But what if itdidn’t?
Frustrated with his mental tug-of-war, Alex took his anger out on the test strip. Soon enough it had collected its sample, and he set it on the toilet lid while he continued to relieve himself. There was no point in worrying about the unknown. Until he knew for sure what he was dealing with, he didn’t need to concern himself with the “whatifs.”
One thing, however, was certain—if he was pregnant, Laurence wasn’t going to have a say in what happened to the baby. No matter how he felt about it, Alex would see the pregnancythrough.
It washisbaby,hisbody, andhislife. If Laurence wanted out, fine… but Alex wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He’d learned his lesson and suffered the consequences of it. No one was going to come between him and his best interestsagain.
The test wasn’t supposed to take long to develop, but Alex didn’t want to look. He ran the shower and washed, then took his time drying off. By the time he was fully dressed and ready to go about his day, he still hadn’t checked theresults.
“It’s not like you don’t know what it’s going to be,” Alex mumbled to himself, irritated by his cowardice. He stopped at the sink like he’d been blocked by an invisible wall. “It’s not like you haven’t done this before. What’s the big deal thistime?”
The question was pointless—Alex already knew what the big deal was. Last time, his heart hadn’t been hardened to the world, and he hadn’t been in the right mindset for what he had uncovered. When shit had hit the fan with his asshole of a boyfriend, he hadn’t been emotionally prepared, and he’d let himself be manipulated. This time, he was ready. Laurence or not, it didn’t matter. What he was going to do, he would do becausehefelt like it. He wouldn’t let himself be injuredagain.
At last, he found it in himself to move the rest of the way to the toilet. The test had developed. Two solid pinklines.
“Shit.” Alex stared at the indicator window in momentary disbelief. Then, as magenta flashed before his eyes, he looked away. He knew the test was going to be positive before he’d taken it. Why was he surprised now? The lackluster heat he’d just been through was indication enough, and the fact that it had been cut short by half a week? He’d been kidding himself if he expected any otherresults.
He needed to tellLaurence.
Alex capped the pregnancy test, took it to the kitchen, and placed it inside a resealable bag. Then, eager to get moving so he could distract himself, he stuffed the test into his bag and headed for the door. Before he met up with Laurence tonight, he had some errands to take care of, some work to get done, and some soul-searching todo.
It was going to be different this time. Laurence wasn’t going to hurthim.
And if he did, Alex would shut down his heart for good and never trust another managain.
* * *
Anxiety.A shade of yellow. It paired with the green in the piece and unified the section he’d been working on. Alex took a step back to look at what he’d accomplished so far, and for the first time since he’d run into a roadblock with the abstract, he smiled. Now that he’d figured out that he was trying to paint the wrong subject matter, the rest of the painting had come along easily. Purple joined with blue. Small, eye-catching sections of green and yellow gave the necessary contrast to make the paintingpop.
The experience of the early stages of love—the first sparks that proved that something more was possible—wasn’t easy to pin down. It was wonderful, and magical, and terrible all at once. It brought out the greens and yellows from Alex as much as it did the purples and blues. And here, expressed in oil, Alex had finally capturedit.
As he went to apply a highlight to one of the specks of green, there was a knock at the door. Alex looked over his shoulder as it opened. Laurence let himselfin.
“Hey,” Alex said, more chipper than he recalled having been in a long time. Not even confirmation of his unplanned pregnancy could keep him down. Seeing Laurence brought out the best of him—all the blues and purples. He bit down on the inside of his lip, trying to keep a smile from growing, but wasunsuccessful.
The smile didn’t last long. It wilted as the energy in the room fizzled, leaving the air flat and empty. Alex lowered his brush and turned to face Laurence in full,concerned.
There was somethingwrong.
“Laurence?” Alex asked hesitantly. “You look upset. What’s goingon?”
There was a somber look on Laurence’s face, and it twisted Alex’s stomach into knots, sending burning bile to sit high in his chest. Sickly, anxious yellow joined it, as did green as Alex wondered if he’d done somethingwrong.
“We’ve got a problem,” Laurence said gravely. “Abigproblem—and we need to talk it through before it tears usapart.”
25
Laurence
“Aproblem?”Alex set his palette and paintbrush down and crossed his arms over his chest, expression more concerned than ever. His hands were flecked with dried paint. Although he held himself with confidence and spoke like nothing was the matter, Laurence saw the truth in his eyes—he was nervous. “What kind ofproblem?”
“You’re Alex Harper, aren’t you?” Laurence made sure that the door was closed before he spoke, then moved closer to Alex. He still clung to hope that somehow, he had his wires crossed, and that the information he’d read online waswrong.
Alex’s arms tightened. His brow furrowed. “… Yes. I don’t remember having given you my last name. What’s goingon?”
“Who is your mother?” Laurence prompted. He didn’t want to make assumptions. Until he heard the truth from Alex, he was going to do his best to remain levelheaded about thesituation.
Alex looked away, tucking his chin against his shoulder. “What does it matter who my mother is? You’re not saying we’re related, areyou?”
