“I don’t know about that.He saw me last night, he was watching me a good deal of the time, I was bumping and grinding on my date then he and the old skank left.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing every time she talks about one of Chris’s girls.Must be pregnancy hormones.
“Why doesn’t he leave the cougars alone and try a cub?He might like getting nipped instead of having a bite taken out of his ass.”
Still laughing, I say, “You act like the women he’s dating are old gray heads.”In actuality, they are all as gorgeous as her.Ava can be intimidating to a man.Her black hair, blue eyes, va va va voom curves—plus she has brains, money, and a mouth on her.If you don’t know how to handle her…she could run you down.I think Chris can handle her, though.
Cat
August
“Look at you!”Vanessa says, sitting next to me on the couch.
“Yeah, look at me, round and unattractive.”
“You are not,” she admonishes with a smile.“Trust me, you look like a swimsuit model compared to me in my seventh month.”
“I’m sure that’s not true, but thank you.”
I look down at Sasha playing on the floor.I missed her.I was bored to death in this house until Vanessa called and asked what I was doing.She wanted me to go see her, but I was tired from my daily walk.My doctor told me to cut back on the long walks because my hands and feet have been swelling a lot.Besides, Nick forbade me from going out the rest of the day.The only thing he wants me to do is sit back and relax.Boring.
“How have you been feeling?”Vanessa asks, handing Sasha a toy that looks like a tablet.
“Fine, I just can’t do a lot of things I used to do.I’m as slow as a turtle.I can’t even sleep, I’m moving around every minute to get comfortable.”
“You should get a body pillow.It worked great for me when I was pregnant with Sasha.”
“It doesn’t work so great for me.Nick is my body pillow.”
“Aren’t you a lucky girl,” she says teasingly.
I smile, looking down at my hands.“I’m not going to deny it, yes.”
“Very lucky indeed, by the smile on your face.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t complain, but I can’t have him up all the time in a sitting position lying on him.”
“Why not?You’re the one carrying the baby around twenty-four hours a day for nine months.Hormones all out of whack.Your brother better be as considerate when we get pregnant again.”
“Wait a minute, are you two back together?”
“Yes!And we’re thinking about having another baby.”
“I’m happy for you.”I truly am, Even though I haven’t spoken to him since that day at the hospital.The day they came here he didn’t say anything to me besides basically suggest that I wasn’t safe.“I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but are you sure you’re ready after what happened with Sasha?”
“We’ve talked about this a lot; this time I’m ready and prepared if I have postpartum depression again.Last time I just didn’t understand, and I didn’t think it could happen to me.I thought I would have Sasha and fall instantly in love with her when I saw her for the first time.It didn’t happen like that, and I thought something was wrong but I didn’t want to admit it.What kind of woman doesn’t feel connected to her own baby?I was afraid of what people were going to say if I said that out loud.I was afraid I was going to hurt her if I couldn’t feel anything for her.”
I reach across the couch and take her hand.I couldn’t imagine feeling like that about my baby.I don’t know what I would do.“It must have been hard for you.”
“It was hard.I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone who would understand.I didn’t get help earlier, because I was ashamed and I didn’t want to be labeled as a bad mother—it made things worse.”She takes a breath and pauses.“Through it all, your brother was there, even when I was a major bitch to him for no apparent reason at all other than he was able to give Sasha what I couldn’t.I was like, why can he do these things for her and feel these things I can’t?I was angry, scared, and upset.I was falling apart.He took care of Sasha when I couldn’t; he became her mother and father.”
I have to agree that he did step up during that time.Sounds like Jay.“That’s the Jay I know, and then there’s the other side.”
“The one that’s acting like a jackass,” Vanessa says in a whisper, so Sasha doesn’t hear.I nod my head and she nods back.
“Your brother loves you, Cat.”
“I didn’t hear any of that love the last time I heard from him.I heard a lot of things, but love wasn’t one.The message he left on my phone had no love.”
