“Actually take a million hours. I know. I was using hyperbole, and you know it.” Jude turned onto a main road and his car made a series of screeching noises that did not fill Al with confidence. Jude did not react at all.
“The bus is a safer alternative in your current state,” Al insisted, although he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He knew it before he even opened his mouth, but still, he felt compelled for his concern to at least be voiced, even if it was fruitless.
“Look, I’ve been driving this thing for years now and have only almost died like, six times max, and it’s not like I’m in labor right this second. Obviously. I’m assuming that’s something I’d know.” Jude furrowed his brow and glanced at Al in the passenger seat. “Thatissomething I’d know, right?”
“If you begin having, I believe the English word is ‘contractions,’ you are likely going into labor. You are not having contractions now, are you?” Al suddenly felt anxiety, eyeing Jude up and down as though he was on the brink of giving birth and they both had just happened not to notice.
“Chill out,” Jude said, casting a fond smile Al’s way. “The only pain I’m feeling right now is indigestion from that leftover chalupa I ate before we left.” With one hand still on the wheel, Jude rubbed his stomach with a grimace, and Al just barely refrained from rolling his eyes.
“I attempted to dissuade you from consuming that, as they always cause you stomach displeasure, but you chose to not listen to my warnings.”
“Hey, I have cravings, okay. These guys?” He pointed at his belly. “They decide what my meals are gonna be.”
A small grin tugged at the corner of Al’s mouth. He felt enjoyment when Jude spoke about their offspring jovially. It allowed him the chance to pretend that they could be a family. He had been doing a lot of pretending these days, but only because he was sure that despite Jude’s constant assertions to the contrary, he would be an incredible father.
If only Jude could be convinced this was the case.
Despite Al’s misgivings, the drive to campuswasconsiderably shorter than a bus ride, and roughly ten minutes later, Jude was parking his car in a mostly empty parking lot, the two of them having survived despite all odds. Once Jude was satisfied with his parking, Al escorted him the short distance to the engineering building. Jude tugged at the hem of his already baggy t-shirt nervously along the way, but he needn’t have bothered—with summer in full swing, the campus was largely deserted save for a handful of students taking summer classes, and the two or three individuals they passed did not pay them any mind, all of them lost in their own thoughts and academic pursuits. Al noticed they were all wearing shorts and tank tops, exposing as much skin as possible in order to stay cool in the unrelenting desert heat. Jude had said it was “hot as shit” today, but Al found the temperature to be quite pleasant. He had appreciation for the climate here in Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States, Earth. It was similar enough to Darvrok 6 that Al felt at home.
But the climate was not all that had endeared Al to this place.
Jude was a large part of the reason he liked it here, of course, but it was more than that. As the earth’s sun shined down on them on their little jaunt across campus, Al took a moment to appreciate his surroundings. It was odd here, but charming, every part of this place rich in character, and while many parts of it were bad, he did not find himself ashamed to think of it as his home.
They passed by the English department, where students went to study the worst language Al had ever had the displeasure to encounter. A man leisurely rode past them on a bicycle—a ridiculously inefficient transportation device that humans willingly used to get to places even slower than if they used their cars. In the distance, a clock tower rang, indicating that it was noon, which meant nothing and was a completely arbitrary and ineffective way of telling time.
The planet was silly beyond belief. It was remarkable that intelligent life had managed to evolve here at all, and Al felt love for all of it. It was the planet that had created Jude, and any place that could do that had to be special, regardless of how stupid almost every aspect of it was.
But that love did not save Al when—upon viewing the engineering building—the reality of the situation began to set in, tying unpleasant knots in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t let himself think too hard about the call he was about to make, because whenever he did, his human body disguise started sweating excessively, which was unpleasant. Al wasn’t sure why it was necessary for a body to become damp when it felt anxiety, but again, very few human things made sense.
The problem, unfortunately, was two-pronged. While Al felt hate at the idea of leaving Jude and the planet that had been his temporary home for months now, his more immediate and sweat-producing concern was that he really, really, really, really did not feel desire to call his mother and father.
“Are you all right?” Jude asked, shaking Al out of his thoughts with a jolt. “You’re being awfully quiet. The clock tower rang and you didn’t even complain about how arbitrary it was.”
“It is very arbitrary,” Al assured him. “I apologize. I was thinking.”
Jude gently bumped his shoulder into Al’s and asked, “Yeah? What about?”
Al tried to smile, but he was certain it came off more as a grimace. He said, “I have not spoken to my parents for a very long increment of time now. I do not expect that it will be a pleasant conversation, and I do not feel excitement at the prospect.”
“Won’t they at least be happy to know that you’re alive?” Jude asked, knitting his brows together in concern. “For all they know, youliterallydisappeared off the face of the planet and never contacted them again. If I were them, I’d assume you got sucked into a wormhole, or got blown to pieces by some territorial aliens who didn’t like you being near their planet.”
“I have told you on multiple occasions that your ‘science fiction’ entertainment programs greatly exaggerate the amount of brutality that occurs in outer space,” Al said, but his heart wasn’t in it. He was still distracted, and Jude could tell.
“I know,” he said, reaching over and giving Al’s hand a quick squeeze. “I just thought correcting me might cheer you up.”
“I feel appreciation at this,” Al said with a sigh, “but I admit that the closer we get to where I have been storing my communication device, the more nervousness I feel. My parents may feel brief joy to know that I am alive, but once they learn that I am all right, their feelings of joy will quickly turn to feelings of disappointment.”
“That’s shitty. Disappointment is always worse than anger when it comes to parents.”
“Yes, and they will feel it very strongly, as I have given them much cause to do so. I have”—he began using his fingers to count—“crashed my spaceship after being explicitly told not to fly it outside of the Darvrokian solar system. I have made first contact with an unknown species without filing a single piece of paperwork. I have engaged in mating with a member of the aforementioned species, and consequently impregnated him. I have missed many,manydays of work in the mining fields.” Al let his arms fall limply to his sides as he blew out a big breath of defeat. “Yes, I feel certainty that it will be a bad conversation. They will spend many Mississippis comparing me to Titan, and I will feel great annoyance.”
“Titan? Is that your brother?”
“Yes,” Al said with contempt. “You would not be able to pronounce his given name, but ‘Titan’ means the same thing. I read this word when I felt boredom and was teaching myself ancient Greek while you had daytime unconsciousness last Thursday. It means someone who is very strong and important. Someone godlike. This is the significance of Titan’s given name, and also his personality.”
“What does your real name translate to?” Jude asked.
Al rubbed the nape of his neck, the corners of his lips turned down.
