“Don’t worry, this will be good for all of us.”Please, Lord, let it be true.
Forty-five minutes after my family arrives, we exchange awkward hellos but no hugs.I’m sitting in the bathroom of our bedroom, holding toilet tissue over my eyes, willing myself to stop crying before Nick comes home.Too fucking late.The doorknob turns and I throw the tissue on the floor, my heart racing.I pop up off the toilet seat like an overdone pop tart with my head down.
“Hey, babe, I was on my way out.”I try to walk past him as I talk.He blocks the door with his body and holds my chin up.I keep my eyes down afraid to look at him.
“What’s going on?”His voice is firm and steady like his hand on my face.
I don’t look up.I answer and try to move my face out of his hand.“Nothing’s wrong.Something was in my eye and I splashed some water on my face to get it out.”
“Do I look like a fool, Cat?”
He’s going to hit the roof if I tell him.I couldn’t believe it myself when she said it.
“You were crying.Did they do something to you?”The crease lines form in his forehead, and he lowers his eyes to mine.“Was it Jay?”
“He hasn’t said anything since he’s been here.My mother and I were talking and I got a little emotional, that’s all.You know my emotions are up and down.”
“Are you going to tell me what she said or am I going to go out there and ask her what the hell she said to you to have you in this bathroom crying?”
I bite my lip and stall as long as I can.I’m going to have to tell him.I don’t want to.If I could only find a way to keep him in this bathroom—away from my family.
“You don’t want to tell me.I’m not asking—she’s going to tell me what she said, Jay and I are going to rip each other apart.Start talking before I go back out there.”
“Promise me—” I pause with my eyes welling up with tears and look in his eyes hoping my unshed tears have some effect on him, “—you won’t go out there and get into a fight with Jay or my mother.”
He straightens up to his full height and looks down at me.My tears are not having the effect I want, they’re making him angry.
“I’m not promising anything.Tell me.”
I hold on to his shirtsleeves and put my head on his chest and practically beg.“Please, please.Don’t go out there and go off the rails.I can’t deal with it.”
He takes a deep calming breath, and my head rises and falls on his chest.His hand strokes over my back.“I won’t go off the rails depending on what you tell me.”
“My mother asked me if we could talk.We went into your office and she asked me how I was doing.I told her I was fine.She said it was nice to see me and she missed me.I said I missed her too.I did.We talked about my job and how I liked it.We were having a decent conversation.Then somehow the conversation led to Kate.”I stop and wait for him to say something, stretching out the time.The longer it takes me to tell him the better.
“And?”
His hands on my back, I keep my head firmly planted on his chest.“She said she didn’t tell Kate I was pregnant yet.She was waiting for the right time, but wasn’t sure when would be the right time to tell her that her sister’s having a baby with her ex-fiancé.”
“Why is this your problem?Didn’t she come here to work things out with you?”
That’s what I thought.“She asked me if it was the right time for me to have a baby, with everything going on with the family.Maybe I could consider other permanent alternatives if it would be what’s best for the family and Kate’s fragile state.Maybe Kate could get over us being together but the other thing she isn’t certain of.I have time to haveother children…preferably with someone else.She wanted me to-to…have an abor—” I can’t bring myself to say it.I love this baby.This pregnancy was a complete shock, but not once—ever—did the thought cross my mind to terminate.That my mother would suggest it…it hurts.
She should have come out and said she wanted me to have an abortion.She didn’t have to go through the whole conversation like she cared.
Nick’s hands slide away from me, and I realize my head isn’t moving up and down on his chest and his body has gone rigid.I hear him say low and harsh, “She’s a bitch.”
I step back, glancing up to gage his reaction.Seeing his anger, I start to panic at what he’s going to do out there.I have to calm him down before he goes and does something that he wouldn’t regret, but I would.I place my hands on my belly and say the first thing that comes to my mind, which is the truth.“She didn’t know how far along I am.”That was the wrong thing to say.
“That makes it okay?”
He turns, slamming the door shut with his fist, making me cringe, shutting my eyes tight.The tears I’ve been holding back fall when the door slams shut and my eyes close.
“No!”I say as calmly as possible, considering my significant other is making me uneasy, punching doors shut.
“Then we’re on the same page,” he says, turning around, his chest heaving, betraying the calm in his voice.
“Calm down, I don’t want this to escalate.”
