Chapter Two
Tera
I'mafraid to go home. Isn't that the most messed up thing ever? Home should be a place you go to feel safe. Home should conjure up warmth, happiness, safety, and love. My house is anything but.
She wasn't always bad. When Dad was alive, she was good—things were good. Then he died in a work accident and she turned to drugs. She became someone I wish I'd never known.
My mom is continually parading men through, screwing them for drugs and money. She hasn't even tried to stop them from trying to touch me—even when I was little. Not that I'm big now. I'm only twelve and I have men trying to grope me. There's something seriously wrong with that. Tonight my mom actually laughed and encouraged it, teasing that someone should feel me up now that I have boobs. I've never been so horrified and embarrassed at the same time. I'm not used to the changes in my body yet, and she points out those changes—all the time. I'm almost ashamed to have boobs from everything she says. Linc tells me she's just jealous because she's old and droopy. It still doesn't make what she's doing right.
When the guy grabbed my arm tonight, I panicked. I did what Linc and the guys taught me to do—I punched him in the nose. His nose must have been weak or something because blood started pouring out of it—and I'm not strong at all. I think maybe that's something I need to change.
Xander leads me downstairs when we hear the garage door open and close, signaling his dad's return home. I'm so nervous and afraid, I start to shake. I notice all the guys behind us and the shaking eases up. I know they're here to protect me, to try to help. I just don't want to have to tell the story in front of them.
I turn into Xander when he wraps an arm around me. Linc rests a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
The minute Dr. Mackenzie comes through the door, he knows something is very wrong—and he's right. He just nods and says, "Let's sit."
So, we do. Xander on one side, Linc on the other. Ethan at my feet and the other guys behind me.
"First, are you okay?" Dr. Mac asks me.
I swallow hard, fighting tears at the tenderness in his tone. I nod.
He reaches out for my hand and I let him take it. Dr. Mac is a good man. I trust him.
"Can you tell me what happened, Tera?"
I nod and lick my lips—a nervous habit. "I went home to get my sketch book—" I look around. I wish they didn't know about my drawing. I mean, now they know about my painting, but I wanted to keep my sketches to myself.
"Go on," Dr. Mac encourages.
"I put it in my backpack with my box of pencils and stuff. I thought I could make it back out without them seeing me. If I had known they'd moved into the living room, I would have climbed out the window like I always do," I confess. "I know better. I don't know why…"
"Stop," Jesse tells me. "You did nothing wrong."
I turn to look at him, his stoic expression giving nothing away. It's only when he reaches forward and rests his hand on my shoulder that I see him soften.
I nod.
"What happened next?" Dr. Mac asks.
"I saw them and was going to turn around but my mom saw me before I could hide. She called me into the room and I knew I had to go. She had that tone, you know? The one when she's using." I lick my lips again. "She introduced me to some guy named Eddie. He was all jacked up. I could see it in his eyes. His arms were all bruised with track marks and I knew he was bad news. Then Mom—" I break off, taking a deep breath. My body starts to shake again and Xander pulls me in closer.
"It's okay, T," he encourages.
I close my eyes to keep the tears at bay, but I fail. One slips free and I hate it. I hate showing weakness, vulnerability, in front of these guys who are strong and tough. I want so much to be like them, but I'm not.
I don't wipe the tear, and let the rest fall. I can't hide them anymore.
"Mom started teasing me again because I've got boobs now," I tell them. "She said to Eddie that maybe he should be the first to feel me up, that I was becoming a woman and a real man should be the one to touch me and show me… things." I'm not telling them the things she mentioned.
Dr. Mac nods and rubs his thumbs over my hands. I watch the motion. His softness compared to the hardness of my mom helps me relax.
"He grabbed at me," I confess and Jesse's hand tightens on my shoulder, as does Linc's. "He wanted me to sit on his lap, but I knew if he got me there it was going to be bad. So, so bad," I whisper.
"What did you do?" Dr. Mac asks.
I look up and meet his gaze, that same icy blue gaze as Xander's. It can be cold as ice or warm as the sun—right now, it's soft and kind with a touch of worry. For me.
