KnotMyProblem: Am I meant to get drunk off them so when Matthew kills me, it won’t hurt as bad?
TeenDad2: LOL
XVerity: Christ, Knot, do NOT drink mineral spirits
LoveHarley: @TeenDad2
LoveHarley: xV using strong language alert
TeenDad2: OMG YESSS
TeenDad2: I can die happy
TD sent two emojis: one skull and one black heart.
KnotMyProblem: Dads, FOCUS!
KnotMyProblem: If someone doesn’t help me, I will die
KnotMyProblem: Matthew will kill me
KnotMyProblem: Then I’ll be free to haunt this chat until the end of time, annoying all of you until the government cracks down on illegal internet specters and defrags me
KnotMyProblem: and trust me, that won’t be pretty
GlitterDoctor: Okay Knot, here’s the deal. Real talk
GlitterDoctor: Water’s not going to work
GlitterDoctor: Mineral spirits are a kind of solvent, which is what you need. xV recommended them because that’s what a majority of people use to safely polish wood. So what you need to do is find whatever you usually polish your wood with, dab a little of it onto a rag, and rub it out
God, the jokes Damien wanted to make. It was a pity he didn’t have more time.
KnotMyProblem: thnx
KnotMyProblem: brb
Damien shoved his phone into his pocket, collected Bryan under his arm like one might carry a football, and barreled from the living room into the kitchen. In the cabinet beneath the sink was a bottle of floor polish. Only the magnetic baby locks keeping the cabinet door shut divided him from its crayon-destroying might.
The lock decided to be difficult.
“C’mon.” Damien grunted, pushing the cabinet door in while applying the magnet that would undo the interior latch. “C’mon!”
At last the lock clicked. He swung the door open, dug around one-handed while keeping Bryan away from tasty, tasty poison, and crowed in victory when he touched the metal bottle. After that it was nothing to grab a rag. Spoils in hand, Damien closed the cabinet door and sprinted into the living room.
“Daddy!” Emily cried from the front porch. “Daddy! Hi, Daddy! Did you have a good day at schooool?”
Damien set Bryan on the floor out of reach of the area he needed to clean and dropped to his knees.
The front door opened.
Panicked, Damien unscrewed the cap. In an unlikely turn of events, it cooperated and opened without giving him attitude.
“I had an excellent day at school. I learned lots,” Matthew said from somewhere in the porch, or, as Damien liked to think of it, far too close for comfort. “Did you learn lots, too?”
“I learned to count caterpillars. There weresix.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of caterpillars. What were they all doing at school?”
