“That could be a pretty long time,” Ezra murmured, clearly trying to make a joke, as was his wont when he was overwhelmed.
“Yet still not long enough.”
When Ezra remained silent, Titan took the opportunity to scoop him up off the ground and hold him like a very large child—an action that, again, would have been made simpler with a proper number of limbs.
With his love secured, Titan kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “Come now, my love. It is time to meet our clutch.”
28
Ezra
Not for the first time since Titan had come into his life, Ezra really wished he was stoned right now. If he was, then maybe he wouldn’t notice how much thisfucking hurt.
He’d never had the highest pain tolerance. He was the type to bitch about a paper cut for way longer than necessary, and whenever he had even thesuggestionof a headache, he was quick to dramatically proclaim it was the end. Once, when he was in grade school, he’d gotten hit in the face with a soccer ball at recess, and even though it had done nothing but leave a hardly noticeable bruise just beneath his eye, the pain had been enough to turn him off of sports for the rest of his life.
Well, that, and the fact that he had no athletic skill to speak of, nor the motivation to willingly do that much exercise, but mostly it was the ball to the face thing.
Which was all to say, he was a wimp. So this whole labor thing? He was not vibing with it. Not one bit.
The two of them had migrated upstairs—Titan carrying him the whole way, which would have been mortifying if Ezra hadn’t been in too much pain to give a shit—and now were in Ezra’s bedroom. The familiarity of it comforted some primal part of his brain as though he needed to be in his natural habitat to give birth, like he was a fucking lizard or something.
Although, Darvrokians were sort of reptilian, and he was half Darvrokian himself, so in a way he reallywasa lizard, and frankly, that was not a thought he needed to concern himself with right here, right now, as he paced the room, hand on his stomach, contractions crashing into him in waves.
“Oh my god, this sucks,” he groaned as the most recent pain receded. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it off his sweaty forehead, and looked to Titan helplessly. “I can’t keep this up. I’m gonna die, man.”
Titan, who was perched on the very end of the bed and had been watching him attentively as he paced the floor like a caged lion, said immediately, “You will not perish. I would never allow such a thing to occur.”
“But ithurts.” Annoyingly, tears pricked at the corners of Ezra’s eyes, which he scrubbed away with the back of his hand.
“I know this,” Titan said sympathetically. “You are a very impressive being for bearing it, and I have much gratitude and admiration for what you are going through to bring our offspring onto this planet. If I were capable of switching our positions, know that I would do so in the beat of a heart.”
“Heartbeat,” Ezra said, grimacing as his lower belly began to cramp again. “You’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“Of course, that is what I sa—I mean, many appreciations for the correction, my sweet Ezra. You are very wise.”
Ezra would have snorted a laugh, but the newest cramp had a full hold over him now. Stopping in his tracks, he bent forward with a groan, the hair he had just pushed off his forehead falling right back in his eyes again.
“Remember to optimize your oxygen intake,” Titan reminded him, hopping off the bed to stand behind him, his hand finding its way to Ezra’s tailbone. He rubbed slow, soothing circles there, which would have felt fantastic if it hadn’t felt like Ezra’s abdomen was attempting to forge diamonds out of his insides. “It will give you relief from your immense suffering, however marginal it may be.”
“I don’t want ‘marginal’ relief,” Ezra managed to spit out through clenched teeth. “I want this whole thing to be over. How much longer will this take?”
“It is dependent on the being in question. For some, labor progresses quickly, and for others it takes several Earth days. The more your pain increases, the closer you are to delivery. Delivery itself, of course, is an agonizing event, but it generally does not last an inordinate amount of time… unless the clutch is unusually large, which I suppose ours could be. We have done no examinations to determine the number of eggs you are carrying, and while the compact size of your abdomen suggests a smaller number, it is possible that your reproductive organs have formed in such a way that a larger clutch need not protrude, which would mean you would be in delivery for a significant amount of?—”
“Stop,” Ezra said sharply. “You’re supposed to be helping. Telling me how much more pain I’m going to be in isnothelping.”
“Oh, yes, I should have known this, as it is obvious. You have my apologies.” Ezra heard him clear his throat awkwardly. “I have fear that I must make a confession to you, my sweet Ezra, and that is that while I have always prided myself on my wealth of knowledge, in this instance I am… what is the English phrase? Playing it on ear?”
“Playing it by ear,” Ezra muttered, slowly straightening himself out as his body granted him a few moments of peace.
“I do not have joy for what you English speakers refer to as ‘prepositions,’” Titan said with disgust. “Their meanings are too similar, and it makes using them intuitively difficult. Al and I have spoken at length about this problem, as well as the vast number of other problems English contains, and we have discussed the possibility of bringing in several revered Darvrokian linguists to assist with improving your language. Once your world governments hear our proposal, I am confident they will agree that it would be beneficial—especially the government officials who speak much better languages than English. Once you are able to return to your ambassador duties, I believe it is something we should consider.”
“Okay, new ground rules for helping me through labor and delivery: no talking about how much worse things are going to get, and no talking about work.”
“Ah. Understood. Should I also refrain from voicing discontent with ridiculous and illogical Earth concepts and inventions?”
“Bitching about stupid Earth shit is okay, but keep it to a minimum.”
“Understood.”
