“I’ve never had a reason not to.”
“Huh?” Now I’m confused.
“I’ve never had a reason to care what it looked like, whether people were using me, whether people were invading my personal space. It’s just something I’ve gotten used to, something I’ve learned to live with. But I don’t want to do that anymore,” he tells me, taking a step closer.
“You don’t?” I squeak.
He grins. “No, I don’t.” He gathers my flyaway hair into his hands, holding it away from my face. “You see, Jillie, you got to me that night, too. I told you I wanted more from you, and I do.”
“You want more. From me. Like… what?”Holy smokes. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Is he for real? Can I trust him? Omigod.
“Like, you and me going on dates. Texting like people who are interested in one another do.”
I open my mouth to ask another question when he puts his index finger over my lips. His eyes zero in on my lips and I’m finding it hard to breathe.
“I want to be exclusive, Jillie. I don’t want to have a sexual relationship until you’re ready for it. I know you’re not. Not yet.”
Heart hammering. Lungs wheezing. Girlie parts tingling. Red hearts floating overhead.
“I want a real relationship with you. It’s something I’ve never had before with anyone. It’s likely I’m going to screw it up, so I’m going to ask you to be patient with me. I need you to be open and honest with me about everything. If I was too close to the girl at the soda machine, tell me. If you don’t like the way Ellen clings, tell me.”
I hold up my finger and he laughs.
“I already know that. But I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me, okay? I don’t know what I’m doing. At all.”
He moves his finger and I raise my eyebrows.
“Can I talk now?”
He nods, still smiling. Oh boy. That dimple is winking.
“You, here, right now… you’re Jack. I want nothing more than to believe you, Leo, are Jack and that you want all the things we had that night. I’m leery. I’m really afraid.”
“Why?”
“Because, Leo, you have the power to destroy me if I let you get any closer. Please don’t use that truth against me. Ever. I beg of you. I may seem like I’ve got it all together and I can handle things without a problem, but that’s false bravado. The Jill you met that night? That’s me. The real me. The rude drunk Jillie? She’s a bitch and I really don’t like her, but if you hurt me, I think that’s who I’ll become,” I confess.
“And if you hurt me, I’m afraid I’ll never let anyone behind these walls ever again,” he admits.
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah,” he whispers. “Oh boy.”
“Ella’s going to go psycho.”
“I already told her,” he tells me.
My eyes bug out. “What? When?”
“Yesterday. Why?”
“Well, that explains her little show at the game last night.” I eye him. “You really told her?” I squeak again.
He nods. “I really told her.”
“At some point, we’ll have to talk about your weird relationship with her.”
He nods, looking grim. “We will. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
