“Let’s go.”
It didn’t take much convincing on Nick’s part for them to let one of us stay with Jace till he was released a few days later.They were glad to get rid of us, and we were more than overjoyed to leave.Jace’s homecoming was actually mine, too.Even though I was released days before him, I only came home to shower and change my clothes.I was exhausted when we came home.I was grateful Nick was home to help me adjust to our new life with a newborn baby.We didn’t have visitors for the first two weeks.We needed the time to bond as a family.I didn’t want to share Jace.I missed his birth and a lot of time being with him when he was born.I just wanted it…this time to beus.
Every day I fall in love with him more and more.God help the little girls out there; he has his father’s eyes and me wrapped around his little finger.I’m enamored by everything about him, and so is Nick.He’s more interesting than any television show.Late in the night, Nick will get up, feed him, and end up playing with him.He calls it Daddy-and-me time.
My family has tried to contact me through Chris, but the only two people I’ve talked to are Chris and Vanessa.I’m still recovering mentally, and not ready to deal with my family.
Chris gave me a letter Kate wrote to me.It took me a while to work up the nerve to open it.Nick wanted me to throw it in the trash.He wasn’t happy with Chris for giving it to me.When I decided to open it, it wasn’t a long letter—less than half a page.
Cat,
You will never know how deeply sorry I am for everything.I never meant to put your life or Jace’s life at risk.I saw a picture of him, he’s a cute baby, and hopefully one day soon I can get to meet him.I understand if you don’t want that.
I’m getting help for my issues, seeing a therapist twice a week.I’m learning to take responsibility for the things I’ve done.The things in my life that I’m unhappy with, not you or anyone else caused them.My hope is one day we can be the way we used to be—no, better than that.Not only sisters but friends.I will be truly and forever sorry for the things I did and said to you.
Mom hasn’t been the same since you were in the hospital.The day of your accident, she really wanted to start over and be a part of your life and her grandson’s.She didn’t have anything to do with the terrible, unforgivable things I caused.I know, out of anyone, I don’t have the right to ask anything of you, but could you please consider letting her reach out to you in any way you see fit?
Your sister, and hopefully one day, friend.
Kate
After reading her letter, I cried for ten minutes straight.I was an emotional mess.I didn’t expect it to affect me in this way.But I had no time to dwell on it, because Jace started wailing for his bottle.
I’ve been considering her request for weeks, and nothing has come to me yet.It’s October, Nick has gone back to the office part-time, and the rest of the time he works from home, helping me with Jace.He’s a hands-on Dad.We are together and happily committed to each other.Even on my worst days, the days I break down for no reason at all, I’m thankful to be able to share this life with my men, the two people that mean more to me than anything else in this world.
We have fought a long, hard road to get to where we are.I’m not saying it’s perfect—it’s not; but it’s our perfect.Like when we came home from the hospital, he drove me crazy.He’s never taken time off from work, and I thought it was going to be great, my new baby, my loving man home with me all day.What could be better?I wanted to push him out the door after the first two weeks.I’m telling you, Jace even rolled his eyes at him.But I’m grateful to him for not once giving up on me.He took care of me—of us—like he’s always done—with single-minded determination.He watched over us and protected us.He’s the love of my life.
Cat
October
One day after putting Jacedown for his afternoon nap, the bell rings as I’m getting ready to make lunch.I’m taken aback when I hear my dad’s voice.I buzz him up and meet him at the door.
“Hi, Dad.”
“I wasn’t sure you would see me.I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.”He smiles at me, uncertain, standing in the doorway.
I move back and smile.“Come in.”
He steps in and looks around, turning to me.“Is Nick here?”
“No, he went to work, he’ll be home later.What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced.I know you’re probably busy being a new mom.I just wanted to see you.”He looks around, clearly ill at ease.“How are you doing?”
“Good.How are you?”
“I’m not doing badly myself.How’s Jace?”
“He’s doing great.Healthy appetite, sleeping through some nights.”I smile and fold my arms around my waist.He’s never seen Jace, but he says his name like he has, with familiarity.
“You don’t look like you just had a baby, you look good.”
“Thanks.A month of uninterrupted sleep and a steady diet of liquid sustenance.I can’t take too much credit for that, it wasn’t voluntary.”He makes a face and looks away from me.“Sorry, bad joke.I wanted to lighten the mood.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.I do.I’m sorry I didn’t step up and be a better father to you when you needed me to be.I was unfair and stubborn.I should have given you a chance and listened to you before making up my mind.The situation now is different from what it was back then.I was wrong for treating you the way I did.You’re my daughter, and I love you.I could have lost you.You were in the hospital, and I couldn’t even blame Nick for keeping you away from us.He loves you a lot, I understand that.Give me another chance, and I promise I will be a better father than this past year.”
“Dad…” I’m choked up by his words.“I can’t remember when you haven’t been a good father to me.We’re not perfect, we’re all allowed to make mistakes.As long as we recognize them and try to do better it’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.”
