At least he didn’t have to feel guilty about this.
Ezra and Titan stood in complete silence just outside the doors to the mansion, waiting for their military taxi to arrive and take them to work. Ezra was doing everything in his power to avoid looking at, engaging with, or otherwise acknowledging the alien’s existence; he focused instead on his travel mug full of coffee, pushing the slider piece up and down, but not drinking anything. Titan stood next to him, not saying or doing anything, but Ezra had a feeling that was about to change. There was a feeling in the air—a kind of buzzing pent-up energy—that made it feel like Titan was waiting for the opportunity to launch them both into a conversation.
Ezra clicked his slider lid faster, then took a swig.
He very purposefully didnotlook Titan’s way.
“You pleasured yourself to thoughts of me this morning,” Titan said out of nowhere as Ezra was mid-sip.
Ezra, who had been expecting some sort of bullshit, but had not been expectingthat,choked and sputtered.
“What the fuck?” he asked, coughing, trying to get hot coffee out of his nose. “No I didn’t.”
“Itis a natural thing to do. You do not need to lie about it.”
“I’m not lying,” Ezra lied.
“I can smell it on you,” Titan replied, which was among one of the wildest things anyone had ever said to Ezra, yet somehow explained nothing.
“What—” He cut himself off, glancing over his shoulder at the closed door behind them, then lowered his voice and said, “What are you even talking about?”
“I believe you humans refer to them as fairy-moans.”
“Aswhat?”
“Fairy-moans,” Titan repeated unhelpfully. “The smell one gives off to attract a mate.”
“Jesus Lord in Heaven, do you mean pheromones?”
“This is what I said. Fairy-moans.”
“No. Pheromones. You’re making an E sound, there’s no E sound. It’s ‘uh.’ Pher-uh-mones.”
“Yes. This is what I have said.”
Ezra rolled his eyes. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
They fell back into uncomfortable silence.
“Your fairy-moans are really quite pungent.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”
“If you had permitted me to stay with you in your bed I could have assisted you in achieving your climax, and then you would not have had to rely on thoughts of me.”
“What makes you think it was to thoughts of you?”
“What else would you pleasure yourself to?” Titan asked, sounding so earnest that it seemed like he genuinely couldn’t fathom the prospect of Ezra fantasizing about anyone but him. And like… he wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t deeply annoying.
“Here’s an idea,” Ezra said sharply. “Why don’t we not talk about my masturbation habits at seven in the morning?”
“When is a more reasonable time to discuss such a thing?” Titan asked. He wasn’t joking, and despite himself, Ezra nearly laughed.
“How about this—you can talk to me about them when I’m dead.”
“That… That does not…” Titan squinted, trying to suss out how that would work. It looked like he was about to question him further when the black military van pulled up the driveway to pick the two of them up.
“Remember, no sex talk in the Men in Black car,” Ezra whispered as the security gate opened and the van drove through.
