But he owed his parents answers.
He’d promised himself there would be no more deception, and he would follow through.
“We… we did, you know, what youdowhen you date. A lot. Like, probably a lot more than we should have. And then Aaron went away to Munich, and I moved to the city to go to college, and we decided that we’d wait for each other, because we were in love.” When he said it out loud, it sounded so much different than how it felt in his heart. With the details shorn away, the husk of what he shared with Aaron was unglamorous—but how could he explain its beautiful intricacies in a way their parents could appreciate? There was no way to describe the way his heart had become bottomless after the first time he’d tasted Aaron’s lips, and there was no use in trying to illustrate the way Aaron’s presence put Gage at ease, or how all the little things they’d done for each other over the years had deepened their love even more. “I begged Aaron not to go, but he told me that he was doing this for us—that he’d come back with his PhD and build us a future together if only I could be strong and wait for him. So I told him I would be. And then, after I moved out, I realized that my heat hadn’t shown up at all that summer, so I took a test and found out I was pregnant.”
That should have come as a surprise to no one, since Bo was asleep upstairs, but Gage paused to wait for reactions, anyway. His fathers stood together, Gabriel nestled against Cedric’s chest for comfort, while Cedric held himself firm and emotionless as he could. Still, Gage thought he saw sorrow lurking behind his impartiality.
Gage frowned and looked away. “I knew that if I told anyone about the pregnancy that word would spread, and either Aaron’s parents would find out and force him to drop out so he could come home and take care of me, or Aaron himself would find out, and he’d abandon his studies and come home. But I also knew that if he came home to be a father, the future he wanted for us would never happen. He’d never achieve his dreams, or get the job he’d dreamed about, or get settled in life. We’d always struggle. He’d be unhappy, and I’d be unhappy, and it would just… it wouldn’t be okay.”
Aaron’s pinky finger looped over his and squeezed.
“And so I figured that I could be strong while Aaron finished school. It was only a few years, after all, right? Four or five. Aaron had promised that he’d work as hard as he could to graduate quickly so we could be together again, and when he didn’t come home for the holidays or summer break because he was working, I knew that he was keeping his promise… so I decided that I could keep my promise to him, too—my promise that I’d be strong so we could have the best life possible.”
The silence was broken by a small, defeated sob. It had come from his father, Gabriel. Heart bleeding, Gage looked in his direction. Gabriel had already buried his head against Cedric’s shoulder, seeking comfort, and Cedric stroked his hair slowly and lovingly. The confession had triggered something in his fathers that Gage couldn’t decipher, but that he knew had hurt them. Had they suffered in a similar way? Gage didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever find out. He could only hope they could find it in their hearts to forgive him.
“So I had to keep Bo a secret from everyone.” Gage hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much he should share. “I dropped out of school before the first semester even began. I couldn’t go to class while raising a newborn and pay for an apartment at the same time. I couldn’t even afford anyone to babysit. So I found a way to make money while Bo was asleep, and—”
Gabriel lifted his head from Cedric’s chest to speak. “How?” Desperation clung to his voice and an imploring look gleamed in his eyes behind his tears. “Gage…”
“Shh.” Cedric held Gabriel a little closer and whispered something against the side of his head that Gage couldn’t hear. Tears streamed silently down Gabriel’s cheeks.
“I…” Gage dropped his gaze, his heart heavy. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I did what I had to do to make sure I could care for Bo. We can… we can talk later, in private.” Saliva pooled in excess in Gage’s mouth. His father sobbed again, and Cedric tucked him against his chest and held him close, rubbing his back. “Is that okay?”
“That’s fine,” Cedric said. He didn’t look at Gage, his attention focused entirely on his husband. “Please, continue.”
To see his father cry made Gage feel even worse about what he’d done. Regret hit him full force and brought tears to his eyes that he hastily brushed away.
“I hated it, Dad,” he whispered, hoping that he could make it better. “I hated it so much. It made me sick. The first few times, I threw up. Ithurt,but I had Bo to take care of, and Aaron to be strong for, and I didn’t see another way.”
