I’ll be here for it all.” Winnie cups my cheek in her hand and brushes away a tear with her thumb.
