7
LUCY
I'm dipping the fifth test in my stream of pee. This is not easy, peeing on multiple sticks in one go.
"You done yet?" Xander shouts.
"No!" I scold. "Leave me alone. I'd like to see you pee on multiple sticks."
Xander laughs. "I write my name in the sand with my pee, Luce. That's nothing."
"With a vagina!" I add.
"Well, that changes all the rules of the game," he pouts.
Finally. I'm done. Six pregnancy tests. I set the last one on the paper-covered counter and wait. I'm positive Nana was right and I'm not pregnant. It's probably stress from all the Joey bullshit that's going on. This isn't the first time I've wished I didn't have a brother, but it's the first time I mean it.
"Timer's on," I tell Xan and Jesse as I walk out of the bathroom. I take seat next to Tera and Josie. She's so adorable with her dark curly hair. That hair is true Xander. Most of her is Tera, though. The eyes, nose, and lips. She's a beauty. "May I?" I ask, reaching for Josie.
"Of course," Tera replies.
I cuddle Josie to my chest and inhale that clean baby scent. I know Tera bathed her after her nap.
I wish I could have had more than one pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than life, but it would have been nice to have them one at a time, enjoying each one for a longer period of time. It felt rushed and all I can do is hope and pray I did it right.
I'd love to have one more baby, but I know it's too big of a risk—not just for me, but for Jesse. He needs me as much as I need him. Without him, there is no life for me. I would always take care of my children and give them all the love and attention they'd need, but the rest of it? No. Jesse's it for me. There would never be another that could capture my heart because Jesse has captured my entire soul.
"I'm going to go peek," Jesse announces, kissing me on the top of my head.
I'm an ungrateful bitch. I've got four healthy babies and an amazing husband. There are women out there fighting to get pregnant and others who will never be able to—like Coley—and here I am whining about not being able to have another. What right do I have?
No. I'm not ungrateful. Just… greedy.
"No positive's yet," Jesse announces.
"There won't be," I tell him.
"Did you get your period?" he questions.
"No. But Nana's never wrong."
"She's scary as hell," Xan admits and I laugh.
"She can be. I think she likes messing with you because you mess with everyone else," I tell him.
"Xananigans," Tera tells him knowingly.
"Exactly," I agree.
"It's all in good fun," he defends.
"Exactly," I say again.
His eyes open wide in understanding. "Ahh. Sneaky lady, that Nana of yours."
The timer goes off. We all look to one another but no one moves.
"Do you want me to look?" Tera asks.
