“You know…” Alex trailed off, and Aaron imagined him shaking his head.
“What?”
“All the time you were away, Gage couldn’t wait for you to come home. He did everything he could to make sure that you wouldn’t be inconvenienced while you were traipsing around Munich, filling beakers with colorful science fluids and piping them one into the other, or whatever it is that biochemists do.”
Aaron was silent. Of all the people he knew, Alex was the one who’d be able to offer him the best insight into Gage’s mind. What he had to say might bite, but Aaron needed the pain—it would serve to remind him that he wasn’t the only one who’d suffered because of the distance between them. Gage had given his life to Aaron, and Aaron could shoulder some discomfort in return.
“I told him several times that it’d be better if he moved on, but he never listened to me. He’d look at me with this dopey smile and his big sparkling eyes and tell me about how beautiful true love and monogamy was. Which, of course, seemed ridiculous to me at the time and made me roll my eyes on more than one occasion. But I think the point is… he’s loved you all this time. He’s been crazy about you since we were teenagers. He spent the entire time you were gone dreaming about how wonderful it would be when you came home. He starved himself so that he could afford to keep Bo a secret, all so that you wouldn’t drop out and come back to America to rescue him.”
Aaron’s throat clenched. “He starved himself?”
“He couldn’t afford the apartment, and Bo, and food, so he had to choose. And when Bo got sick, he was so in love with you and blind to the rest of the world that he refused to listen to common sense and go home to his parents to see if they could help—or ifyourparents could help, which we both know they could, and would.”
Gage had never told him. Aaron knew he wasn’t well off, but Gage had never revealed the depths of his poverty or his struggles as a single dad. He’d never once complained, not online, and not in real life. He’d smiled for Aaron this whole time while his body wasted away, all so their son could have what he needed. And when Bo’s health had declined, he’d chosen to face the struggle on his own.
All because Aaron had asked him to be strong.
“No,” Aaron whispered. “BP…”
“So to think that you’re fighting now?” Alex said. “To think that after all that time, seeing the love he had for you, all the tiny, indulgent smiles and the affection in his eyes… it’s hard. It’s hard to have been there beside him as he made sacrifices and stupid decisions for your sake year after year, and harder still to know that you’re already at each other’s throats so badly that you don’t know where he is at one in the morning on a Monday. If anyone I know deserves a happily ever after, it’s Gage… and it really bugs me to think that after everything, it’s not going to happen.”
“Don’t say that.” Aaron had meant to sound firm, but his voice crackled from the onset of tears. He slid his palm down the steering wheel and squeezed again, attempting to piece himself back together. “I’m looking for him right now. I’m trying to make things right. I just…” If there was anyone who knew about Gage’s private life, it would be Alex. Aaron released the muscles holding his head erect and let it flop back against the headrest. “Bo is mine, right?” he asked weakly. “Gage hasn’t been…”
There was a silence. When Alex finally spoke, his words were burdened. “If you need to ask that, then maybe you don’t deserve to have Gage back. Goodnight, Aaron.”
The call ended, and Aaron was alone.
25
Aaron
Abrief conversation with Mal left Aaron more troubled than relieved. Apparently, Gage had been by an hour before and had taken Bo with him. An hour was more than enough time to make it to Mal’s place and back, especially late at night, when traffic wasn’t as thick as it was during rush hour. If Gage had been planning to come back to the house, he already would have arrived.
He either had to be with Alex, who’d promised to take care of him, or…
Aaron tried not to let doubt infect his mind. From what Alex had told him, Gage had been faithful. While Alex was most loyal to Gage, Aaron didn’t think he would lie about something so monumental. Either Gage was hiding the truth from everyone—even the best friend he shared everything with—or there was something else going on that Aaron had yet to figure out. When he met up with Gage again, there would be an explanation, and even if it was one Aaron was dreading to hear, at least he’d have closure. The issue now wasn’t that Aaron feared what Gage had to say—it was that he had no idea how to find him.
With Bo still being kept a secret from the world, Gage couldn’t have turned to any of their longtime friends or their families. There was only one other person apart from Alex and Mal that Aaron knew Gage associated with regularly… one he didn’t want to have to turn to for help.
But what other choice did he have?
Gage was missing, Bo was with him, and Aaron was desperate to discover the truth and set things right if he could. After how strong Gage had been for him, he could suck up his pride and do what was necessary to prove his devotion. Gage deserved it.
Aaron squeezed his eyes shut momentarily in frustration, squared his shoulders, and typed “KnotMyProblem” into his browser’s search engine. He waited for the results to load.
* * *
A reddit accountand a FetLife account. Aaron looked between them, queasy. Which would be the safer of the two to click?
After brief deliberation, Aaron went with the reddit account—he felt like it was the most likely not to send him into a blind rage.
As KnotMyProblem’s reddit comment overview loaded, Aaron shifted his weight from one side of his body to the other, hopeful that somehow he’d be able to get in touch with KnotMyProblem so he could figure out where Gage had gone.
As it turned out, KnotMyProblem’s post history was extensive, but tame. There were a few snarky comments made on r/askreddit and a few seemingly helpful tips on r/personalfinance. While none of his comments were particularly incriminating, Aaron could tell it was the same guy he’d talked to on Gage’s phone—the blunt way he wrote was too close to what Aaron remembered from their chat conversation be a coincidence.
The latest comment in his history had been made five minutes ago.
Aaron logged into his old account, steeled himself, and sent KnotMyProblem a message.