Gabriel sobbed harder.
“Gabriel?” Cedric’s voice was stern but kind, his utterance a command. Gabriel quieted down and slumped his shoulders like a switch had been turned off inside of him. There’d only been a few times in Gage’s life where he’d seen his fathers act this way, and he was still stunned by it.
Despite the no-nonsense tone of his voice, Cedric kissed the top of Gabriel’s head. Even now, when the situation was high-strung and emotions were high, Cedric provided for the man he loved. “Go lie down on the couch for now. I’ll fill you in on what’s happened later.”
“Yes, Sir,” Gabriel whispered. He looked one last time at Gage, eyes red from tears, then left the kitchen to do as he was told.
“Gage?” Cedric asked once Gabriel had exited the room. He spoke with a similar, stern tone. “Please continue.”
Gage ran his tongue across the back of his teeth nervously and dropped his gaze to his shoes once more. He obeyed. “I never made a lot of money, so I was cutting corners to make ends meet, and depending on a… a person for support.” He’d already incriminated Alex to Gabriel, but he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. “But about a year and a half ago, Bo started getting sick, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t afford to take him to the doctor, so I hoped it would just get better, but it didn’t. Eventually, I broke down and begged the person who’d been helping me for money, and he got Bo in to a doctor who diagnosed him with asthma. But… but the nebulizers didn’t help, and he was getting worse, and so I took him to see a new doctor and they told me it wasn’t asthma, but that I’d have to see a specialist to get it diagnosed. And I couldn’t afford that, either, and I was going to go forward with a crazy scheme to get me insurance when Aaron came home and started taking care of me again. But I… I feel like I’ve messed that up, too. Aaron had no idea about Bo until he came home, and keeping the truth from him almost destroyed us, so when he left tonight, I knew that I had to come clean with everyone else. I couldn’t… I couldn’t keep you in the dark anymore. I don’t want to lose anyone else in my life… in Bo’s life.” Gage couldn’t lift his gaze, too terrified to see their parents’ faces. If he lost their support, ifBolost their support… “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore for hiding the truth from you, but please don’t take it out on my baby. He didn’t ask to be hidden away. He’s innocent, and so is Aaron. The only one you should be angry with is me.”
Marshall, who’d been silent all through Gage’s story, stepped forward, and Gage found it in himself to lift his head and look his way. The haunted look was still present in his eyes, and although he did his best to mask what he was feeling, his underlying emotions peeked through his facade. Regret, sorrow, uncertainty… but no anger. It emboldened Gage and made him feel that not all hope was lost. “No one is abandoning you,” Marshall said. “And no one is abandoning Bo, either. There are problems that need to be worked out, and conversations you’ll likely need to have with your fathers, but I refuse to stand by, knowing that my grandson is unwell. As soon as my pulmonologist’s office opens, I’ll be making a call, and we’ll be taking Bo in to see him immediately.”
“Your pulmonologist, Dad?” Aaron asked. His finger slipped from Gage’s, and he pushed off the counter to stand upright. “What are you talking about?”
Aaron didn’t know.
The realization rippled through Gage, paralyzing him.
Even as a child, he’d known that there was something wrong with Marshall—he’d never gone swimming with them, been militant about his diet, and had taken pills like clockwork, never missing one… but Gage had thought it was simply an adult thing to do, a mark of his age and his commitment to his wellbeing. It had been such a constant facet of Marshall’s personality that it was unremarkable, and Gage had never thought to ask.
It looked like Aaron hadn’t thought to ask, either, and if he hadn’t been told…
He had no idea what’s going on with his father, or with Bo.
A downward twist of Marshall’s lips and a furrowing of his brow turned Marshall’s expression somber. In a grave voice, he addressed his son. “There are parts of my life I haven’t shared with you or your brother… details I’ve kept hidden, in the hopes that you would lead your lives without fear and enjoy them to their full potential.”
“Dad? What are you talking about?” The panic in Aaron’s voice increased. The paralysis that had once seized Gage released him, and he stepped forward and slipped his hand into Aaron’s and squeezed.
