21
XANDER
Idon't know what I did, but Tera's crying her heart out against my chest.
"What's wrong, babe?" I ask. She says something through her sobs that is absolutely incoherent. "Babe. Shh. Just take deep, steady breaths." I'm trying to soothe her with my words while my hands rub circles on her back.
"Whatever it is, we'll work it out," I tell her.
"I’m afraid," she sobs.
"Of what?”
She sniffles. “That I took too long. That I won’t fit in. That they won’t accept me. That we won’t be compatible anymore.”
“Oh, is that all?” I tease.
She pushes my shoulder then wipes her tears. “It’s not funny, Xan. What if…”
I press my index finger against her lips. “You could ‘what if’ all day long and worry yourself into a frenzy, but at the end of the day the only way to find out ‘what if’ is to do it. That’s what we’re doing. Right here. Right now.”
She sniffles again. “Maybe, but—”
I shush her again. “No maybe. No but. Just right now, just this minute. Not tomorrow or the next day.”
She huffs. “When did you become a grown up?”
I laugh. “Right around the time I lost you.”
Her face scrunches up. “You’re going to make me cry again.”
I chuckle. “No more crying. Unless it’s happy tears. Then you can cry.”
I rest my hands on her cheeks and tip her head back so she's looking at me.
"We will get through this and come out even better than we are right now. I promise you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Xan," she whispers.
"I never do." I take a deep breath. I don't want her to worry. She just got here. I don't want her to be afraid—of me, of us. "Tera."
She blinks.
"Do you love me?" I ask, a little afraid of the answer because, if she doesn't, she's going to make a liar out of me. If she doesn't love me, there's no way I can keep that promise to her.
"Of course, I love you, Xan. You're everything."
Relief pours through me, but I do my best to mask it. Does it make me a hypocrite that I'm a little afraid but I don't want her to be? Yep. Sure does. But she has nothing to fear from me. I'm still all in. I always have been.
"A better question is: Are youinlove with me? Do you love me like you used to?" I ask, showing her my cards. I'll share every single piece of me with her if her answer is yes.
She shakes her head. "No, I don't."
My heart sinks. Well… fuck.
One of her hands rests against my cheek, her eyes go soft, and my stomach flips over. Always with her.
"I love you more, Xan.”
