I wince inwardly, hating that she gave him that—that he was the one to take that. We should have been each other's firsts. I keep saying it and hating myself for making sure that didn't happen by putting distance between us, denying what I felt for her.
"Okay," I encourage, rubbing her back.
"So, we only did it once that day. This is so embarrassing and just… weird, telling you about me having sex with someone else," she expresses.
I nod. "Itisweird and not the best topic of conversation I've ever had, but I think I should know what you did and stuff." This time I can't hide the wince.
"Oh, God, Xan. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."
"It's okay. I'm fine. I promise."
She eyes me skeptically, but continues. "I… bled quite a bit so we didn't do it again that day."
Fucking idiot. She would have probably enjoyed it more at that point. Less resistance. I would have tried, at least.
"We did it early the next morning before his parents came home. The other times were just random."
"Tera."
She just looks at me.
"You were with him for more than a year," I say, pretty stunned they didn't fuck like bunnies.
She blushes. "We were pretty young when we started dating and I wasn't ready. For a long time I wasn't ready. On our nine month anniversary is when we planned for."
That leaves, what? Around six months.
"What…" I pause. "How? Why?"
"I loved him, Xan, but he didn't give me those sparks you do." She snickers. "Not sparks… more like, flames. All you have to do is give me that look."
I give her the look and her breath catches. Awesome.
"I'm going to take this slow. I want to savor you."
She bites her lip again and nods. She kicks off her flip-flops, pulls her shirt over her head, and pulls down her shorts. There's my Tera.
"You're fucking beautiful," I tell her. I can barely breathe, she's so perfect. She stands there in front of me in nothing but a see-through light blue bra and a scrap of lace that barely covers her pussy.
I walk over to her, looking into her eyes. "We don't have to—"
She stands on tiptoe and kisses me silent. Her arms wrap around my neck as far as she can reach and her lace-covered tits push against my chest.
Instant hard-on. I honestly don't know if I'm going to be worth a damn in the sack with her. She's just…fuck. She's everything.
"I want you, Xander. I've always wanted you. Let's pretend it's our first," she whispers, a tear slipping down her cheek.
I nod. "But no regrets. I have to believe everything happens for a reason."
"Yeah, you're a dumbass," she teases.
I laugh. "That I am."
"Do you want me, Xander? As your first?" she asks, her voice quiet and shy.
"I want nothing more, T. I don't just love you. I am so deeply in love with you I don't even know how to handle it sometimes," I confess. It feels right to tell her everything I feel. I don't give a shit if the guys would call me a pussy for admitting it. All that matters is her and letting her know.
"I've been in love with you since you told me I couldn't sing for shit." She smiles. "But it's grown over time, Xan, and I can't explain how much I feel for you."
