“What who means?” Everett asked, baffled.
Jayne gestured at his phone. “The internet. Despite what my douchebag ex would have you believe, I’ve never been with two guys at the same time, much less considered what it might take to…” The thought ended prematurely, and for a moment, Jayne looked almost sheepish. “You know.”
Everett did not know. “What?”
Jayne glared and puffed up, eerily similar to what Shep did when he felt like someone was committing an injustice toward him. “Really? You’re going to make me say it? You do know. You’re pretending you don’t.”
A laugh swelled behind Everett’s ribs until it was a struggle to keep it contained. “Do I?”
“I’m going to kick you,” Jayne announced several seconds before he knocked his toes into Everett’s stomach. The force he’d used wouldn’t have been enough to knock an empty glass onto its side, but it did chase the laugh from Everett’s chest, which only caused Jayne to glare with increased fervor. “You’re doing it on purpose.”
It took a second for Everett to get himself back under control, but once he did, he grinned at Jayne. “Am not. And even if I were doing it on purpose, if I know what you’re going to say, why not come out and say it? It’s not like it’s such a big deal if both of us know about it.”
Jayne shrugged, but even as he did, he looked aside and pushed his chin against his shoulder, somewhat reminiscent of a swan. It was both elegant and sad, and Everett couldn’t help but feel like he’d read the situation wrong.
Before he could apologize, Jayne started to explain.
“Sex is easy.” Jayne glanced at Everett from the corner of his eye, then lifted his chin and refocused his attention on him in full. “Sex is a scientifically and socially definable act. I could have sex with every man who looked my way, and as long as I was careful about it, nothing in my life would change.” Jayne trailed off and hesitated before he next spoke. “But commitment? That’s different. It changes you. People make this big fuss about virginity and sex, but I think they have it all wrong. Trusting your heart to someone changes you a thousand times more than sex ever could.” Jayne lowered his foot, rubbing his ankles together nervously. “And trusting your heart to two people? I feel I have every right in the world to be terrified.”
Everett traced the birthmark on Jayne’s leg. He said nothing.
With a small sigh, Jayne grabbed Everett’s wrist and squeezed, bringing Everett to look at his face. While Jayne’s expression was worried, determination burned in his eyes, made all the more visible by the way the light from the television spilled across their surface. As the movie went on, the light flickered and danced, and Everett couldn’t help himself—he changed his position so he could cup Jayne’s cheek, craving his touch badly.
“I’m not saying that as a knock against you, just so you know,” Jayne clarified. “I don’t want to insinuate that you and Caleb aren’t trustworthy. Since I found my way to you, you’ve been nothing but kind to me and my family. All I mean by what I said is that I have baggage, and that it’s up to me to sort it out. It’s not your job.” Jayne released Everett’s wrist and slid his palm over the back of the hand that cupped his cheek. “But commitment is a big thing for me. It’s ascarything for me. And I feel like… like if I want to do this, then I need to make sure I don’t make any mistakes. If I want to keep my heart safe, I need to take every step I can to make sure I don’t fuck this up.”
Everett caressed Jayne’s cheek with one slow, gentle sweep of his thumb after another. The moment felt delicate, like if he moved too quickly or spoke too soon, it would disintegrate, but after what Jayne had said, he couldn’t stay silent any longer. “It’s not only up to you.” Jayne closed his eyes, but he didn’t argue, so Everett continued. “If we want this to work, thenallof us need to make an effort. Whether we succeed or fail doesn’t fall on you.”
“You two have been a couple for years,” Jayne confessed, matching the volume of Everett’s voice. He opened his eyes and looked at Everett from beneath his lashes. God, was he gorgeous. Everett’s heart twisted in on itself, and he found himself wanting to do something—anything—to protect Jayne from his troubling thoughts. “You know you can make it work with each other. If things go wrong, it’s not going to be because of either of you—it’s going to be because of me.”
“No.” Everett took his hand from Jayne’s cheek so he could reposition himself. Careful not to crush Jayne or otherwise displace him, Everett settled beside him and draped an arm over Jayne’s side. “Do you know why Caleb and I were at Circuit Rush in the first place?”
Jayne shook his head.
“We were there because we’ve never been able to make our relationship work, and taking someone home was how we’d been coping with our sexual incompatibility.” Everett held back a coarse laugh that might have turned into a sob were he careless. “I love Caleb, and I know he loves me, but sometimes that’s not enough. We’ve been friends all our lives and lovers for the last few years, but I could see the writing on the wall. In the not-too-distant future, I’d take over the family business from my dad, and Caleb… Caleb would stay the same. We’d go down our separate paths and that would have been it. We would have fallen apart. You aren’t ruining us, Jayne—you saved us.”
The light from the television caused the tears gathering in Jayne’s eyes to shimmer. With a few rapid-fire blinks, he cleared them away.
“Even if things don’t work out,” Everett continued, speaking more softly than he had before, “knowing you has changed us. For the first time in over a year, Caleb is speaking with his father. He’s out there right now trying to make things right. And I…” Unable to put his emotions into words, Everett trailed off and tried his best to pull himself together. His chest was tight in the same way it got whenever he thought about the future, but now, it was tight for different reasons. The desolate existence he’d once envisioned was no longer a sure thing. Jayne had flung open doors and windows of possibility that had once been assuredly locked, and now Everett had hope.
Hope.
It sounded like such a small thing, but it was more powerful than Everett had realized. With Jayne there, the future didn’t feel so bleak. What had been impossible before had been made attainable.
Everett looked into Jayne’s eyes and smiled. “I feel like I might be changing, too.”
A smile crept across Jayne’s face. It shaped his lips, cheeks, and eyes, then spread through his person. The small, simple joy of Everett’s words uplifted him as much as they’d uplifted Everett, and the air between them thickened with affection and understanding.
Everett would never let Jayne carry such a large emotional burden on his own.
“If we’re in this,” Everett whispered, “we’re in this together. I don’t want you to ever feel like it’s your responsibility to keep us all together. That’s not how a relationship works. It’s up to you, and me, and Caleb, and the three of us together.”
Carefully, Jayne wove his fingers through Everett’s hair, then brought their lips together and kissed him softly but sweetly. The sincerity of his touch stripped Everett of his lingering fears. Everything was changing, and yet, he had no reason to be afraid. Caleb was there for him, and Jayne was there for him, and united, they would find their way.
The kiss concluded, but Jayne’s lips didn’t stray from Everett’s. When Jayne spoke, his words were a caress. “What did I do to deserve dedication like this?”
Everett smiled. The joy Jayne radiated penetrated his skin and sank through his tissue, diffusing through his being so seamlessly, Everett was barely able to notice as his body surrendered to it.
“You persevered,” Everett replied. “You forged ahead despite the setbacks you suffered. You dared to keep living and not let life best you. You deserve this. Never tell yourself that you don’t.”
