"Well, believe it," she tells him.
I can't let her think that. No matter the cost, I need her to know the truth.
I walk into the room and Tera rolls her eyes. "Come on in. Get an earful, did ya?"
I sit down on her desk chair, my heart heavy. Fear seeps from my pores. "I didn't send you that note. I wouldn't do that. Like Linc said, I wouldn't take youthere. You deserve better than that." No one says anything. I swallow—hard—and I swear they can hear it. I know for sure they can hear my heart beating.
"Carter Winters asked you out on a date that day and you said yes," I admit, looking down at my hands. "I… was in a bad way after I found out. I asked the guys if I could have the shack to myself. I wanted to get fucked up drunk so I wouldn't think about you going out with him. So, I grabbed the bottle of rum and drank straight from it. About a third of the way in, Gretchen showed up."
I lift my eyes to Tera, who's sitting on her bed, back against the headboard, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped so tightly around them. Her eyes are wide, tear-filled, and wary.
"She walked right in like she owned the joint. I told her to get the fuck out. I swear to you, Tera, I would never do that willingly."
"Give me a break, Xander. Isawhow willing you both were!" she screams at me.
I don't react. She has a right to be angry and, man, is she angry. "I wanted to stop thinking about someone other than me touching you and giving you the firsts I always wanted to give you. She just wanted to hang out, she said. She was tired of her friends and needed a break. So we drank. Then she gave me a pill. She told me it'd take all my troubles away and make me feel good."
I look up at her again. "And I took it."
She gasps and tears stream down her cheeks.
Betrayal number two.No drugs.We'd all promised. We didn't want to end up like Kennedy, Ethan, Tera and Linc's parents.
"One minute I was half drunk and still hurting, and the next I blanked out. I didn't know what she gave me. I didn't know what I took. Don't look at me like that. I know, okay? I know what a fucking stupid thing it was to do. When I woke up hours later, I didn't have any clothes on," I confess.
"You fucked her," she states hollowly.
I nod. "I think so."
"Jesus Christ," Linc curses.
"My head was killing me so when I got home, I told Dad what happened. When I started throwing up, he got worried enough that he took me to the ER. They did some blood tests and hooked me up to an IV."
"The night he said you had the flu," Linc surmises.
I nod. "Yeah. I still didn't know what she gave me. Dad knew though. I had another of those pills in my pocket. He took it to her parents and threatened to go to the cops. They blew him off. I asked him to give me a week. I'd get her to confess. It took ten minutes. All I had to do was tell her she was fucking amazing in the sack and she told me she gave me a pill that enhanced sex. I asked why I couldn't remember anything and that bitch had the nerve to smirk. She said she knew I'd never fuck her, that she knew I hated her because of how she bullied you, so she used GHB."
"What?" Tera breathes.
"Are you fucking kidding?" Linc asks, his hands closing into fists.
"Not kidding. Not something I find funny."
"She…" Tera begins to sob. She covers her mouth, her eyes wide, horrified. "She date raped you!"
I look down at my hands again. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm ashamed.
"Yes," I whisper.
"Xan," she breathes and when I look up she's standing right in front of me. "Why didn't you tell us? Or them, since we weren't really talking?"
I shrug. "I took that pill, T. I took it not knowing what it was or what it would do. I swallowed down that pill with straight rum. Do you think I deserve any sympathy? Do you think I want to try to reason my way out of this?"
"But—"
"No. Don't," I tell her. "I don't want you to think she was the only one in the wrong. What she did was way more fucked up than anything I've ever done, butItook that pill without any coaxing. I did it because I felt sorry for myself. I did it because I fucked up and let you go, telling myself it was for the best. That you deserved better than me. That I'd hurt you, I'd break your heart, and I did that anyway," I concede.
"Xan," she sighs.
