Ezra’s gut lurched at the news. “Why? Iwantthem to come out, and I’m super happy. What about that would scare them?”
“That’s the thing, homie… you’re not.”
“I’m not what?”
“Look, you got this vibe about you that’s super chill and easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? But that’s not what your offspring are feeling. They can feel the emotions that are here.” Joe tapped his chest.
“In my heart?” Ezra asked.
“No. That is not where Darvrokian hearts are, and also emotions originate from the brain. The heart is used for blood circulation. This”—he tapped his chest again—“is where Darvrokian adrenal glands are, and this is where you feel fear, homie. Deep down, you feel a lot of fear, and I have got to give you a hella amount of sorries, because I am pretty sure it’s my fault.”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Ezra said, but his words came out small and shaky.
“I think you do know, actually,” Joe argued with a sad smile. “’Cause I think you might have been feeling this way for many moons. I think, perhaps, since I left you. Perhaps… because I left you.”
Ezra brought his thumb to his mouth and began chewing on his cuticle, casting his gaze to his lap so he didn’t have to keep making eye contact with Joe.
“You think I left ’cause you were not worth staying for, but that is not the case, homie. You think that I must not care about my offspring because I have so many, but this is also an untruth. Every species in the galaxy has different expectations for fathers. Some grow to adulthood quickly, some do not require fathers at all. Humans and Darvrokians are ones that need both of their parents around, though, and you gotta trust, homie, I woulda been there for you if they had not come and thrown me in the slammer.”
If Ezra could have sunk his gaze any lower, he would have done it. The feeling of dread from before—the one dredged up from some deep, dark place inside of him when he’d seen his mom standing alone as the babies were born—had a chokehold on him, and its grip was only tightening.
He understood the circumstances?—
He understood that Joe had not wanted to leave?—
But that didn’t change the fact that he’d been gone.
That Ezra had been alone.
Pain like that didn’t resolve just because the truth came out. He’d grown up with it, and it—the gnarled and gnashing monster that it was—had grown up with him.
And right now it was whispering that if Joe had really loved him, he would have found a way.
“I have always had love for you, Ezra,” Joe said softly, quietly. “You must believe me. Your offspring are afraid to come into the world ’cause you are afraid of being abandoned, but you have never been abandoned, my main man. You do not have anything to fear, and neither do they.”
Ezra swiped at his eyes, mortified to feel himself tearing up. He couldn’t bring himself to lift his head or even speak, so instead he just nodded.
“And before any more un-dope thoughts find their way into your brainmeat,” said Joe, “I love all of my offspring, and there are many of them.”
“So I’ve heard,” Ezra muttered with a chuckle.
“I mean, there are so many.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Like, think of how many you think is a lot, and then double it. I have a lot?—”
“Yep, you’re a slut, I get it, message received!” Ezra said, throwing his hands up.
“Which is all to say that my love is not limited—not by number, not by distance, and not by time. But perhaps it is not enough to say it. Perhaps you mustknowhow I feel.”
At that, Ezra looked up. “What?”
But Joe did not answer.
He wrapped his hand around Ezra’s bare arm and let him experience the truth instead.
Ezra was not as sensitive to touch telepathy as other Darvrokians seemed to be—hell, he’d struggled with getting a read on his own eggs—but when Joe touched him, the connection was immediate. The love in Joe’s heart was so powerful, Ezra didn’t need to reach for it. It was pushed into him.
