“Yeah.” Gabriel’s hand rested on Cedric’s hip, the contact between them electric. Sparks raced up Cedric’s arm and invaded his chest. He couldn’t hold them off if he tried. “I know that I’m not okay, and I don’t want that to… I don’t want that to come between us. I want to work on getting better, and to do that, I think we have to live apart. I don’t know how to be on my own, so… so I need to be on my own in order to get better. Does that makesense?”
“Yes.” Cedric wanted to kiss him more than ever. The confession was beautiful, and it reaffirmed his belief that a future between them waspossible.
“I love you, Sir,” Gabriel whispered, so small and so timid that the sound almost didn’t make it to Cedric’s ears. “I love you, and I need your help. Will you help me be strong for you? I don’t know a lot of things, but I know that I want you. Even if it’s hard, I’m going to do what it takes to make sure we can betogether.”
“I’ll help you,” Cedric whispered back. He lifted his head only enough so he could bring their lips closer, and when he spoke next, he let the words find their home on Gabriel’s skin. “I love you,Gabriel.”
The shiver he felt in response to his confession was innocent instead of frightened, and the kiss that followed it was sweeter yet. Gabriel initiated it, lifting his head to press their lips together. He took the lead, letting himself explore Cedric’s lips while Cedric played the passive role and returned his passion, but never pushed for more. The kiss continued, uncontaminated by the aching need between Cedric’s legs or his urge to mark the omega he loved as his. It was exploratory and cautious.Perfect.
“I don’t want to go any further than kissing,” Gabriel whispered against Cedric’s lips. “Is that… is that okay? I know we’re sharingabed…”
“No, it’s fine. It’s better than fine.” Cedric smiled. “I want you to always tell me what your limits are. I won’t take anything from you that you’re not willing to give, even if you’ve given it to me before. If, ten minutes from now, you decide kissing is too much, I’ll stop. I won’t ask for itagain.”
“You’ddothat?”
“Iloveyou.” Cedric grinned, holding back a laugh. After all this time, after fighting with himself for so long, he was able to acknowledge what he felt out loud. There was no more shame. The past was the past, and he let it go. Gabriel was capable of consent, and the choices he made were rational instead of based in fear or desperation. Cedric couldn’t ask for more. “You’ve given me your body and your mind, but you can always take them back.Always. My commitment is to serve you and to respect you… to bring you pleasure however you want. If you ever don’t want something, all you need to do is tell me, andI’llstop.”
“Then… then I want you to kiss me.” Gabriel brushed their lips together to mark his statement. “I want to kiss until our lips are sore and we’re too tired togoon.”
“What you give me, I will take,” Cedric whispered. He pressed a chaste, exploratory kiss to Gabriel’s lips that made Gabriel moan. “And what I’m asked, I will perform. I’m yours, Gabriel.Yours. And no matter how long it takes, I will waitforyou.”
42
Gabriel
“Open your mouth,Gabriel.”
Rabbit was gone, and Gabriel didn’t miss it. He opened his mouth, eyes closed, and allowed Sir to place the pinhead-sized pill on his tongue. The box of prescription contraceptives sat on the bathroom counter within arm’s reach, the packaging torn and the first pill popped out of itsblisterpack.
“Swallow.”
Gabriel closed his mouth, and Sir pressed a glass of water into his hand. He raised it to his lips and did as he was told. The pill traveled with the water down his throat and entered his system. Hewelcomedit.
“Good boy.” Sir took the water from him and set it by the remaining pills. “How does that makeyoufeel?”
Gabriel knew better than to lie. He sucked in a breath and readied his response, considering it before he spoke, just like Sir wanted. “Good and bad. Good, because I know that I’m not ready to have a family, even though I want one with you so badly. Bad, because it makes me remember all the times in the past when… when he would tell me I just had to wait a little longer, and then he’d give me what Iwanted.”
“But was it ever what youwanted?”
The question wasdifficult. “…No.”
“Justify.” Sir took another box from the small pharmacy bag in the sink and opened thesideflap.
Justification was difficult when Gabriel’s thoughts were scattered. He closed his eyes and did his best to align what he thought was true, and what he knew was true. “It was true in the sense that I wanted stability and love, but… but a family doesn’t always mean that. A baby doesn’t guarantee that. I linked love to having a baby and it doesn’t work that way. Having a baby won’t make anyone lovememore.”
“Good boy.” Sir kissed his forehead. The praise was simple, but Gabriel craved it. He smiled and opened his eyes to watch as Sir prepared the next pill. It snapped free from its blister pack and landed on Sir’spalm. “Open.”
Gabriel opened his mouth, and Sir placed the pill on his tongue. Heat preventatives were bigger than contraceptives, and if taken mindlessly, could have detrimental effects on the body. With his spring heat about to manifest, Gabriel knew that it was time. He trusted Sir’s judgmententirely.
“Swallow.”
The glass of water met his palm again, and Gabriel took a sip. The pill passed down histhroat.
This time, he wouldn’t go into heat. He wouldn’t try to ensnare Sir. When they decided to start a family, they would make that decisiontogether.
“Let me see,” Sir said. Gabriel opened his mouth, then lifted his tongue. The pill was gone from his mouth. “Good boy. You cancloseit.”
The release was appreciated. Gabriel closed his mouth and beamed, then looked up at Sir to search for further guidance. The tiny smile on Sir’s face—almost unnoticeable—let Gabriel know there was nothing more he needed to do. He relaxed his shoulders and let himself rest. He’dbeengood.
