14
JESSE
Ilook at the guys then hang my head. I can't believe …
"Christ, we fucked up," I tell them soft enough that Tera can't hear.
Kennedy's silent but his eyes are wet with tears, his expression one of shame. It mirrors Ethan's.
Ben's pulling at his hair.
I swallow hard. This is on me.
"Tera?" I say softly, my voice cracking. It's all I can do not to either break down and bawl like a baby or punch a hole in the fucking wall.
She sniffles. "Yeah?" It comes out a squeak.
I close my eyes. Anguish and shame fill me.
"I am so fucking sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am you lost the baby and that we weren't there for you. I wish you'd have told at least me when we came that day, but I understand why you didn't."
I clear my throat.
"The baby, it would've been all of ours, you know? You and Xander may have created it, but we'd have raised it as if it were our own. That's how it will always be."
"I know we were selfish and self-centered and a bunch of fucking assholes. We're all sorry for that too."
All the guys sound off their agreement.
"I want to thank you for being so honest, T. Everything you said just now, it was the truth. You emptied all your emotions, laid them bare for us to see, said everything you needed us to hear, and you were right. All of it. If we'd been there, if we'd thought of you and insisted on being there for you in LA, you wouldn't have been attacked. There are no words to tell you how sorry I am for that—how sorry we all are."
Ben clears his throat. "I've known it since it happened—that it was our fault. I can't stop seeing you lying in that hospital bed, so broken and scared. All the booze and weed in the world can't rid me of that memory and the self-contempt I feel every single day. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry we didn't honor our promise and that you had to go through losing the baby without us. What I hate most is that you couldn't tell any of us until now. What can I do to help, Tera? What do you need? Anything, please, just don't hate me."
He said that way better than I could.
"Please don't hate any of us," I beg. "Please don't leave us again. Don't leaveme. We need you. You're our sister, and I promise we'll never take that for granted again. Ever," I vow.
Tera sniffles again. "I'm not going to tell you it's okay. It's not. I think today will go a long way toward helping me heal so I can forgive you. You know that all of us thinking we could change anything in the past is ridiculous, right? There's no going back. Fate had it planned out for us like this. I had to go through everything for some unknown reason. Maybe one day I'll figure it out, maybe I won't, but you are my brothers, and I can't live without you either."
"Thank you, sweet Jesus," Kennedy murmurs.
"It's going to take me some time, some more therapy before there'll be any semblance of normal. I hope you understand that. It's not as easy as 'I'm sorry'."
"Tera, we know. We understand. If you need us there for therapy, we're there. We'll do whatever it takes to be there for you. You are more important than the band," I confess. "I got caught up in the glam and glitz, fame and chicks. I hate that you went through all of this and didn't feel you could rely on us. That willneverhappen again, little sister. I promise you—and these are promises that willnotbe broken. These are blood oath promises from your big brothers."
All the guys murmur their agreement.
"We fucked up, T. I fucked up. I'm bound to do it again, but please know I am really so sorry. I would never intentionally hurt you. Youarefamily to me. You know that, right?" I ask, hoarsely.
I'm met with silence.
"She's nodding," Lincoln says aloud.
I breathe out the breath I'd been holding.
Apologies come one after the other. Ben. Kennedy. Ethan.
"Thank you," she sniffles, her voice thick with tears. "I don't want to keep resenting you and sometimes hating you. That's not me, and I don't want to let that darkness win."
