“I do. Would you like to talk about how you felt toward your mother afterward?”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, looking down at the floor. “For the longest time, I didn’t understand how she could do what she did or how she could have let it happen. She had to have known it was going to happen eventually. What she thought or felt toward me doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m honestly okay with her not wanting a kid. I’m not okay with her using that kid the way she did, though. I know why she did it. For money. To feed her drug habit. It doesn’t make it right. I try not to think about it too much. Instead I look for the good in the world. The good mothers Lucy and Summer are. I see how Nicole loves those two kids even though they’re not her own. That’s how it’s supposed to be. I thought I’d be resentful. Why do they get all that love from parents? But there’s nothing but joy. I genuinely want those children to be happy and loved. I know Maria and Antonio have already been through so much, but I know they’ll come out the other side whole.”
“Is that what bothers you? That you don’t feel whole 100% of the time?”
“Yeah. I want to be rid of those memories, or at least be able to control them so I don’t dwell on it as often.”
“I see. We could try hypnotherapy.”
“Hypnosis?” Seriously? Does that even work?
“Yes, hypnosis. It works subconsciously, and your brain only accepts what it wants to, so if you’re resistant to the suggestions, they won’t take, so to speak.”
“What if that happens?”
“We can do it more than once and keep reinforcing those suggestions.”
“Let’s do it. It can’t hurt.”
“When would you like to start?” Joan asks.
“Right now?” I smirk.
“Works for me. I’m going to need you to relax so either lie down on the sofa or recline in the chair.”
I recline the chair and try to relax.
“I’m going to just talk you down so you relax. Then I’ll begin.”
“Okay.”
“Now, Ethan, close your eyes and relax. I want you to know you’re safe here. Nothing and no one can harm you. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable at any point, all you have to do is open your eyes and you’ll be here with me. You’ll be relaxed and the prompts your brain accepts will be instilled in your subconscious and belief system. Let’s begin…”
* * *
“How’d it go today?” Linc asks as we’re seated at a table in a private alcove of El Viejo Restaurante, one of the more up-scale Mexican restaurants.
“We tried hypnosis. It’s not at all what I thought it’d be like,” I admit.
Linc takes a large drink of his ice water with a slice of lime. “How so?”
“Well, I wasn’t completely ‘out’ like it looks in movies and shit. I was just super relaxed, my mind blank except for the sound of Joan’s voice and her suggestions.”
“Suggestions for…?”
“To lessen the intensity of the bad memories. I want more times like we had the other night.”
He nods, taking a chip and dipping it into the salsa.
“Coach is going to kick your ass for eating those chips,” I remind him.
“Nah. I work it off. Besides, I’ve been doing extra for my work out anyway. I’ve been swimming every day. It’s relaxing, and it works more than one group of muscles at a time,” he informs me.
“That’s good. What’s even better is the water being warmer than the air. This is our coldest time of year.”
“March in New York is snowy and, on average, anywhere from the negative temps to a max of twenty. I’ll take your ‘cold’ sixty-degree temps.”
“I miss snow. We should head to the mountains for a weekend before it all melts.”
