“I’m not saying you are, but if it’s a possibility, I think you should take a test just in case. No matter what, it’ll be okay.” Alex smiled, seemingly in an attempt to calm Matthew down. If anything, it made Matthew more flighty. He couldn’t do this again. Emily was supposed to be his one and only. Next year she’d start kindergarten and he’d start college, and from there he’d do whatever it took so they had a better life.
Getting pregnant again wasn’t part of the plan.
If Alex was right, Matthew had destroyed his own future before it had even begun.
Fat tears leaked from his eyes. Frustrated, he blinked them away. Why was he so stupid? He’d let Jason manipulate him into getting pregnant with Emily, then he’d begged for Damien’s knot like the pathetic, heat-addled slut Jason had always said he was. What did he think was going to happen? His body had warned him that something was going on and he hadn’t listened.
He deserved this.
The tears came on harder than before, but so did Matthew’s frustration. It wasn’t only his future he’d ruined, but Emily’s, too. She’d needed him to be strong and responsible—to get his act together so that she had the best shot at life—and he’d let her down.
Why thefuckwas he so stupid? Why couldn’t he get one fucking thing right?
Enraged, Matthew balled his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. A scream pried itself free from his lungs and beat against the backs of his clenched teeth. All of this was his fault. He had no one to blame but himself.
Without an outlet for his aggression, Matthew swung blindly to the side. His fist hit the shower curtain. Another anguished roar rattled deep within his chest, and with all his strength, he grabbed it by the fistful and tore it off its rings, then cast it into the tub.
“Whoa!” Alex hovered nearby, a hand outstretched in worry while fear flickered in his eyes. “Matthew, calm down! You don’t know for sure.”
Only he did. Of course he did. It was fucking obvious. Shoulders heaving, Matthew carded his fingers through his hair and pushed a pained breath from between his teeth. “I need to take a pregnancy test. I need to know for sure.”
“If you wait until tomorrow, I can—”
“No. Right now. I need to take it today.” If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to sleep. “Can you look after the girls while I go out? I won’t be long.”
“No need. I’ve got you.” Alex opened the medicine cabinet and took out the box of rubber gloves they kept inside. He wrested a wad of them free and fished out a second box hidden inside. Matthew watched, incredulous, as Alex handed it to him. It was a pregnancy test. “There are two tests inside. You can use one today and one tomorrow if you want to be extra sure.”
“Why do you have these?”
Alex shrugged a single shoulder and turned his head to the side, managing to look unaffected and embarrassed all at once. “I’m pretty sure that falls under the, ‘don’t talk about your dad’ rule.”
“Holy shit, Alex.”
“I’m not pregnant. Yet.” Alex shrugged. He tucked the unused gloves back into the box and set them on the shelf. “I’m due for my heat three months from now. We’re going to try then. Your dad wanted to make sure we had everything on hand in case I went into heat early.”
The thought of his father actively planning for another baby made Matthew nauseous in new, horrible ways. He stared blankly at Alex, who appeared impervious to Matthew’s disgust.
“Do you want me to be here for you when you take the tests, or do you want to be alone?” Alex asked. “Whatever you decide, I’m not going to tell your dad.”
“Will you stay with me?” Matthew dipped his chin, ashamed. When he’d found out he’d been pregnant with Emily, he’d been in a public bathroom, alone. He didn’t want to feel that same empty feeling again. “Maybe go check on the girls while I take it. Set them up with a movie so they’ll be distracted. When you come back, we can wait for it to develop together.”
“Good plan. I’ll be back in a second.” Alex hesitated by the door, his hand on the doorknob. “You know it’s going to be okay, right? Whatever the results of the test, and whatever you choose to do with them, you’ve got me. We’re going to make this work.”
Matthew nodded. He was sure that if he spoke, he’d start to cry.
What he wouldn’t give to hear Damien say that to him.
Soon enough Alex was gone. In the few moments of privacy he had, Matthew tore the cellophane from the box and took one of the tests from inside. A quick unzip later, he doused it with a sample, capped it, and set it on the lid of the toilet to develop. The process took little more than a few minutes, but by the time Alex knocked on the bathroom door and let himself inside, it felt like it’d been hours. While they waited, Alex sat with Matthew on the side of the tub and tucked him under his arm. Matthew, not caring how childish he looked, rested his head on Alex’s shoulder and blinked away silent tears.
“I’ve got you,” Alex promised in reassuring whispers, his words mussing the hair on the top of Matthew’s head. “I’m here.”
The test developed. They read the results together.
23
Damien
KnotMyProblem: Guess who’s in Aurora, bitches?!?!
