Panting to regain his breath, he plucked a tissue from the box sitting on his computer desk and cleaned up. If he was ever going to get home to Gage, he had work to do.
A.Alcrest: I love you, baby. I’m working hard to make sure we’re together again soon. Keep being strong for me. Our time apart will be over before you know it.
And when it was, their life together would begin.
3
Gage
At half-past three in the morning, sickened and exhausted, Gage ended his stream and slumped back in his office chair. He was naked, as he always was by the time a stream ended, and he wascold.It wasn’t the same kind of cold he’d felt the harshest days in the winter when he couldn’t afford to put the heat up, or the kind of cold he got from not wearing proper clothing for the temperature—it was the kind of cold that stretched between his bones like sticky sinew and turned his heart to ice.
Seeking relief, he plucked his favorite blanket from its spot by his desk and wrapped himself up in it, nuzzling against the downy-soft fibers as sleep tugged at his eyelids. The cold feeling didn’t go away, but the emotional comfort of the blanket helped drag him into a better headspace. Nausea corkscrewed in his stomach, as it so often did once the camera was finally off, and he did his best to ignore it. Tonight was over. He’d earned what he’d needed to earn, and the extra he’d brought in would go toward Bo’s medical funds. There was nothing to feel sick about.
Nothing but the orange-lit notification at the bottom of his screen from Aaron.
Unwelcome tears clouded Gage’s vision, only to be blinked away. He was just tired, that was all. After a good night’s sleep, he wouldn’t feel so miserable. If Aaron knew what he was doing to make a living, and the circumstances behind Gage’s choice, he would understand. For now, Gage would carry the burden without complaint—one day soon, the nightmare would be over, Aaron would come home with his degree, land a great job, and be able to support Gage while he got back on his feet. The sacrifice was worth it.
Aaronwas worth it.
Gage blotted his tears on his blanket, then reached for his mouse and brought up his conversation with Aaron. The farther he scrolled, the worse he felt, until he read the last line and his heart shattered into vicious, jagged little pieces that tore into his insides and made him bleed.
A.Alcrest: I love you, baby. I’m working hard to make sure we’re together again soon. Keep being strong for me. Our time apart will be over before you know it.
An ugly sob burst in Gage’s throat, and he twisted around in his chair so he could bury his face against the backrest. He was trying his hardest to be strong, but he’d been struggling for so long that his resolve was starting to wear thin, and his endurance was waning. He’d put his life on hold so that Aaron could achieve his true potential—taking care of Bo, their son from their blissful, unprotected summer together, took all of Gage’s time. He didn’t have the finances to afford a full-time babysitter, and due to the unique nature of his situation, he couldn’t turn to his friends or family for help. No one but Alex and an old family friend Gage trusted entirely—Mal—knew Bo existed, and it had to stay that way.
If anyone had found out about Bo, word would have spread to Aaron, and it would have grounded him right when he was about to take off. Their future would have deteriorated. To Gage, who’d vowed that he’d endure the heartaches that came his way while Aaron was abroad, there was no sense in shackling both of them to failure. While Aaron accomplished his dreams, Gage would pay for their mistakes. And when Aaron came home and took care of Gage like he promised he would, Gage wouldn’t have to live like he did anymore.
He’d never have to stream again.
No matter how sick live streaming his body and entertaining lonely, piggish men made him, Gage loved Aaron too much to want to clip his wings. He would stomach his unfortunate situation while Aaron succeeded because hebelievedin him, and he believed in their future.
Aaron was the one for him. His heart forbade any other.
Even when he felt like breaking down.
“Keep being strong,” Gage whispered under his breath, voice wobbling. At any moment, he was sure he’d burst into tears all over again. “He’s going to be home soon. You’re not going to have to do this forever. Everything in life is only for now. It’s all only for now.”
Gage closed his eyes and rocked himself slowly, turning his chair back and forth with a gentle push of his leg against his desk. The same thoughts echoed in his mind that he always had when his heart told him he couldn’t keep going like this.
It won’t be forever. You’re doing this for him. One day, he’ll be back, and your world will be right again.
This time, they sounded hollower than they had before.
* * *
KnotMyProblem:You’re up late. Isn’t it 3ish where you live, TD?
TeenDad2: Yeah. 3:45AM.
KnotMyProblem: Insomnia?
TeenDad2: Something like that.
Gage glanced across the room at Bo, who slept peacefully on his tiny toddler bed. They shared a room—Gage needed the closet-sized second bedroom as an office. By the time Bo got big enough that he’d need his own space, Aaron would be home, and Gage wouldn’t be paying the bills with his body anymore. He wouldn’t need an office.
A private message came through on the chat. It didn’t surprise Gage to see that it was from Knot—no one else was awake.
KnotMyProblem: Is everything okay, TD? You seem kind of… despondent. I mean, you’re even punctuating all your sentences
