Wouldturn things around.
Shep and Parker were counting on him, and for them, Jayne would do anything.
* * *
Jayne’s kneeshit the kitchen floor. His heart lodged itself in his throat. As his pulse quickened, he gathered his wits and spoke the words he’d been dreading. “Then I don’t need to explain why I’m doing this, do I? If you agree to give my family a safe place to stay, I’ll do whatever you want me to. Anything at all.”
On his way to the kitchen, Jayne had imagined how the encounter would go. All flirt and flair, he’d lock eyes with Caleb—who seemed the most sexual of the two—from across the room, then saunter his way over like the hot young thing he was. When he dropped to his knees and fixed Caleb with his best fuck-me eyes, Caleb wouldn’t even think before agreeing to Jayne’s terms. Caleb, of course, would whip out his dick, and Jayne would suck it right there in the kitchen to prove what a good, obedient little slut he could be… and when Everett got too horny to continue being a bystander, Jayne would show them both what he could really do.
The reality of the situation was nowhere near his expectations.
Shoulders trembling, Jayne stared at his own knees. He couldn’t find the strength to lift his chin, let alone try to look seductive. It was too much. All of it was too goddamn much. He’d held himself together so far for the kids, but now there were no kids around to be strong for. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he let out a shuddering sigh that turned into a full-body sob.
“Whoa!” Caleb dropped to his knees by Jayne’s side, Everett following him a moment later. Caleb put a hand on Jayne’s shoulder while Everett took his hand and squeezed. “Hey, come on, now. It’s okay.”
It wasnotokay. Jayne squeezed his eyes shut, but tears spilled down his cheeks regardless. Another sob racked through his body and rattled his throat. “H-How is this o-okay? H-How isanyof th-this okay?”
“Because we’ve got you now,” Everett said softly. He pulled Jayne to his chest, and Jayne collapsed against him, locking his arms around Everett’s neck and burying his head on his shoulder. Caleb tugged them both into his arms and held them tight.
“We’ve got you,” Caleb echoed, his voice smooth as silk but deep in its complexity. Its kindness broke the last of Jayne’s composure. He cried until he ran out of tears, held safe in the arms of strangers.
17
Everett
Everett stayed with Jayne on the floor while his legs went numb and his kneecaps ached. A prickling sensation coursed through his feet, and while he warded it off as best he could by curling his toes, there was no holding it back for long—it consumed him from the ankle down, then began to creep up his calves. Still, Everett dared not move. Couldn’t move. The moment gripped him like a vise, demanding his compliance. It would not let go.
Jayne, small and broken, sobbed tearlessly in his arms. With each breath, he shuddered. At times, when his sorrow grew too intense, the shuddering gave way to convulsions. Everett closed his eyes, affording Jayne his privacy, and buried his nose in Jayne’s hair. The scent of bergamot greeted him, warm and welcoming, paired with something sweet and floral that Everett had trouble distinguishing. It didn’t matter what it was—all that mattered was that it was Jayne’s.
“I’m sorry,” Jayne whispered. The words traced along Everett’s neck and collarbone like a lover’s fingers, so gentle that he could hardly believe they were real. Then, as Jayne’s voice cracked, “I’msorry.”
“… For?” Caleb kissed the side of Everett’s head, then rested his forehead in Jayne’s hair so his nose was mere inches from Everett’s.
“For crying all over you in your kitchen and getting snot all over your boyfriend.” Jayne’s whole body stiffened as another would-be sob rattled loose from inside of him. He sniffled. “I’m such a fucking baby. I thought I could hold my shit together, but obviously I can’t even do that.”
“I think you held your shit together astoundingly well.” Everett pulled Jayne closer, and Jayne, boneless, slouched onto Everett’s chest and allowed himself to be held.
Caleb hummed in agreement. “Pretty sure you’re going to be constipated for a week from all the cement you used to lock that shit in place.”
Jayne snorted. He drew breath as if to speak, but his sorrow robbed him of words—a shudder ran through him instead, and he abandoned hope, melting onto Everett. The protective instinct that had overcome Everett back at the apartment returned, and he pressed a kiss to Jayne’s forehead, knowing this time, he could satisfy it.
“You had a rough day,” Everett said.
“Understatement,” Caleb agreed.
“You held it together for the kids, but that doesn’t mean you have to hold it together forever. It’s not wrong to feel what you’re feeling—what’s wrong is to ignore it. No matter how tough you are, there comes a time when you’ve got to let it out.”
“You’re going to make me start crying again,” Jayne accused.
“So? Fucking do it.” Caleb pulled back from their embrace, sinking onto his ass. He fanned out his legs, winced, then scooted over so that he sat next to Jayne. There was a solemn glint in his eyes that Everett had only ever seen once, several years ago, when Caleb had learned that all his life, his father had been lying to him. The sight of it ate Everett from the inside out. It wasn’t anger, or resentment, or even frustration—it was worry. Profound, soul-shattering worry. And while it may have crossed Caleb’s face in small ways, drawing the corners of his lips inward and flattening the arches of his brows, its impact was monumental.
Everett would never forget the pain of holding Caleb that night—the fear that had chilled his bones and frozen his mind. It was the first, and only, time Everett had seen Caleb cry… and the first time that he’d known with absolute certainty that he loved Caleb with everything he had.
Those feelings had come back for him, and by the look in Caleb’s eyes, they hadn’t come back for Everett alone.
Caleb squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his face to the side of Jayne’s head not in a kiss, but in a gesture that spoke of heartbreak. When he spoke, he did so into Jayne’s hair, his voice muffled. “Cry. Cry until your eyes are swollen shut and your tongue feels like sandpaper and your throat hurts so much, you want to rip the damn thing out. Cry until you’ve met every last toxic thought in your head—hell, until you’ve visited each of them a thousand times over. And the worst ones? The ones that make your chest clench because youknowthey have to be true? Send them an extra invitation. Ask them over for tea. Serve those bitches drinks you’ve made from your tears, and watch them shrivel and die while the salt saturates their veins and turns them into withered, disgusting, emaciated husks. That ugliness? You don’t need it in you. Let it out. Let it go.”
Jayne shuddered and struggled to draw breath. Listlessly, he pushed Caleb back, then lifted a hand and shot him the bird.
