Growing discouraged, he asked, “Have either of you discovered anything of use?”
“Nada,” said Ezra, which Titan now knew was a word in Spanish, a language, Ezra had explained the day prior, that was in fact spoken in Madrid, Spain, Europe, Earth.
“Perhaps I have located something of interest,” Kyle said, skimming through a sheet of paper. “Or rather, someone.”
“Whaddya got?” Ezra asked, getting up to peer over Kyle’s shoulder. Kyle pointed at something on the paperwork, and Ezra read aloud, “Occupation: interspecies fertility specialist.”
He raised an eyebrow at Titan.
“I am unfamiliar with that job title,” Titan said, “but it sounds as though it would give promise.”
“It’s promising, yeah,” Ezra agreed. He held a hand out and Kyle passed him the sheet of paper. He scanned the page and said, “Wait a second. I remember this guy.”
“Which applicant was he?”
“Joe,” Ezra said with a grimace. “The weird one… I mean, weirder than usual. He spoke in outdated slang and asked me a lot of personal questions.”
“Oh yes, I recall him,” Titan said. “You disagreed with me about his admittance onto Earth, but perhaps it was good that I won that particular argument, if he is capable of assisting us.”
“Ugh.” Ezra made a face. “I was hoping that had been the last of that guy. I guess you’re right, though. He seems like our best bet.”
“He is located nearby, in Bumfuck Nowhere, New Mexico, Earth,” Kyle said, pointing at the address field on the paper in Ezra’s hands. “We should easily be able to visit.”
“What the hell,” Ezra said with a shrug. “Let’s give it a shot.”
“You don’t have to tip Uber drivers a hundred dollars, man,” Ezra said as the three of them left the black Nissan Versa driven by Santana F. and approached the elegant dwelling in which interspecies fertility specialist Joe resided. It was much smaller than any government-appointed building, but it made up for it with its impressive display of silver wind chimes—at least sixty in total—which hung from various places and made music for the flock of one-legged, statue-like pink birds scattered across the grounds. One of the birds must not have been native to the area, as it had a scarf wrapped around its neck and a small but charming knitted hat with a fluffy pompom on its head.
“You guys think this might be the place?” Ezra asked, deadpan. He had to speak loudly to be heard over the wind chimes.
“Of course it is,” Kyle said with a frown.
Titan nodded. “This is the address in the file—why would that be incorrect? I created the file and I do not make mistakes. I mean… I do not make mistakesoften.”
He looked to Ezra for approval, who clapped him on the arm. “A for effort.”
Titan’s grasp of the bad language known as English was firm enough that he knew “effort” did not start with an “a,” but before he could bring this to Ezra’s attention, Ezra had bounded up the stairs and pressed the doorbell. A distant melody played, which caused Ezra to furrow his brow.
“He’s got his doorbell set up to play ‘Ice, Ice, Baby,’” he said with a snort.
Titan exchanged a blank look with Kyle.
Despite Ezra’s claims, there was no ice or offspring to be seen.
An increment later, there came the sound of movement from inside the dwelling, and an increment after that the door swung open and there stood Joe, hair sticking every which way and dressed in a hot pink… Titan believed the word was “Speedo.”
“Ezra!” Joe said with a giant smile that showed off his shiny white teeth. “My main man! I was hoping I’d catch you on the flip side. What is cracking?”
Titan watched Ezra briefly close his eyes and take a calculated breath.
“Hey, Joe,” he said on the exhale. “My, uh, friends and I had a few questions for you. Uh, personal questions, I should say. We think you might be able to help us out, but, uh…” He glanced down very quickly at Joe’s Speedo, cringed, and looked back at Joe’s face. “If this is a bad time we can always come back later.”
“Hey, no worries, man. It is chill. I would love to help you out. How are you doing, by the way? Are you taking it sleazy?”
“I’m… you know what, sure. Yep. I’m taking it sleazy.”
“Radical,” said Joe. “Well, why don’t you guys come in and?—”
“Babe, who’s at the door?” called a woman’s voice from inside the house. A second later, the owner of the voice came into view. She was a middle-aged woman wearing a fluffy lavender robe. Her dark hair was strewn about in the same way Ezra’s often was upon first waking up in the morning, although judging by the time of day, Titan did not think she had only just gotten out of bed.
