“I didn’t understand then.I’m glad we’re happening now.It was worth the wait.”
It was.“We almost missed our chance.I don’t want to miss it again.”
“There’s not going to be an again.I’m yours for as long as you want.”
This second I know what I want.I have no doubts.My lips brush her ear, what I’m going to say is unexpected.
“I want you forever.Marry me.”Not moving, I patiently wait for her answer.I’m not sure what she’s going to say, but I want it to be yes.She turns in my arms, and I hold my breath, waiting, as tears well up in her brown eyes.
“Nick, I love you.”
Her words are as unexpected as my proposal.My heart soars, gushing with overwhelming love for this woman.There will never be a day I will not fight for our love.“I will forever love and cherish you.Marry me.”
“I’ve always loved you.It’s taken me a while to say it…but being here with you, like this, with our unborn child, surrounded by all this and your love, you’ve made me happy.”
“Say you’ll marry me.”My heart reaches out to her, uncertain, even after her declaration of love.
“No,” she says, shaking her head slowly and looking in my eyes.“I love you, I want to say yes.My heart says yes.”The tears run down over her skin, shining in the moonlight like sparkling shards of diamonds as she shakes her head again.“Not yet.I can’t.Don’t be mad.”Her eyes plead with me, voice slightly trembling.
“I’m not.I’m disappointed.”I brush away a tear from her cheek.“You don’t have to cry.”
“Yes, I do.This is what I’ve always wanted.I’m a fool, I can’t say yes because of my family.It’s right, but it’s not the right time.Do you understand what I mean?When most little girls think of their wedding day, they see their family, their father walking them down the aisle in a white dress, giving them away to the man they intend to spend the rest of their lives with.I’m not saying no, I’m saying not now.Please, tell me you understand?”
A tentative smile lifts my lips.Thousands of miles away…when will her family not be a factor in the decisions in our lives?I brush her hair behind her ears and gather my thoughts.
“On our wedding day, whether there’re one thousand people or one person, I want you to be happy without a doubt.I’ll wait for you.You’re going to marry me.When you’re ready, you’ll say yes.”
I help her wipe away her tears.Holding her in my arms, we quietly look out at the sea, rocking like a lullaby, somber in our own thoughts.
Cat
July
When we return from ourmini-vacation, I don’t tell Ava Nick proposed.I didn’t want her to say I was crazy and foolish for not saying yes.I also think I’m foolish and crazy for not saying yes to a man in love with me, the father of my unborn child, because of my family, who would rather see me pregnant alone and miserable.I know how it sounds.
I thought I would be relaxed and happy when school was out and I didn’t have to rush out for work every morning.I wouldn’t be so tired.Boy was I wrong.
The further I get into my pregnancy, the more tired I am.I can’t sleep at night because I can’t lie in one position for too long.I spend my days walking the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn, sweaty and hot from the heat rising off the concrete.I constantly have to stop inside stores to get relief from the comfort of the AC and to rest.Then I’m so guilty I feel like I have to buy something, usually food.
I’ve gained so much weight in the last month I feel like a puffed pastry.The delicious kind, drizzled with cream cheese frosting, apple strudel filling oozing out with each yummy bite.Nick says he likes the weight gain and so does my doctor, I’m already up twenty-five pounds.It’s going to be a bitch to lose this weight after the baby’s born.Pregnancy is not easy, but the sex is still good, albeit a little awkward with my belly in the way.As long as Nick doesn’t complain, it’s all good.He touches me all the time, especially my growing stomach, and talks to the baby.I don’t mind, it lets me feel attractive when I’m feeling anything but, which is more often these days.
Nick and I haven’t talked about the proposal since we came back.It’s hanging there in the air, not being addressed, and making me feel guilty.He’s been working a lot.Spending a lot of late nights at the office.He says he’s going to take two weeks off when the baby’s born to spend time with us.He’s going to work from home, only going in when he has to, that’s why he’s working so hard.With Nick being at work so much, it leaves more girl time for Ava and me.Gage even pops in once in a while to make me blush at the wildly inappropriate things he says to me.
My family hasn’t come around or called me, except for Vanessa, and Chris stops by once a week to see how I’m doing.He’s been there twice when Ava was over, and I caught him covertly checking her out a few times.I haven’t said anything to Ava.She’s been doing well with being low key and not coming on too strong.She’s learning how to get his attention and I think he’s taking notice of her sudden change in demeanor toward him.She still puts it out there that she likes him, but it’s subtle.
Ava’s throwing me a baby shower I don’t want before my due date.Chloe and Ava were going to throw it together but they couldn’t agree on who was in charge.I wasn’t getting into it, because I told them I didn’t want it anyway, and I do not want more than ten to fifteen people there.Bad enough there are whispers about me being with Nick when Kate was pregnant and engaged to him.Unconfirmed, of course.I don’t want to be put on display.I know someone is going to be bold enough to ask if the rumors are true.There’s always one Miriam in the pack.
The last time Chris and Ava were over at the same time, she was talking about the shower and making all sorts of lists.She’s going way out of her way.I told her I want a simple shower but she can’t help herself, she has to do it up big with fifteen people.Spending too much money on too much food and too much decorating.She brought up the guest list and asked me if I wanted her to invite my mother.I didn’t say anything, and neither did Nick.Chris looked at Nick and Nick said, “What?I didn’t say anything!”Chris said what I was thinking.“I know you not saying anything is saying a lot.”
The charity banquet Nick’s firm is throwing for Feed the Hungry is days away.I already have my dress picked out; I just hope it still fits me by then.I like being pregnant, but I can’t wait to get my body back to feel like myself again.I spent the day with Isabelle and her son today.That little boy has more energy than half of my kindergarten class did.We made lunch at her house, and she was excited about the baby and talking up a storm about our kids being playmates and wouldn’t it be exciting if I had a girl and they got married.I told her to slow down and let me have the baby first before she sends out save the date postcards.On my way out, Ava called to tell me she sent the shower invitations out and she sent one to my mother.I didn’t know how to feel about that.So I decided to surprise Nick at his office to tell him.Karen looks up from her desk and smiles when she sees all of me.
“Hi, Karen.”I talk to Karen at least once a month since I’ve been pregnant.I let her know when my prenatal visits are so she can put them on Nick’s schedule, and we end up talking.She’s nice.
“Catherine, hi.”She stops writing and puts her pen down.
“Karen, I told you to call me Cat.I’m going to have to make a complaint to your boss.”
“You do and I’m going to deny it, Cat.”
