My dad takes a seat on the ottoman in front of the chair. "If you would like to go talk to Dr. Campbell about anything, all you have to do is say the word."
Tera started seeing Dr. Campbell the day she moved out of my life—house. She worked through the fucked-up-ness that her mom and that asshole brought into her life, that they brought into her heart and head. I helped her get through it as her friend, not as the guy I'd been before. You know, the one she turned to with everything. The one she trusted with her deepest, darkest secrets. The one she could be herself with. The more time that goes by, the more I realize just how much Idon'tknow her anymore. I don't know who she's become—and I want to. I want to so much.
But… I know I'm not the right guy for Tera—at least not now. How the hell do I stay away from the girl I've loved since the day I saw her on those monkey bars singing off key? She's had me entranced from the moment I laid eyes on her. It's hard as hell to stay away, but I know it's for the best—for both of us. But mark my words, therewillbe a day when she's mine. It's just a matter of when.
"I don't think I need to see Dr. Campbell. This doesn't upset me. It doesn't bring back bad memories or feelings. I just think I should feelsomething, but I don't. I think it's because she's been so vacant for so long, that it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. For so long, the people in this room have been the only family I've had and I'm grateful for that. So, no, Dr. Mac. I don't need to see Dr. Campbell. If it starts to bother me at all, I promise to tell you," Tera relays.
I couldn't be more proud of my girl in this moment. Make no mistake—she'smygirl. She may be dating Winters, but she's mine.
"All right. I'm glad you both are okay," my dad tells them. "Rosa, Jose, anything you'd like to add?"
"No. You handled that perfectly," Rosa says to my dad. Jose nods his agreement.
"If there's nothing else?" Dad asks. No one speaks up. "Then I'll see you at the family meeting next Thursday."
Our family "meetings" aren't really meetings. They're large family dinners where no one gets to skip out. We're also expected to share the good and bad in our lives—and we do. I don't think any of us hold anything back.
"See you then," Jesse mutters. "I gotta walk the twins home. Jeni mentioned some kid was bullying Jana. Time to squelch that shit."
Ben follows him out the door.
"Later," I call out behind them. Everyone disperses, including Tera, and I stay seated, tipping my head back and looking at the ceiling.
"What's going on, Xan?" my dad asks.
I lift a shoulder.
"C'mon. You can tell me."
"I know I can. But I did this to myself, Dad, and it's the right thing," I admit.
"Ah. Tera," he nods knowingly.
"Yeah. It sucks. I know it's the right thing to do, but Dad…"
"The right thing for who?" my dad asks.
"What?"
"It's the right thing for who, Xan? You? Tera? Did you ever ask her how she feels about this? And why is it the right thing? Why do you think you're so bad for her, son?" Dad questions.
"No. I didn't ask her. But you and I know I'd screw this up. I'd hurt her some way, some how, and I'd hate myself for it. She'd get upset from all the girls that hang around us. I don't think she'd realize it until it happened, but she'd get jealous and lose her faith in me. I can't let that happen, Dad." I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, looking up at him. "One day she's going to be mine, you know? I don't know how I'll know when the time is right, but I believe I'll know it when it happens. And, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm gonna marry her one day," I confess, my heart beating faster and lighter having said the words aloud to someone—finally.
Dad smiles, then puts his hand on my shoulder. "I know, Xan. I've known for a long time. I can't say as I understand your decision to be apart, because one day you're going to have to deal with everything you're trying to avoid right now. Maybe you should rethink this."
I tilt my head in contemplation. I suppose he's right. One day we'll deal with everything together. That's what couples do.
"I'll think about that, Dad. Thanks," I tell him, and I mean it—both the thanks and the fact that I'll be thinking long and hard about me and Tera.
* * *
Six months later (Age 16)
"Are you going to prom?" I hear Linc ask Tera. I came by to ask Mr. M about the lawn for Dad, but it looks like I'm going to get a bonus.
